retrobuzz

final destination 713

2004-07-13T19:50:00.000+03:00

no buzz list

8) dave grohl--dude, you're the best rock drummer going these days. why play w/ a band that hasn't done anything worthwhile in 10+ years? lenny kravitz has 10x the buzz than trent reznor, & that's almost zero. trentos...the durst-maker

7) the new, totally unnecessary, & irrelevant 'basic instinct II' is in-process of being made. this just in...no one's cared about sharon stone...EVER! sharon stone, you're not hott. you haven't made a single movie that's made a dime in over 10 years (casino, which wasn't because of you). why on earth would you think you could make a list of demands that include: $14mil salary, 3 nannies for your adopted brat, free cell phones & pagers for you & your crew, personal chauffeur & bodyguards, a giant dildo made of waterford crystal. you're totally durst sharon. hiring you for any project is the kiss of death for a studio---'catwoman' anyone? 'the practice' anyone? how did 'sphere' do?

6) courtney love-- discharged from an nyc hospital following her bizarre episode friday. love reportedly will be picked-up this evening for masturbating w/ a metal crucifix linda blair stizz. f*ck me jesus! f*ck me jesus! ...disturbing behavior

5) the nicotine patch & the devil- last night i had probably the most intense & scary nightmare i've ever had. i dreamt that i was sleeping & that the devil was in my room tormenting me, paralyzing me w/ fear, while i was trying to sleep. i think it was satan's way of trying to get me to start smoking again. i could not move at all. after what seemed like eternity, i ordered myself to wake-up & get out of bed. i was so freaked out that i locked my doors, all of which were upstairs. it seriously was the most terrifying dream i've ever had--& it took a good 5min to realize that i was dreaming in a dream.

i put on a nico patch at lunch yesterday, & at first it felt great--nice buzz, less smoking temptation, calmer, etc. by 9pm, i was going insanicus maximus because i felt so sick to my stomach. my arm w/ the patch was pretty much numb, & i decided to remove it to see if i would feel any better. i'm still having alot of urges to smoke, but now i'm at 2.5 days clean. i'm going to use the patch as needed, but definitely won't sleep w/ one on. who needs nicotine while they sleep?

4) condoms-if they aren't good enough for use at the onyx whoretel, how can your wife, girlfriend, mysterious fuk buddy, hobo call-girl, fem-bot, etc convince you that you need to wear them? condoms have absopurely no buzz. on second thought, brit has been kostanza'ed & fenderbender'ed. that girl is possibly dirtier than the sluts bill clinton did back in arkansas, plus carmen electra & all the wives of motley crue put together. penetration of the onyx whoretel w/o protection, while seemingly hott, may be the quickest recipe for contracting the white stripes std ever.

3) my book deal that fell through- i had a MAJOR book deal lined-up to publish a compilation, or greatest hits if you will, of my famous rants. unfortunately there was an escape clause contained w/in whereby the MAJOR publishing company could reneg the deal based upon a review of test chapters. they were like 'You can write extremely well but you're not wearing any pants!'.

2) starting & quitting blogs-- it's sooooo Q1 '04--zero buzz. quitting-quitting blogs is what's hott now.

1) nicotine patch condoms- you thought the regular one's ephed you up?

thanks to all the handjobs & douchebags out there who supported this site. all the handjobs & douchebags who didn't can SUCK IT!!!

welcome back to high school

2004-07-12T17:28:00.000+03:00

sadly, after 4 months, there will only one more post on retrobuzz. it will be a final no buzz list tomorrow. the past few weeks have been really busy at work, & i've been struggling to write anything worthy of a read. for me it's all or nothing. i'm going to be changing programs/responsiblities at work in a few weeks, & will be very busy initially. i just want to sincerely thank everyone who took time out of their day to read the rubbish i published here.

so apologies out to everyone who was my collateral damage friday night. i went to a work party at 2pm-6:45pm, then the wab for gp jenn's b-day at about 9pm. i felt good until leaving the wab. i think it was those 2 beers i slammed just prior to leaving that sent me over the edge, plus i think i was roofied. so peabs & i were hanging out at my place after the gorillas dropped us off after getting coney, where multiple bystanders were cussed out drunkenly/angerly by me. on the way to my house, drunk&dials were revealed. nummer was called twice while the walkmen's 'the rat' was playing, numerous calls were made to uncle grambo, jess blueprint, kerry sosaysi, & most of all, dirty mckean. dirty got the worst of it w/ 12 phone calls placed to him.

before we made it to my house, we put on the killers 'somebody told me' at full blast. we were singing along, & i think we called grambo & only played the song loudly on the message. grambo saved one of the vmails & played it for me on sat. i was kind of mocking his celeb status & said something like, '...oh look at me, i'm so important, i hang out w/ miss modernage...'

when we got back to my place, i decided it would be fun to start throwing around furniture. kitchen chairs ended up in the dining/living room, the vacuum got tossed around. my cell phone had been broken since december, whereby the screen was non-functional, so that no information could be pulled up on my phone. so i figured it was time to finally replace it by chucking my phone not once, but twice on the floor as hard as i could throw it. i still haven't found the battery. then peabs & i had a sparks & a beer. a beer bottle ended up getting thrown into the middle of the street by peabs, & the sparks can got tossed into the street as well. i think at least an hour was spent by us singing the chorus to 'take me out' & miming the retarded robotic boxers from the video. peabs loves this bit.

major apologies out to the gorillas (for having to deal w/ me in person), dirty, grambo, kerry, jess, nummer, & anyone else who got a drunken call from me/peabs friday night. peabs checked his outgoing call log & it was something like 70 calls total made. not such a good idea.

saturday, woke up ~10am & was busy all day prepping my house for the night's party. the party sat night was pretty best. the fow nation was out in full force. the grizz brought over the franz ferdinand album & saint anger. peabs threw that shite (take me out) on pretty early on. the cops came by a few times. the 1st was pretty early. i think jess put on the killers & peabs pretty much went bananaz. a cop on a bicycle stopped by & i went outside to talk to him. he was like, 'yeah, i understand you're having a party, but it's 11:30pm & i could hear music & yelling from all the way down the street. no one's called to complain yet, so this is just a warning. i heard some yell 'fuck!'(peabs) at the top of their lungs a minute ago. that's the type a thing people call to complain about'. i was like sorry, & said that i would close the windows & keep the doors closed to minimize the noise bleed.

the 2nd time the cops came the grizz had afro'ed my hair, so i had to locate my tiger's hat before walking outside to deal w/ these clowns. they said a neighbor called to complain, etc. i said the party would done shortly & that everyone would be inside the rest of the night. i was cool, so they didn't issue a ticket. as they were about to walk back to their patrol cars, they pointed the flashlights at the front steps, where a huge pile of throw-up was located. they were like 'someone had maybe too good of a time?'. at ~4am i got out the hose & washed down that pile of puke.

from 11pm till almost 3:30am it was a big dance party in the living room. i had a good time just watching the party from the balcony. thanks to everyone who showed up & partied hard. i hope you had as much fun as i did.

and i quit smoking yesterday. it's been over 30 hours since my last smoke. i'd say i'm doing fine, but i'm REALLY struggling right now. my days' used to be structured around my smoke breaks. i forgot my gum at home, & am going to pick-up some nico patches after work today. this week is a really tough test for me. i don't see how i can (or should) continue to drink anymore. cigarettes & alcohol go together like i don't know what. this thurs is the last tourist/prime ministers show at smalls, dirty mckean is back in the d all week, & i'm going to chi-town this weekend. talk about having to dodge silver bullets.

some kind of monster

2004-07-08T20:51:00.000+03:00

dear diary,

last night i went to advance screening of the metallica documentary movie 'some kind of monster' at the main art. lacking buzz of my own, i borrowed some from the grizz, who hooked me up w/ a ticket. i had read alot of good things about it the past few months from artsy film-fest types. i also think i remember reading k+1 raving about it too.

there was certianly alot of buzz pre-show waiting in line in the lobby & waiting in the theatre. so many long-hair 'talli fans. there was some pre-show promo trivia give-away, where they were asking questions to audience members--winners got free 'some kind of monster' tees or hats. bovs on those ephing tees! mmmmBEST! unfortunately, neither the grizz nor i were called on--still it was pretty cool seeing people win free stuff. the questions were pretty easy--like 'name a member of metallica', or 'who's sold more albums---metallica, madonna, or n'synch?'. n'synch! duhvs. the winner of that question, upon picking up his free tee said 'nsynch sucks!' as he walked back to his seat.

metallica fans...so loyal, so surly, so raging against the machine.

i think the movie starts out w/ a metallica photo history, going through the early days, etc. it picks up in 2001 where bassist jason newsted is sacked by the band, & the 3 horsemen are setting-out to record their next album, w/ the legendary producer, bob rock (who plays bass w/ them too). breaking new ground, they decide to go into the studio as equals where each has equal creative control, & where they write everything exclusively in the 'studio' as a band. they opt to record at a non-posh former army barracks called the presidio in cali.

tension really begins to mount in the band & their management company q-prime brings in some coaches to help sort out their issues. these guys are the biggest rock stars, maybe only second to led zep, & they're paying phil $40k/mo to be their coach. they were very apprehensive about doing therapy.

hetfield then checks himself into rehab, & the future of the band is totally up in the air. he's gone for ~6 months.

so many parts were the funniest things ever. a) as a part of therapy while hetfield is away, lars meets w/ former guitarist dave mustaine & they cover their parting 20 years prior. dave says he's really glad to see this happen to metallica. he's obviously still extremely bitter about how he got kicked out for alc/drug abuse. he says something like 'do you know what i go through everyday because of you? people hate me because of you. they see me & say 'hey mustaine: metallica rules!'. dave says, 'i just wish the other one (hetfield) was here too'. he closes by saying that he wished that they gave him the 2nd chance & support that they were giving to james. mustaine's scene pretty much made the movie best evs.

b) lars' dad, torben ulrich, was another awesome feature. old & danish, w/ long white hair & a beard, he's pretty much an honest heavy metal expert. listening to the presidio demos w/ lars, lars says 'the label loves this track & want to make it the album opener'. torben's like, 'i'm not a music critic & all, but that's the worst thing i've ever heard you guys play--definitely shouldn't be on any metallica album'.

c) after james is out of rehab, the band gets back together to complete the album. he sets limits on work time, & can only work w/ the band from 12pm-4pm. he gets totally pissed-off when bob rock & lars listen to recordings & talk after 4pm. lars gets fed up & one day is like, 'you know what i've been thinking all morning? f*ck. 'f*ck. 'f*ck. 'f*ck. f*******ck! i'm sick of you controlling when the rest of us work. i respect the 4pm thing for you, but don't tell me when the f*ck i can & can't work on my own...f*ck!'. lars, so best.

d) john norris on mtv news wearing a red & black shirt w/ leather & zippers--i laughed for 2min easy. 3 out my top 7 getsures i wrote about yesterday were in the film too, numerous times. the finger was given >10 times, the devil's horns >100 times, the devil's horns w/ the thumb>10 times, an over-the-top eyes-roll (lars to phil), even the thumb's-up.

e) they hold auditions for a bassist to finally join them--twiggy from marilyn manson tries out, & his boney frame tries to keep up w/ them. he struggles & really has to stretch to keep up.

i love wilco's i am trying to break your heart, but this is better. the story is much more throat grabbing, the characters have more on-screen appeal, it's hilarious, & it's ephing metallica in therapy. at 2.25 hours, it's a bit long, but still possibly the greatest movie of all time.

'talli-best.

remember, june 17 is st. anger's day.

a post w/o a FF ref?

2004-07-07T19:47:00.000+03:00

i'm taking some time off of the blog thing. the auto industry has the summer shut-down this week & next, so i'm taking some time to relax & ponder whether continuing this blog is something i want to do or not. in the meantime, i hope you enjoy the following.

not sure what made me think of this, but i compiled a list of my favorite gestures, or body language if you will.

7) the post work meeting blast to the head- if you get yelled at by your boss, get torched in a meeting in front of co-workers, nothing beats a subtle gun to the head suicide blast. a light gun sound effect adds some spice.

6) the sign of the devil- the pinky & index fingers extended on a raised arm is a tradtional rock-star gesture. coupled w/ a tongue sticking out & crazy eyes, it's intense. perfect listening to ac/dc, a good rock show, or just partying hard in general. it also has extra value by using it mockingly at either a lame concert or while listening to lame music. i busted this one at the tastefest last week while watching those students known as rooney.

5) the 'suck it' crotch grab- used mainly in heated debates in sports, or arguments between friends & enemies alike, it's a spin-off of the middle finger. i used this one alot when i played baseball, pretending to be adjusting my cup. hated the other team.

4) the 'kiss my ass' cheek smack- don't like what someone asks/orders you to do? simply turn 180 degrees, stick out your rump exageratedly & point to it &, then smack it a few times, while making some annoying kissing sounds. dumb & dumber has a good example of proper usage (see harry dunn & lloyd christmas).

3) the over-the-top non-veiled eye roll- someone says something so stupid, you want them to see what a schmuck they are w/out needing to use words. you want them to see this. it's like saying 'yeah, that's great, you're the dumbest human being on earth you handjob'.

2) middle finger- the ultimate eph off. transends across all cultures & all demographics. a bit overused at times, but well-timed spontaneous usage can't be topped.

1) the laugh & leg touch- flirting w/ a cute girl, there is nothing that melts me faster than the smile, laugh, & leg touch. when you get that, it's things are going well, don't eph it up. throw in hair tossles, lip licking & it's hey-now.

other notables:
the thumb's up- buzzless unless it's in tribute to former detroit lion mike utley, who was paralyzed playing football back in the early 90's. he gave the thumb's up sign as he was being carted off the field on a stretcher. very bland otherwise.

the ok sign- too confusing across cultures. very boring as well. in the US, it's means 'good' or 'alright'. but in greece, it is very offensive & is the equivalent of the middle finger. but this isn't russia, so on this blog it has no buzz.

the 'that's such a bad idea i'd rather jag-off'- bad idea thrown out or just bored by a suggestion, the obvs j-off gesture is still funny. must be exagerated, or it's kind of sick.

the gun & wink- only douchebags use this one. it's not cool, never was.

the wink- too confusing. usually i'm like, does that mean 'just kidding', or 'just play along', or 'are they coming on to me?'. too ambiguous.

pointing to someone, then pointing to your eyes w/ the pointer/middle fingers- says 'i'm watching you' or 'i got my eyes on you focker'. deniro used this perfectly in 'meet the parents'. it's best. that song was just about a boy & his magical dragon.

any thoughts, or other ones, backblog it.

seacrest out.

mmm...jello

2004-07-02T18:27:00.000+03:00

JELLLLLOOOOOOOOO! doctor bill cosby...uncorked! he goes pretty much psycho on black america covering hot topics such as linguistics, teen pregnancy, education, & domestic violence. i think he's gone mad since so sayeth the peabs was retired last month, & his laughable candidacy as VP in the 'obvs in 04' campaign.

"I can't even talk the way these people talk, 'Why you ain't,' 'Where you is' ... and I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk," Cosby said then. "And then I heard the father talk ... Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth...You've got to stop beating up your women because you can't find a job, because you didn't want to get an education and now you're (earning) minimum wage"

that's funny because he says 'knuckleheads'. who uses that term these days? cosby, that's who. & you better watch out, because he might call you out w/ a knuckle sandwich if you disrespect him. i love the line 'you can't become a doctor'. he's still stuck in the cosby show irreality, like he's doctor cliff huxtable. i know this is a serious subject matter & all, but the entire time i read this article i kept imagining him saying 'You know what isn't bad these days?...JELLLLLLOOOOO pudding pops! flizzum flazzum!'.

as of press time, no comment from peabs.

bad news bears part II

2004-07-01T17:24:00.000+03:00

2nd consecutive day where i receive a call from one of the graham brothers informing me of franzia ferdinand doings-a-transpiring. the grizz on tuesday re: dunst on TRL, uncle grambo yesterday. UG's v-mail went like this (no bs, not like my other fabricated emails, etc):

6/30/04 9:04pm 'Damore, what's going on dude, it's Grambo. i got bad news...Franz f*cking Ferdinand is on DRQ, which does not bode well. This song's got staying power...we're in trouble. Uhhhhh, yeah that's it, I'll talk to you later'.

'take me out' on DRQ? wwwwwWORST. franzia has gone totally mainstream. move over john mayer, they are officially the new dave matthews band. all you hipsters, the joke is actually on you. you like top 40 music now! add that franzia disc to your matchbox20 & goo goo dolls albums. what's that, you don't own those bands' albums? sure. don't believe me? remember how much buzz & street cred coldplay lost last year when all their stuff (in my place, clocks, god put a smile...,the scientist) was all over every US radio station & mtv? and that's coldplay, an extremely talented band, w/ mucho staying power. much more so than franzia. my guess is that in 3 months (october'ish), after overplay & fan burnout, their supposed 'hardcore' fans will get bored of them after their next 'can't miss' dance-fest abortion tour, & jump on the bandwagon of some other young underground band. maybe i'm wrong...maybe harry potter also likes them. which is the tru benchmark any great new band.

summation: franzia is for young 20-somethings who don't know any better (kinda like the white stripes in 2001-present) & people who think they know what good music is, but can't remember the talking heads & blondie. it's for little girls & house-wives.

seacrest in? reuters is reporting that 'on-air w/ ryan douchecrest' will be renewed for a 2nd season .

seacrest out!

lazy wednesday afternoon

2004-06-30T22:36:00.000+03:00

poor lindsay lohan. what will this do to her? her dad was just arrested for skipping out on a $3800 hotel bill in long island.

the libertines...what a ephing soap opera. i feel bad for the nme beat team that has to work their tails off to stay current of all this drama. the prep schoolers will tour on...w/out pete doherty. no buzz. "it is with regret that the libertines announce they are to continue without singer and guitarist peter doherty due to his well-known addiction problems, specifically with crack cocaine and heroin".

lousy band, funny story (on mtvnews). saliva singer josey scott tee's off on casablancas & chad kroeger. here's the heart of it:

"I don't think American kids are really into it," he said, citing the Vines and Strokes as examples. "American kids wanna get in the mosh pit. They wanna get dirty. Chicks wanna show their t--s. They wanna rock. They want something that kicks ass, and the Strokes and all that sh-- ain't gettin' it done. I'm not trying to cut them down, I'm just saying you gotta get the job done, man. When you walk onstage, you gotta get the job done. You gotta rock the f---in' party, and they don't do it. They never have and they never will."

He and former pal Chad Kroeger are responsible for the hit single "Hero" off 2002's "Spider-Man" soundtrack, and both appeared in the video. For services rendered, Scott was paid $5,000, though he claims they had a handshake deal stipulating that he would receive $40,000 for his studio time, and another $40,000 for the video.

"They [screwed] me on that song," Scott said. "I want the whole world to know it. They made millions off that song and threw me $5,000? That was foul, that was wrong, and that's bullsh--. They would have paid a janitor more than that. ... I can't even pay for my flights and my hotels with $5,000. What the f--- am I gonna do with $5,000? That's bullsh--."

wow, moving on...

i gotta say, if you haven't read the killers 'hot fuss' review posted on the nothing i know, you're missing out. it's funny & dead on. i'm actually a little pissed at myself for not hitting the killers out of the park in my last post. i'd say it was a inside-the-park home run on a throwing error. good stuff.

da! another blanking franzia story on reuters. mmmmWORST! kill me now

kick his ass sea bass!

2004-06-30T02:54:00.000+03:00

the grizz called me earlier today & played today's TRL on mtv (tivo'ed), which had kirsten dunst on today to promote spiderman2. she said possibly the WORST thing since elijah wood's appearance a few months back. at the end she was asked what she is listening to these days, to which she screeched something like 'i love franz ferdinand!'. wood said something like 'i totally love franz!'. are you shmears? there you have it. proof positive that this band is musical herpes simplex infinity+10.

i'm thinking of officially shifting my blog's entire focus to how much franzia suck it. i just don't understand their appeal. now i think it's just 'cool' to like the band that all these dodgy celebs are talking about. reminds me of creed's popularity. mainstream society is largely sheep-like, & when something has buzz, they adopt it, not because it's good, but because it's considered popular/in.

i found real detroit shannon mccarthy's review of the killers to be much more on par than her franzia review 2 months ago. she never did have the stones to respond to my letter to the editor, oh well. mccarthy gives it a 3/5, average review, describing it as 'they sound like a lot of bands, which is exactly what impedes the band's debut, Hot Fuss, from being superb'.

editor's note: it's funny that mccarthy even says 'they're no franz ferdinand'!...classic.

the killers are ok. nothing new, nothing ground-shaking. 4 solid songs, & some filler. the funniest part is that most of the 'buzz' you read about them has nothing to do w/ their music at all. mostly girls who want to fuck them. & that's fine. just don't try to convince me they're the resurrection of jesus & the apostles. will you be listening to them in 8 months? do you still listen to the YYY's much? their name says it all...'we found out there was already the stills, thrills, kills so we added 2 letters toward the end'. nice safe bet. i still laugh out loud when i think of their embarrassingly pretentious coachella set where they had a 20-person choir come-out on stage to sing on the final minute of 'all these things that i've done'.

i've been too busy the past 2 months trashing the west coast blog scene, when really my attention should have been on the nyc holier-than-thou fucksters who think they define what's actually good or not. go read your precious little creem mag to find out what will be the next big thing.

i think i'll stick w/ listening to the bands these hip 'new' bands are trying so earnestly to emulate. nice try, sorry.

a bullet in the head

2004-06-29T19:17:00.000+03:00

even mtv's john norris is taking the last train to durstville on the #11 franzia train. next stop: backalleyland. mtv news has a write-up on the band's puzzeling early success. here are some choice quotes from the story (which also mentions them in the same breath as the libertines...worst!):

“We're a buncha lousy abortion clinic students, and we try to play music that's direct & not so good," said drummer Paul Thompson. "To me, the best music is immediate & terrible. It barely moves you and yet you can't pry yourself away. If it's a good tune in our book, it makes you want to slit your throat. When people say things like, 'My 3-year-old niece was dancing to your record w/ sharp knives & scissors the other day,' that's the worst because 3-year-old kids have no idea what's good or rubbish."

"The best bands come from the outside," Kapranos said, "whether it was Nirvana, who went to the top of the charts, or whether it was the Clash, Kinks, the Who or the Beatles. These were all bands who were doing something exciting and energetic and, at the time, fresh—and from a completely different angle. They weren't manufactured. They were just a bunch of guys that got together and decided to play some instruments and write some tunes. That's always the best way."

FRESH? hmmm, if playing low-grade talking heads rip-offs is fresh, then consider me mentos. comparing themselves to nirvana, the who, the beatles, the clash? um, not so much. they got to the party 2 years too late. that would've been like bush (gavin, not gw) saying the same in 1995(wrt nirvana, pearl jam, etc). the 2003 x-mas cookies still in my desk are fresher than these tourists. i mean, if i hear 'take me out' played on 89x one more ephing time, i think i'm going to hang myself w/ the seatbelt while driving. i don't get it, i don't get it (1987 Big stizz).

if you like franzia, i pity you. i'm praying everyday for you & your soul.

buzz cola lite

2004-06-28T23:42:00.000+03:00

sounds like a bad movie, but i'll see it anyway (on dvd). into the blue, a treasure seeking action adventure movie featuring the lovely jessica alba & the db clone paul walker (i still don't know the difference between him, ryan philllllippppee...llllippppe & hayden christensen). okay, so maybe alba's buzz has died down dangerously to jennifer love hewitt levels since dark angel & honey, but w/ this she is poised to stage her comeback to the buzz levels attained during idle hands. this movie has it all...alba in bikinis, sharks, & cocaine. let's hope it isn't as bad as deep blue sea though. no ll cool j, no michael rappaport, no sam jackson is a good start. duhvs.

sea ray....revealed...EVEN MORE! check out the leafblower's interview w/ greg zinman of sea ray fame. while i am certain a human w/ a baboon's heart & the brain of a chimp could conduct a better interview than me, leafblower does so w/ out either, making it no contest. nice job, that's good stuff.

chromewaves also has a write-up on sea ray's show last night in toronto. hopefully next time through there will be more word-of-mouth buzz & more promotion to get bodies there.

unfortunately, the same # of people (15) were at the cadieux cafe saturday during the nice device's set. the band had to play 1st, as they had an opening gig at the majestic theatre that night. too bad no one knew about this outdoor show. hopefully this is just the start of more higher profiled opening slots as well.

as i revealed a rare sunday paper read yesterday, i found that the freep's brian mccollum finally wrote in praise of something relevant: the prime ministers. taking a break from blowing elephant, he gives their new album (the prime ministers go for glory) some high praise. (also on whatevs)

WTF??!!!
i just received 2 crazy hilarious emails from the grizz...just revealed minutes ago is that the verve pipe will be opening for REO speedwagon on july 10 at pine knob. if i wasn't already throwing a party that night, i would totally be there for this epic show. possibly the best bill since??? verve pipe...soooo 1992-1996.they must be pretty desperate...1st vanderark opens for bob guiney at the bag, now this? what's next, opening slots for boston & chicago at the county fair? did i say county fair, because i meant to the state fair. SARS ICE

even worse? gore gore girls will be opening for sugar ray at pine knob on july 25. SARS LITE. i guess it's good for exposure, but are any of the redneck hicks (at REO) & the douchebags (at sugar ray) going to get into their music run out to buy 10 copies of pop smear or villains? nope. maybe the gigs pay well (um, probably not), or it's all a big joke.

oasis...bunch of fookin students! after revealing 2 new mediocre tracks at glastonbury fest this weekend, they decide to work on new material (again!). maybe sacking death in vegas wasn't so smart after all? heathen chem 2 doesn't look so promising, now does it mates?

jewel whores herself out to clear channel. worst. who's next, norah jones?

so durst. courtney love's web site, is shut-down due to lack of $. love's asking fans to make donations or buy notso free 'free courtney' shirts at www.getvexed.com, which'll help pay the server bill. suck it!

the thrills new album to be released sept 14th. this just in...NOBODY CARES. just thinking about it makes me narcoleptic...

for love of the crack

2004-06-26T18:33:00.000+03:00

no update yesterday due to that time of the month. no, not that time of the month, but month end. in the rather borish materials mgmt world, month end is where accounting takes a snap-shot of the books & reports financials internally. my day was spent creatively but ethically (& legally!) getting my programs' #'s to be under goal. real fun stuff. here is some stale & cold buzz, leftovers from yesterday.

poor dmx...what an ass-face. thursday night he & a friend were at kennedy airport in nyc & attempted to steal a motorist's car, claiming they were federal agents, then they crashed another car through a gate at the airport. when approached by airport police, they said that they were fbi agents. police found a satchel of crack cocaine & a billy club in the car. i understand the crack, but billy clubs? i thought those went out in the 90's after LA cops beat down rodney king & detroit cops killed malice green. or were those maglight flashlights? everything has gone downhill for dmx since making the movie exit wounds w/ steven seagal in 2001. they would've totally gotten away clean had they recalled the wise words of lloyd christmas in dumb & dumber, 'don't worry...i'm a limo driver'. bunch of students.

shit like this makes me want to sell my tv at a pawn shop (again). fox revealed that they're expediting 'trading spouses' to the airwaves to go head-to-head against abc's 'wife swap'. w/ mary-kate's eating disorder treatment, i think a network should be buying the rights to my 'porcelain princesses' eating disorder reality show. still no calls though. wishing mary-kate nothing but a speedy & complete recovery. i think she'll come back stronger than ever & be able to do alot of good, encouraging her fans w/ similar problems to have the courage to seek treatment. bravo MK.

hey now. infinity broadcasting finally has some stones & says it will back howard stern on the impending passing of the indecency act, which somehow got tagged onto the end of a military bill. sounds dodgy as fuck. eph the FCC, eph michael powell, eph bush. glad the cost of free speech can be now millions of dollars w/ absopurely zero constitutionality in the 1st place. michael powell, son of colin, friend of gw. appointed maybe by gw since he relates so well to him? neither have actually earned a fucking thing in their lives, & have had everything handed to them because of who their father's are.

what was britney thinking? maybe something like, 'um, well, like i like white-trash & walmarts'. i'll be impressed if it lasts 72 hours. this time, get a pre-nup, & don't check-in to the onyx whoretel.

so last night i was lame & stayed in to catch-up on some sleep. before i retired though, i caught the terrible, terrible movie 'lost souls', starring winona ryder. so awful, i couldn't make it to the end, & flipped to watch 'wrong turn', which is playing all month on cinemax. mmmmBEST!

i remember walking into the theatre in 2000 to catch the very end of 'lost souls', while waiting to see the re-released 'the exorcist'. i knew exactly what was going to happen & was like, 'wow, this movie blows'. i would give that movie 1 star out of 5, but only because i love winona ryder. heathers & reality bites, are there 2 better movies...ever? i didn't think so either.

jane says, i'm done w/ na-varro

2004-06-24T23:46:00.000+03:00

janes addiction breaking up again. no big deal, no big surprise. personally, i think strays is good, & their early stuff is amazing still today. but i like janes minus navarro's over-the-top showy soloing. who are you, stevie vai? shmears. no offense to the grizz & nummer, but i'll take a new album from perry, perkins, & 2 douchebags over a new janes album. i thought this excerpt from this story was funny:

Jane's are considered one of the most influential bands of the last 20 years. Their albums 'Nothing's Shocking' and 'Ritual de lo Habitual' are both modern classics, and a noted influence on bands like Red Hot Chili Peppers and The Music.

are you shmears, the music? they're okay & all, but to list them in the same breath as the chili peppers is the funniest thing i'll read all day.

apparently i'm having a rough week on the blog...no backblog buzz in days. i promise the quality will improve very soon. we have a few tricks up our sleeves if you catch my drift (wink* wink*). oh who am i kidding, i got nothing. no good ideas, un-timely updates, low-grade re-hashes of stories every other blogger probably already covered. unfortunately for you, i would've quit weeks ago at the crest--i enjoy writing though. MSCFYSB (moldy-stale-content...fysb)

speaking of pro-choice current events, perry farrell is trying to revive this year's lollapalooza in some way. good luck w/ that. i'm guessing there will be one show half-assily thrown together & cancelled mere days before. give up on the lollapalooza name/brand, it's dead. make up some new one. people associate lollapalooza w/ 90's grunge & things of a durst nature, like flannels & dirtballs. i'd rather see a rip-off of coachella for a weekend dealie vs a summer tour on the palooza name. good luck on the future endeavors, seriously.

tommy lee...no buzz in vegas. who spins their own lousy music at a party other than the brothers gallaghers?

no buzz list 6/25/04

2004-06-24T22:02:00.000+03:00

i know it's been almost 2 weeks, but you can all just SUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!

5) all the blogger fucks who think their 'witty writing' is funny. i stopped reading blogs weeks ago, as reading my own words is the only thing worth a good laugh these days in pro-choice villa. try some originality for a change. linking to the same shitty ramblings on some 'superstar blogger's' site, less buzz than the new libertines album+franzia ferdinand+retrobuzz. here's a free lesson, put that stupid shit only you care about in your private hello kitty diary.

4) stores that overcharge you for their goods--& when you catch them ripping you off, THEY make YOU feel like the a-hole for asking for the difference. thanks douchebags. i waited 10min for some stock-boy clerk to check the price on some popsicles that they overcharged me $2 for. he came back saying, 'sorry, you're wrong'. i was like 'fuck you, no i'm not'. then i spent 10min showing the moron that HE was wrong. he said ok, go to 'customer service' & the manager will refund you. tasha wouldn't take her employee's word or mine, & felt she had to verify the discrepancy herself. when i asked puzzlingly where she was going, she said, 'TO DO MY JOB!'. after 20min of kicking herself cos i was right, i demanded an apology from her for wasting 30min of my time for their screw-up. she got so pissed she refused to complete my refund & had a co-worker do it. what a c-rag. at least i made $5 profit.

3) michigan's 75cent tax hike on cigarettes (due 7/01/04). i remember 11 years ago paying $1.65 per pack, & $15 per carton. yet another hike that will push the price per pack to over $5. at a pack a day, i'd be spending $35/week (~$140/month) just to smoke? eph you lawmakers & gov't. i know you hate smokers & all, but why should smokers have to bear the burdon of your mis-management of tax dollars every time you blow the budget on your expensive madison ave fat-cat trampy whores? don't say the high health care costs either, cos i know obesity health care costs are now much higher than smoking related costs. it's easier, that's why. everyone hates smokers. you should be taxing the shit out of all that fastfood garbage that americans scarf down everyday. oh well, i'm quiting on 7/11, so i guess i can buy 1 carton before it kicks in, but fuck you anyway.

2) coke C2- eph coke & their endless string of durst evs npi's. vanilla coke: worst. diet vanilla coke: worst. diet coke w/ lime: worst. diet coke w/ lemon: worst. c2: blow me. let me get this straight...it's 1/2 the carbs & 1/2 the cals of reg coke, yet it's called c2? shouldn't it be c1/2? i think c2 is just half coke, half diet coke--how can i prove it? damn, i can't! diet coke tastes nothing like coke, why can't they make an ephing diet cola that tastes like coke? cos they ephing SUCK IT! no buzz. eph pepsi edge while i'm at it. pepsi blows, other than the dew.

1) ALL OF YOU & your bombay attitudes. i hate you all. SUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pants on fire

2004-06-23T19:53:00.000+03:00

fight club...the musical! talk about taking a great movie & ruining it as a musical. marla singer...the big tourist. i need this!
(link via the grizz)

i knew the north shore on fox was going to have absopurely ZERO buzz way before it debuted. watching promos told me everything i needed to know. no interesting characters, subpar/tired plots, a diluted wannabe oc show. it looks like that short-lived awful show 'malibu' from the 90's. i didn't see the premiere, & didn't watch this past monday (as i intended to) cos i've heard nothing but bad things from my trusted oc friends. it's getting torched by the ultra pro-choice shows on nbc & cbs. who knew charlie sheen has a hit tv show? that guy used to have his personal asst's break up w/ gf's for him, bag up the belongings of 1-night stands left behind at his place, & take it out to the curb. best recorded phone convos ever.

last night's season premiere of nip/tuck was pretty good. i raved about n/t most of last season, but kind of soured on it towards the end of last season. i loved the commercial free-ness of the premiere, & the music used. rufus wainwright's 'vibrate' was featured, along w/ billy idol's 'eyes w/out a face'. best. 'vibrate' was definitely a highlight from rufus' accoustic set on sunday night.

can't wait to see fahrenheit 9/11 this weekend, & spiderman next week. is there anything WORSE than the bush administration these days? eph all the cock-blocking that the admin is pulling behind-the-scenes to get this movie a limited release. i see i has been given the r-rating. what a joke. i hate cheney, i hate rumsfeld, i hate bush. i think powell was okay, but he's gone along w/ these idiots on everything. rice is a very smart woman w/ absopurely no experience w/ national security--making her a moron. i'm not overly high on kerry, but i'm definitely voting for him. i'm sick of all the bold-faced lies this admin is spewing, even when video footage or sworn testimony directly contradicts their statements. that's why they will lose the election. no one wants a gov't so arrogant that it cannot admit mistakes & claims to have all the answers. bush forgets the one thing that helped him win in '00--he didn't have all the answers, people felt gore 'thought' he had all the right answers, & were turned-off. john kerry has so much buzz now, his fundraiser in LA on july 6th now includes dave grohl, liz phair, & tenacious d. mmmmBEST!

beastie boys takeover the #1 album slot. to the 5 boroughs 360k units moved, not too shabby. can't remember the last time i bought two consecutive #1 albums. it's not as good as ill communication, but better than hello nasty. don't know why it took 2 years to make & 6 years to come out w/ a new album.

speaking of rooney, i'm looking forward to next week's tastefest where rooney will be playing. not because i like rooney, i don't, but because it will be fun to go & heckle them in the audience, oc stizz. plus, it's always fun at the tastefest. the grizz just revealed that they will also be doing an in-store at besties in madison heights on fri 7/2 1:30-3:30. btw, i won't be at besties, but i've ended my 6 month boycot of them. now it's on to kroger on harper/8mile.

look who's barfin too?

2004-06-22T22:56:00.000+03:00

poor mary-kate olsen twin. the internet, internet2, & classic internet have all blown-up w/ the news that mary-kate has entered a treatment center for an undisclosed health issue. duhvs it's an eating disorder possibly coupled w/ drug abuse (anorexia/bulimia/coke/diet pills). maybe mischa's barfin should check-in herself & be mary-kate's 'ashley'. they could be the odd couple. which one would be the neat one? i'm guessing mary-kate, i bet mischa is kind of messy.

quick stop

2004-06-22T21:06:00.000+03:00

every blog already covered the lollapalooza tour cancelation early this morning, but what's another poor write-up to add. my take was, oh well, at least i don't have to burn a vacation day anymore. after last year's debacle, & now this, the palooza brand is sunk forever. maybe they spent too much time announcing bands & not enough time actually analyzing whether 2 day's of mediocre bands would actually sell. should have consolidated the talent (moz/wilco/walkmen/lips/etc) & stuck to the 1-day format that actually worked in the early/mid-90's. farrell's vision of palooza going to euroland is absurd. farrell & geiger should lay off the blow when thinking of a good idea but quickly eph it up by durst execution. bunch of amateurs.

no no no. no new crap, play taking care of business now...get to the working overtime part...play ain't seen nothing yet! tcb by bto...so best!

for more information on the subject, check the leafblower or whatevs, or any of the thousands of pubs covering the topic today.

random simpsons quote of the day:
qwiki mart CEO: i grant you 3 questions.
homer: are you really the head of the qwiki mart?
qwiki mart CEO: yes.
homer: really?
qwiki mart CEO: yes.
homer: you?
qwiki mart CEO: yes.
qwiki mart CEO: thank you, come again.
qwiki mart CEO: thank you, come again.

HOLLA!

2004-06-22T14:57:00.000+03:00

here's some news that oc fans & grambo will appreciate. luke (chris carmack) & amanda bynes to star together in 'lovewrecked'. the premise sounds as tired as i am reading about it now. he's a rockstar, she works at the resort, they both get thrown overboard in a cruise & end up stranded on a desert island together. did anyone see carmack's 'the last ride' on usa? i love bad movies but i couldn't even watch half of it. some say worse than hopper's 'waterworld' & 'speed'.

HOLLA! baha men made a huge comeback & released the single of the year, 'holla!'. remember like 4 years ago when 'who let the dogs out' was the biggest song in the world, then, not so much. well they're back. if you're like me, a completist, & the album & the single aren't enough for you, you'll find it on 'garfield: the movie' soundtrack. now that's good buzz. the kids are gonna love this song.
(via the grizz)

who asked for this comeback? new richard marx album to hit the pavement on aug 10, cleverly titled 'my own best enemy'. sounds like it will be as good as the lit album which featured the song w/ a similar name. can't you just disappear quietly & permanently like the other guy in wham?

all for now. maybe more later.

just another manic monday

2004-06-20T19:42:00.000+03:00

libertines' pete doherty arrested in london for possession of a knife while stopped for a traffic violation. what's next, stabbing all of the spice girls while on crystal meth?

a new blog has entered the internet2, making it cool once again to run a blog.
8thpresindahouse is run by the 221 year old martin van buren, the 8th president of the US. i know that's old, but he still seems to be able to stay up on what's hip these day's & what's not. he even threw out a 'HOLLA!' ref in his 1st post. it's much better than GW's failed blog that did nothing but talk about the size of the kidney stones that dick cheney passed over the weekends, 'how neato it is to be president' (you get free stuffed crust pizzas!), & how much fun it was playing uno last night w/ rummy/powell/cheney/rice while on vacation at camp david.

so i ordered the new ash album, meltdown, when it was released a month ago in the uk. to save some $, i opted for the free super saver shipping. after 3 weeks of waiting, i wrote it off as lost in transit. it finally showed up on my door step on friday. after ~10 listens thus far, i can say it's definitely not as good as 2001's free all angels, but there are some gems on there as good as anything they've done. it's probably in-between 1977 & free all angels. their 1st single 'orpheus' is an amazing fast & furious summer song filled w/ catchy hooks. the other outstanding tracks are 'out of the blue', 'starcrossed', 'rennegade cavalcade', & 'detonator'.

it's a more direct flat-out rock album, where charlotte & mcmurray wail away. it still has alot of catchy hooks, but no string arrangements on this album. the only track i think is bad is 'clones'---which is awful (sounds like godsmack or slipnot). wish i caught their coachella set, but the cure played at the same time. had i known about the curiosa fest, i probably would've made it over to the reviled mojave tent for tim wheeler & co's performance.

there's been alot of feedback lately on the franz ferdinand haterade being thrown around on west coast blogs, whatevs, & here. many are asking why, some are getting very defensive, some think it's funny. here's your answer: because it's fun. are they the worst band in the world? no, far from it. are they great? no, far from it. it's fun to rattle the cage of insecurity of some bloggers by continuing to make fun of franz, & getting reactions (good or bad). while i can't speak for the haterade uncle grumbo posts on his site, i can say that what i post here is all a big joke. i think alot of people get it, but some over-protective FF fans go ballistic on me in emails. that's exactly the type of reaction i aim to get.

do i think FF is good? not really, but they're okay. nothing new, nothing to write home from summer camp about. my belief is that many FF fans are/were fans of the white stripes, another not so talented, over-hyped band. the rapture had alot of buzz last year in nyc, but never really took off as hoped. i think that is a really good, fun band. if jack white ever got his shit together & formed a solid band, this would be it. in order to kind of keep that scene going, people in the industry w/ alot at stake had to latch onto a new up-&-coming retro post-punk band. FF fit the bill. i'm sure they like FF, but you'd think they were the stones or something from all the press they get. my biggest problem is seeing a blandish not that talented band get so much hype & praise, when there are so many more deserving (ie better) bands that don't. i've been saying the same thing about the white stripes for 2.5 years after they blew up, & the strokes post-room on fire. it's only a matter of time before people wise-up & see beyond all 'the buzz' & hype surrounding these bands. until then, keep listening to whatever it is you enjoy.

summary: the whole FF haterade thing is one big ephing joke for my amusement. if you think it's real, you ain't too smart.

big thanks out to seantizz & jenbo for their magnificus, superfilous bbq party they threw on saturday. the food was awesome, everyone had a good time. cheers!

went to see last tourist & jared champion play at the berkley front. stayed sober that night, but had a good time. right when i walked upstairs, i heard the FF disc playing on the house stereo, as requested specially by peabs. he loves that band. the opener was solid, & last tourist put on a solid 15 song set. they played a few new songs, which sound better than their last batch of new songs. they drew 70 people there just to see them, pretty good for only their 3rd show since making the return. peabs was visably happy, & toward the end of their set he threw his dad a father's day thanks for 'donating the sperm to create me' & 'for f'ing my mother so that i could be here today'. wow...the bartender was totally hey now. i asked her about FF & she said a friend just gave it to her that day along w/ modest mouse. i didn't make fun, just said 'they're alright'. we talked music for a little bit. hey now.

don't know what you were doing at 3:30am saturday night, but upon getting home from the post party, i flipped on the tv & started to watch 'how high' on usa. what a classic movie. method & red are best. earlier that evening we were talking about the orgins of 'holla', & less than 5min into the movie they walk into class at harvard & threw out a 'HOLLA!'. don't know if they started it, don't care. it was funny.

i went to see the rufus/ben folds/guster show last night at freedom hill. i had a lawn ticket, but was able to navigate through the friendly laid-back security, up to the 7th row. i thought grambo/the grizz/mandypants* also had lawn seats, but they had no problem walking down up front. i trailed & was getting stopped at every check point. turned out their tix were actually in row 7. i caught most of rufus' & folds' solo accoustic sets from there, & moved up to the lawn for guster's. pretty interesting mix of a crowd. they should call it freaks & geeks & hott girls=mmmmBEST!

as always, the banter in-between songs was priceless during rufus/folds. guster closed & got the crowd moving. hott girls love guster. there were these 16 yr kids sitting next to us & they were like rooney american idol rejects. peabs & seantizz kept encouraging them. finally, i pulled one aside & explained that trucker hats are worst, should NEVER be worn, & that von dutch clothes are 'von douche'. i felt like i made a positive difference in someone's life.

dido...!

what can brown do for me?

2004-06-18T20:25:00.000+03:00

pete doherty found! he's in london now. he was in bangkok thailand, & was shipped via UPS back to great britain, after being inspected for ticks. the db went awol from rehab last week. sending pete there was the best idea w/ the worst possible outcome: he didn't o.d. & die & the libertines can still make awful awful music. what can brown do for you? return your lousy junkie bandmate to you in 1 day.

worst news ever. franzia ferdinand sold their millionth album copy worldwide. are there really that many people who bought into their pretentious dance rock craptravaganza hype? i'm embarrassed to be a blogger. you've lost your way blogger villa. for shame.

enough w/ shitty bands, & on to the best band going these days (in my mind). this is one perk to living in LA, no? idlewild to showcase new material in acoustic shows on july 5th & 6th at hotel cafe. maybe a certain LA blogger knows some details on release for album #4? this points to summer, but that sounds like dodgy info.

cheers bono! fight the power. bono vox (aka paul hewson aka u2 singer) rebelliously broke smoking ban in dublin restaurants & bars (& all places of work) at the tea room. the bar is in the clarence hotel, which is owned by u2. bono was hanging out w/ the chili peppers at the time. oh, he put out the cigarette & apologized for forgetting about the ban? no buzz.

when will reality show wizards listen? we don't need more industry 'behind-the-scenes' shows. the restaurant=worst. donald trump=worst. nascar drivers 360: worst. now a&e has joined the brain-dead irreality show scene. 'airline' is in the works, an unnecessary & labored look behind southwest airlines. job applicants have more than tripled since the show was announced.

yyyyyyyesssss! he hits it! marv albert gets canned as ny knicks broadcaster on the msg network. after 36 years, & an embarrassing cross-dressing scandal a few years ago, albert finally got tossed to the curb like tuesday's rubbish. i've never liked albert. so annoying.

what is going on in the music biz? lay-offs lay-offs lay-offs. after bmg slashed like 60% of their heads this week, warner brothers is expected to cut 50% of the maverick label's heads once they take over control. not good for workers.

last night i caught the hard lessons & the nice device at st andrews in the 'out of the garage festival'. it was poorly promoted for an all ages show, & unfortunately attendance was weak. fortunately, both bands played excellent sets. alicia gbur...er, gbest! both bands put on high energy sets, it's just unfortunate that zero promotional press was done to hype up the show. if you haven't heard of these bands, you will shortly. they are the next batch of bands to break into the pages of whatever music pub you read.

unlike every other rock band in the d, they actually have a different sound. i picked up the nice device's soon to be released ep, 'birth of a lover'. it's BEST. 4 tracks recorded w/ brendan benson, 3 tracks w/ jim diamond, & mixed by zach shipps. after paying their dues since last feb, this band is primed to storm stereos everywhere. alicia is everything karen o should be...great singer/song-writer, guitarist, stage presence, & hott. amplified buzz pop indeed. augie from the hard lessons revealed that they are recording an ep now, to be released later this year. a mix of new pornographers & detroit flavor rock. ko ko has an amazing voice & is quite the organ player. check out both band's web sites for more details.

billboard reveals that interpol's new album, 'antics', will be released by matador on sept 28th. i remember hearing 2 new tracks last september on their tour, & they will be revealing more of 'antics' when they play the curiosa festival mainstage this summer. here is the track listing as it stands:
next exit
evil
narc
take you on a cruise
slow hands
not even jail
public pervert
c'mere
length of love
a time to be so small

you got it duuuuude!

2004-06-17T20:21:00.000+03:00

pat o'brien to leave access hollywood for a spin-off show called 'the insider', to launch in september. topics to be covered in his first show are, 'what was britney thinking?', 'has jacko gone wacko?', & 'is demi moore ready to become mrs ashton kutcher?'.

jon stewart had another really funny line last night on the daily show. referring to iraq's request for the return of saddam hussein to iraq's custody, president bush said, 'what assurances do we have that he'll remain in prison after we return him?'. stewart added, 'if there's one area of expertise the US brings to the table, it's prison management'. mess o' potamia. best.

random simpson's quote of the day
bart: dad, you killed the zombie flanders!
homer: he was a zombie?

note to cher: stop ephing touring! Her Durstness added yet another leg of 18 dates to her never-ending farewell tour, after already playing 200 shows. some people just don't know when to call it quits gracefully.

never heeding advice, i'm linking to it anyway. funny story on blubox yesterday.

looking for something cool to do in the d tonight...look no further than the next sentence. nice device & the hard lessons play tonight at st andrews in the 'out of the garage festival'. a couple other can't miss sets this weekend at the FREE 'rock city festival' 6/19 & 6/20 are the nice device on 6/19 at 4:45-5:10pm (west stage) & brendan benson on 6/20 at 10:10pm. yeah, it's in the back-alley behind the majestic, but it's an abortion-free zone. best.

bush is disputing the 911 commissions finding of no evidence of linkage between saddam & al-qaida. all this talky, talk talk talk, but no proofy-proof proof proof. my favorite quote is, 'This administration never said that the 9-11 attacks were orchestrated between Saddam and al-Qaida'. hmmm, then why the eph are we in iraq in the 1st place? i believe it's cos you linked iraq to 911, then the whole imaginary weapons of mass destruction thing.

3rd season of the surreal life...worst line-up ever, worst show ever. flavor flav to join jordan knight of nkotb, dave coulier of full house, ryan starr from american idol, former danish hottie birgitte nielsen & charo from the love boat. you got it duuuude!
(link via the grizz)

seacrest...out?

2004-06-17T00:55:00.000+03:00

i know it's almost 24 hours since the pistons dismantled the lakers 100-87 in the nba finals, winning the crown, but i didn't have time to post today. met up w/ fow's again at o'flat's, drank several dollar coors light drafts, got the 'no means no' & '1st oj, now kobay...stay away from the white women' chants going again at the bar. even donnie darko played in the finals again. now granda, he looked horrible, missing 1 shot badly, missing 2 free throws, & appearing to be totally phased. he even had the ball stolen from him like scott baio was defending him in the invisible man. be that as it may, all those dodgy LA smugfucks are eating their shite talk from the past 10 days. the best part is hearing all the stupid rubbish metro-detroiters say on camera when they're drunk. stuff like (my all-time fave), 'i like isiah cos he dunks!'. i heard so much stupid gibberish on the news. expect much the same at the parade tomorrow.

the new carson daly, ryan douchecrest, torches simon cowell in an interview which ironically was w/ the 'straight' times newspaper of singapore. seacrest said cowell is too harsh on un-talented contestants, & crushes their dreams of recording terrible albums filled w/ suicide inducing cover songs. although i'm not a big fan, cowell is the ONLY reason to watch that show--god forbid someone's actually honest on fox. & he was on the simpsons this past year as a pre-school admissions screener. who the hell is seacrest? i never heard of him until fall 2003, the 2nd season of idol. this guy was that brown-noser in high school you hated. who sucks more D on that show, paula abdul or seacrest? toss up.

andy dick pleads not guilty to drug possession rap from coachella. i know this bust was revealed post coachella by every blogger, but who gets pinched by a rent-a-cop? what a fucking tourist. he went from getting busted for coke in '99 to pot in '04. nice slide. it should have been at least heroin or speedball. even i know that. he kind looks like a deranged eccentric peabs, no?

who knew rivers cuomo started a blog? me neither. he's posted 3 new songs on it though. & i thought i was too late to the party.

yeah you're always, up to no good. phantom planet singer alex greenwald does a peta promo, poses w/ a baby chicken, & spews the worst quote ever, 'there's a lot of horrendous things that go on, not to everyone's knowledge (re: chicken farming). people should be aware of it, & not just how cute little chicks can be'. who do you think you are chris martin? maketrade...worst

the grizz forwarded me this badly drawn boy buzz earlier (since i can't find a link)...

Astralwerks is proud to announce the addition of Badly Drawn Boy to its roster. The new album One Plus One Is One will be released on July 27, 2004. In a world where the prolific are seen as freaks and consistency is frowned upon (people like to think of musicians lost, scrabbling pitifully on the ground then rising again- it makes for good copy) Badly Drawn Boy (AKA Damon Gough) is mighty hard to deal with. But there's something else. For Damon is not only consistent and prolific (his last two records, The About A Boy Soundtrack & Have You Fed The Fish? were released just seven months apart) he is, as a writer, still in the ascendant. The piano and guitar parts on One Plus One Is One will have you asking if our unassuming hero is really the author of almost all you hear. And the passionately positive lyrical themes will, allied to tunes you swear are so classic they must have come from some ancient mother-lode, have you smiling. Damon's music finds the innocent in everyone and disarms time & time again.

Badly Drawn Boy began work in June 2003 at Stockport England's Moolah Rouge Studios. Damon had decided he wanted to be nearer to his home for the making of this LP, as most of Have You Fed The Fish? was put together in LA. Moolah Rouge is just a 15-minute cab ride from his house. You don't get jetlag during the journey from his home outside of Manchester to Stockport. And you get to see your kids now & again. These things were important. One Plus One Is One is a simpler & more spacious record than the micro detailed Fish. It was meant to be that way. Sure there are some sonic shenanigans and a playfulness that speaks of the relaxed atmosphere this record was created in, but it stands or falls on the quality of the songs. It stands.

One Plus One Is One is fundamentally organic & computer free. It has the space & darkness of Gainsbourg's Melody Nelson, the pagan folkiness of Paul Giovanni's Wicker Man soundtrack, & the universal positivity of Jesus Christ Superstar. It's that ambitious and it connects- w/ songs about passing on good fortune, looking after your friends, encouraging the basic humanity in all of us, and always finding the love that makes us more than monkeys. The US release of One Plus One Is One will include the bonus tracks, 'Don't Ask Me I'm Only The President' & 'Plan B'.

moving on to 'things you don't care about', today was a bad day. shockey's were bugging me all day to get some stuff done. i've spent alot of time recently contemplating things that need to change for the better. no, i'm not talking about weekend surgery in vegas or anything. i'm talking quitting smoking on july 12th, for good. i've quit for 3 month stints twice, but stress has always made me crumble & light up again. i've started walking ~4 miles/day, & in a few weeks that will be 3-4 miles running per day. not looking forward to the murder my lungs are going to go through, but who wants to die of lung cancer. duhvs, drinking will need to be curbed, cos nothing knocks you off the wagon faster than binge drinking.

i'll stay away from the career arena, but that's one too. it's buzzless to find that 4.5 years out of school, i'm not real content w/ (my area of work). glad i spent >40 grand on the degree. worst. although i didn't win the big game lotto last night, i did win $3. if i won, i wouldn't have to worry about any of this crap. maybe friday i'll win? yeah, i'm gonna do that. also, i think i'm going to stop being a smart-ass prick so much. when pressure torques my bp, i'm going to drop a 'serenity now', kramer stizz. from bitter smoker to happy non-smoker? some say implausible. we shall see. the patch coupled w/ weekly sessions w/ a topless hypnotherapist can work miracles.

what was britney thinking?

2004-06-16T00:41:00.000+03:00

nice article on reuters covering the spiritual/higher being influx into network programming. featured shows are 'joan of arcadia' & 'tru calling'. buzz.

bjork's new album due out in august. samples can be heard on her website. it features contributions from experimental electronic duo matmos & japanese beatboxer dokaka. odd, but it's bjork. sounds like bjork. should be good, or at least interesting.

it's that time again where tom izzo makes spartan country sweat out the sleuth of hiring interest thrown at him by nba teams. currently there is strong interest from the toronto raptors in the michigan state head basketball coach. i can't see him leaving (yet), but i'm sure he's growing ever more frustrated by the increasing early-exits for the nba. if & when he does leave for the nba, it won't be to take over this team. (link via the gorilla)

at least i'm not alone on this...even jack white doen't understand why the white stripes are so popular. (link via employee comedy)

onyx whore-tel tour cancelled! what was britney thinking? knee injury forces brit to cancel the summer leg of the whore-tel tour.

duran duran to record a new album...

can't wait for the nba finals to be done with, & kobay's rape trial begins. sick of hearing the kobay, dr. phil, hot karl, etc crying on tv about how they are losing because the ref's aren't respecting them & giving them any calls. seems to me that they're losing because they didn't respect the pistons & assumed their experience would win this series. go toss the virtual salad, chelios stizz. tonight's game 5 prediction: pistons 82 lakers -74 (negative points? shaq goes bananaz in the 3rd & just keeps pushing the ball up through the bottom of the lakers' hoop over & over, deducting 2 points each time).

very slow news day & very bad day at work. durst lumber revealed.

roll call...

2004-06-15T02:29:00.000+03:00

unfortunately for blogger villa, damore wasn't able to attend the franzia ferdinand show in the d last night. as much as i was psyched about the opportunity to throw eggs & bags of wine at the talentless d-nozzles up on stage, the pistons game took priority. i also wasn't thrilled at the prospect of trying to explain to my boss this morning why i would be late to work due to an arrest. he probably would've seen it on nme.com before i would've got to make my 1 phone call anyway. lousy sunday concerts.

i think this is the most appropriate headline ever-- papa roach commits 'murder' this september...w/ the release of their 3rd major label lp.

anyone want a.c. slater's leftover doritos? hottie ali landry has filed for divorce from the former 'saved by the bell' star. divorce papers filed by landry's attorneys cited, 'ms. landry was getting 'creeped out' by the frequency at which mr. lopez referred to her as 'screech' during intimate moments, showing evidence of his infidelity'. way too much info.

um, worst. the soon to be televised irreality back-alley abortion known as 'rock star' will be a try-out of sorts for a singing gig w/ inxs. i'm pretty sure i covered 'rock star' last week, but...i love old inxs as much as the next 80's child, but this band hasn't had any buzz since 'welcome to wherever you are'. mostly because one of the guy's on the album cover looks a bit like the 1992 me(when the album was released). auditions will cover 5 continents & the outcome will be recording a terrible album w/ the band & then a world tour playing sold-out back-alley's in a town near you. where will you find damore? in a hotel room, michael hutchenced, hanging naked by a nuse ending the torment this show/album/tour will cause.

earlier today the grizz revealed an email cancellation notice of courtney love's summer tour. mtv news cites cross-country 'legal woes' as the shotgun blast to the head (their words, not mine). here is the email:

From: bastard117@ticketbastard.com
Sent: Monday, June 14, 2004 1:11 PM
Subject: COURTNEY LOVE - SHOW NOTIFICATION

THIS IS AN INFORMATION ONLY EMAIL - PLEASE DO NOT REPLY!!
Hello, this is Ticketbastard Customer Service with an important alert regarding your upcoming event. Courtney Love, scheduled at Clutch Dursto's on Tues, July 6th, 2004 at 7:00pm has been cancelled. Your account has been issued a credit in the full amount of the ticket price and service charges. The $4.10 per order processing fee and any UPS or Ticketbast Delivery charges are non-refundable.

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact us via our website at www.ticketbastard.com. Thank you for using Ticketbastard!

eph you & your non-refundable bullshit order processing fees & delivery charges!!!!!!!

just cos creed broke up doesn't mean scott stapp quit being a douchebag. he is suing a classy florida strip-club called 'diamond dolls' for playing 'my sacrifice' w/out paying the necessary licensing fees. listen a-hole, be glad your rubbish music is getting played at all. even mark slaughter is suing the club for playing slaughter's hit 'fly to the angels'. i won't even waste a 'dodgy' ref on your d-bag consortium of franzia.

>the best for last...final destination 3: the movie, is in the works. it would complete the highly successful & bestever trilogy. rumours i've read include it being shot in 3D, the setting being an amusement park, & kelly osbourne having a bit role in it. i'm all for kelly oz having a gruesome death in the movie. add paris hilton & the libertines as well. just bring back aj cook & don't kill her off. (linkage via nummer)

alright stop...hammertime

2004-06-14T19:53:00.000+03:00

gee, i didn't see this one coming--but when you're right, you're right. nme reveals that pete doherty of the libertines has ditched out of rehab in thailand & is thought to be heading for bangkok, for some super duper drugs. allow me to boast a bit on this one. i so called this bs thailand rehab trip for what it was last week. nothing but a way to score some great drugs. duhvs.

pistons embarrassed the lakers again last night, winning 88-80. i'm pretty sick of hearing the media still s'ing the lakers' d as of yesterday. all of those abc/espn broadcasting fuks predicted the lakers would win last night. all i heard all weekend was that the lakers lost those 2 games, the pistons didn't win them, & that the lakers would right their ship & win the series. what the lakers don't get is that it's NOT only the size of the d that matters, but also technique.

all of those laker fucks (kobay, shaq, pampers) were all 'we don't need to panic, we'll play our game on sunday & win'. detroit has beaten the eph out of you, you're getting out-played, out-hussled, & out-classed by detroit. the better team is winning & will win tomorrow against smugtown. just like the patriots, the team w/ the most future hall of famers doesn't always win, but the best TEAM usually does. the lakers should take some notes on the red wings while they're in town for 2 more days. i think most of the wings are at the games anyway. cheliblos will gladly tell you how much his summer blows, if he's sober enough to speak & all.

one thing i was surprisingly impressed w/ was kid rock's performance during the pre-game. he was dressed as WT, but before he sang 'america the beautiful', he dedicated the song to all of the armed forces troops, ronald reagan, & ray charles. that was pretty classy, & he actually sang pretty well. he didn't do his patented kid rock yell until after the song, which was something like 'let's rock & roll!'.

last night (during commercials) i caught clips of maxim's hot 100 on vh1. a couple points of interest: liz phair came in at #45, not too shabby for the 37 year old mom. but nicole richie was something like #29 on the list---wtf?! nicole is sooooo skanky (& not in the hott way). earlier yesterday i was at kroger & saw she was scantily clad on the cover this month's stuff magazine. i purposely don't have links or pics here because that would be durst. anyway, i don't need that kind of traffic coming my way--searches for 'nicole+richie+... ashanti was #20. remember those pics on whatevs? worst.

traffic on this site has been crazed today. i'm somehow getting all these search hits looking for info on geneiveve gowman, the wannabe playmate who's trying to clean out verne troyer's mini-pockets. i think my all-time high of 600 visits will be history by 2pm. thanks for the random hits, you ephing douchebags! welcome to the party pal!

i turn the ac on high

2004-06-13T23:47:00.000+03:00

today the olsen twins turned 18. no more buzz for them. i suspect we won't be hearing much from until the 1st drug bust or public catfight, maybe their senior year at nyu.

i was watching a re-run of thurday's the daily show & jennifer love hewitt was the guest, as garfield the movie was forced into theatres this weekend. jon stewart absopurely killed during the interview. i'm paraphrasing a bit here, but stewart started like this: 'so garfield was really popular back in the 80's w/ a tv cartoon & a comic strip, but since then...not so much.' hewitt was shocked to hear him trash it. he then jumped into, 'so what do you think the creators were thinking when they decided to greenlight this movie?'. possibly the quote of the year re: bill murray doing the voice of the cat, 'bill murray must be some kind of crazy whore for money now'. jlh was visably pissed-off at stewart for torpedoing her latest debacle of a movie, & said, 'thanks for encouraging people everywhere to rush out & see the movie. thanks'. i don't think jlh is cool & secure enough to have pre-staged this hatchet job, so i think it was real. right up there w/ letterman's interview w/ janet jackson earlier this year. best. is there a smarter, funnier show on tv? amazingly, garfield pulled in over $21mil at the BO this weekend. puzzeling.

did anyone see brittany murphy at the mtv movie awards? she looked exactly like ellen degeneres. short blonde hair-do & all. apparently the wayans brothers, fresh off finishing their cross-dressing abortion flick, 'white girls', are still into grabbing lesbians' asses. they grabbed murphy's at the awards.

saturday i went to the WAB for the prime ministers cd release party of 'the prime ministers go for glory'. i went han solo style due to all the out-of-towners this weekend, which i only do for HIGHLY anticipated shows (duhvs, this being one). btw...uncle grambo did a great write-up on the album friday, found here. there was an opening band, drag day, who i felt over-stayed their welcome. i think they were friends w/ the wab mgmt, & played for well over an hour. the real back-breaker for me was when they closed their set w/ a cover of interpol's obstacle 1. worst. the singer was no ian curtis. note to bands out there...don't cover interpol!

thankfully, the pm's came up soon did not disappoint, ripping through ~14 songs of power-pop rock goodness, mostly from their new lp, but a few old favorites as well. my faves on the new album so far are 'bored-again kristin' (which is FANTASTIC), 'hall of fame', 't-minus whatever', & 'summer shoulders'. at $8, this album is a steal. all sounded great live, & the full capacity wab crowd was totally into their set, grooving along. if you like fountains of wayne, sloan, urge overkill, great power-pop-rock in general, you'll love this band & this album. grambo was dead on when he said it's a perfect summer album. so very catchy. an added bonus at the show was a bulletin i like to call 'the prime ministers go for glory...REVEALED!'. it was a program that gives track-by-track insight into the meanings/inspiration, the recording process, etc. fans were also blessed w/ a piece of fancy prime minister photo cake. mmmmBEST! upon hearing someone in the crowd yelled 'so best!' in-between songs, singer/guitarist todd wicks said 'revealed'.

if you missed this epic show, don't fret, they will be playing w/ other local/fow faves last tourist on thurs july 15th at smalls. so much buzz. this potentially could be the PM's last show before taking a break from shows for awhile, so mark your calendars, & don't miss this show.

i HIGHLY recommend this album. detroiters can pick it up at wendells in royal oak, rock-a-billys in utica, & record time (ferndale & roseville), at their upcoming show/s. everyone can order via email at info@theprimeministers.com.

pistons should defeat the lakers tonight (tip-off is 75min away)213-17, to take a 3-1 lead in this d-town beat-down.

pistons choke LA w/ their glorious D

2004-06-11T18:18:00.000+03:00

so much uzz it's sick. pistons were judge judy , jury, & executioner last night & sentenced kobay to 3 nights of painful back-alley intrusions. kobe was limited to 1 field goal in the 1st half & 11 points total in the game. i was way off on the score (my prediction was d-town 9, rapers-7 in triple ot), but i got the outcome right. stones crush the lakers 88-68. ouch! games 4 & 5 will be pistons blow-outs as well, momentum is all detroit aces full. i expect the next 2 games to be auburn hills abortion clinics. once the lakers lose the series, LA has no more use for kobe. he didn't win a title for you this year & he's gonna leave la via free agency this summer (or jail time next year). you might as well stab him in the back OJ stizz before he tells YOUR city to bend over.

i watched the game at o'flats w/ many from the fow nation--i was pretty drunk, & got some chants going in the bar everytime kobe got the ball. i'm talking 'no means no!' & '1st OJ, now KoBay...stay away from the white girls' (kited from megan at employee comedy). no one joined in, but i found it amusing. i also enjoyed making fun of gary 'pampers' payton & luke 'i'm your father' walmarts. when it's bad, it's bad---the kobe defense team also suffered a big blow when the judge upheld the colorado rape shield law.

speaking of best, i got the new badly drawn boy, & it's so ephing good. i would go as far to say that it's a top 5 album of the year. it's definitely better than have you fed the fish?, & right up there w/ bewilderbeast & about a boy. there's over-the-top orchestrations, & jethro tull-esque flute added. heavy metal album of the year? maybe. big props to beej for burning that for me & big congrats to him & his wife, rachel, who are now expecting. cheers! you two are so grown up. makes me wish i did something w/ my life...eh, whatya gonna do.

lame. why is everyone in the d so ephing uptight? have a drink, relax. abc affiliate pulls the jimmy kimmel show last night over his joke about pistons fans torching the city when they win the series. kimmel said, 'what i said about pistons fans during halftime last night was a joke, nothing more. if i offended anyone i am sorry. clearly over the past 10 years, we in L.A. have taken a commanding lead in post-game riots. if the lakers win, i hope to overturn my own car'. i don't know if i'm more embarrassed by all of these pussies in the d whining about kimmel's joke, or kid rock & eminem at the game. this whole thing stinks of a poorly veiled attempt to oust kimmel due to poor ratings, & this is just a bs excuse.

jack white claims he's had the best year ever. maybe. he's got tons of fans, money, etc. i would say not really. playing on the same stage w/ beck would be enough for me to go on a 6 month bender in nyc, tim wheeler stizz, re-examine my life, & abuse prozac & whatever it is that courtney love is on.

poor mini-me. a gold-digging wannabe playmate, genevieve gowman, is seeking financial spousal support from actor verne troyer. she produced documents she claims proves they were legally wed back in january. verne you got to be careful & plan ahead...pre-nups.

needs more drums lars!

2004-06-11T01:02:00.000+03:00

it's been awhile since blogging about other bloggers, so this is where i start giving head to other bloggers' stuff (that frankly i find less witty than most of my own stuff, but still good none-the-less). some stuff i found amusing or worthwhile:

check-out megan's post on employee comedy...it's a qwiki but a goody. since 'those'. best.

mo over at shebmo has a great write-up on the velvet revolver show titled bulletproof. the wild, shirtless lyrics of mark farner, the bong rattling bass of mel schacher, the competent drum work of don brewer...you know, grand funk...er velvet revolver.

god bless karen+1. her post today of the olsen twins senior pictures is priceless. love the druggie themed names. mary-cokate & hashley. mmmmBEST!

there's also a great line from her earlier post today re: lars, 'apparently being old gives you an excuse to be both a pussy and a dick.'

'editor's' note: i've met lars a few times, & he is a fucking prick.

the gorilla is covering editor duties on whatevs while grambo is in vegas paying tiger paw homage at the sigfreid & roy memorial. actually he'll probably just be getting drunk all weekend w/ so says i & the blueprint, blowing his life savings on betting how quickly chris cheliblos will spotted on tv next to his village people posse at the pistons/lakers game 4 in the d. anyway, the gorilla's 1st post is political think piece. by political i mean it's funny.

information leafblower reveals that grant hill might be getting traded somehow again. danny ainge...is there a worse gm in basketball? the #1 pick doesn't mean anything this year. okafor is a shorter clone of dikembe mutombo. dwight howard won't be a star for 7 years, until he's 25 & playing somewhere else (a la jermaine o'neal). i was so happy when the stones traded hill. i was even happier afterward when we found out ben wallace & chucky atkins could play.

almost as worse as solo scott stapp material, gavin rossdale is recording a solo album now. be happy you're married to gwen & spare the world from bleeding eardrum syndrome, & SIDS. no buzz.

speaking of wurst, & i know i joked about this last week when creed announced their greatest hits album...fred durst & co reveal that they are going to release a greatest hits limp bizkit album late this year. it will feature 3 NEW unlistenable tracks. the titles say it all...'why?', 'relentless', & 'masturbation'. durst reveals that all 3 were inspired by the stages he went through when he got shot down by avril lavigne at the metallica tribute show. durst.

enough of that. tonight's game should be best. a crowd of psuedo-celeb douchebags in detroit should be funny. if i had to predict an outcome, i would have to say pistons-9 lakers-7 in triple ot. time to drink. bye.

no buzz 6/10/04

2004-06-10T18:06:00.000+03:00

5) garfield: the movie- stars jennifer love hewitt, & bill murray. is this really a commercially viable project? didn't the garfield tv cartoon die like 10 years ago? possibly the worst cartoon strip ever, next to 'kathy' of course. if JLH is in it, it must be REALLY bad. she hasn't made a good movie, since... well, okay, she's never made a good movie. i still likey her alot even if she makes crappy movies, & her tv shows make 'cop & a half' look like the greatest movie since 'dumb & dumber'. CG animal stars have no buzz. let me guess, garfield eats alot of lasagna? wouldn't see it even if heidi klum was giving free hojo's at the forum30.

4) 2004 mtv movie awards: wow, musical performances by d12 & the yeah yeah yeahs? no no no. celeb skanks paris hilton & carmen electra kiss, & detroit douchebag m&m moons the crowd. why watch it at 9pm tonight, you already know what's going to happen cos it taped like 2 weeks ago. it will be re-played 300 times by july, & the pistons/lakers are on tonight. any movie award show where winners include '50 first abortions', 'freaky friday abortion', & 'X2- x-men: back alleys revealed' has no buzz.

3) bill parcells, the racist: uses racial slurs in a press conference, says 'no offense intended', & it's 5x5 w/ the nfl & the cowboys' org? just because you look like rodney dangerfield in caddy shack doesn't mean you can call every asian-american 'wang, no offense'. if i was an asia-pacific islander, i would be pretty po'ed right now. if it had been a racial slur referencing african americans in some way, you bet he would have been more heavily reprimanded. since there are very few asian-americans in the league, they looked the other & are trying to sweep it under the rug. shame on you nfl & jerry jones!

2) 'rock star': survivor & apprentice creator & douchebag extraordinaire, mark burnett, is pitching an idea for an irreality tv show where contestants would compete for an opportunity to sing in a rock band & potentially go out on tour w/ the band. what, did this guy spend all of last weekend watching vh1's 'movies that rock'? cos i'm pretty sure the movie by the exact same name & exact same premise played 12 times over the past weekend, & it's horrible. how about this for a reality show: take all of the famous reality tv show creatives, make them compete for their lives each week by creating a reality tv show that doesn't suck. the winner stays alive. that should end the entire genre once & for all.

1) rapists: nice shot in game 2, KoBay Simpson. some rapists have all the luck. you shouldn't even be playing basketball this year. i know you're to be presumed innocent & all (until you're inevitably proven guilty), but did you see OJ doing hertz commercials/nbc commentating when he got pinched for murdering nicole & goldman? no. the lakers have no class, & no buzz. jason kid beats his wife & he gets traded from phoenix to jersey because of it. if you were rick fox, or some other scrub, no doubt you would've been dealt or axed. those greedy LA fucks!

mmmm...DOH!nuts

2004-06-09T18:59:00.000+03:00

when you're wrong, you're wrong. if i were to provide a 1 word review of my morning today, it would be 'crestfallen'. seeing the pistons overcome an 11 point 3rd quarter deficit, up 6 w/ under a minute left in the 4th. only to lose the lead on a shaq (notherapist) 3-point play & an uncontested kobe (therapist) 3-ball w/ 2.1secs left, to send it into OT. worst. the pistons were shell-shocked new order stizz & were dispondant in the ot period. now they have to come back home & re-group. that loss has to sting badly today, & i'm sure the re-eye flight back was pretty quiet.
despite the loss, it was great to see gary payton crying on the bench about his lack of pt, & it was WORST to see luke walton having success. I EPHING HATE BILL WALTON & ANYTHING SPAWNED BY HIM!!!!!!!!!

2 things can happen now: a) the pistons use this loss as motivation & rebound back to game 1 defensive form or b) they crumble from a devastating loss & lose in 5. knowing this team (as a fan), my bet is that they win game 3, they split at home & steal game 5 in LA. game 6 is where they win it back at home.

so if you're not keeping track at home, the series stands at pistons-1, rapists-1. all we need is bob seger to perform at every game's half-time show in the d, & we're golden, as in richard golden from D.O.C. eph kid rock, eph aretha franklin & her house of skank. it's all about seger. btw, i love all of you smug LA fucks!

bloggers have been dropping off like flies lately. last week, peabs & glamorama called it quits, this week ultragrrrl did too. i see grambo's keeping tabs of the causalities on whatevs under 'R.I.P.'

this just in...brits love homer simpson. they recently voted his classic catch-phrase 'doh!' #1 on the all-time tv comedy faves list in nuts magazine (crazy brits). #2 was 'don't panic' from some show i've never heard of. doh is now even in the oxford english dictionary:
'expressing frustration at the realization that things have turned out badly or not as planned or that one has just said or done something foolish. also implying that another person has said or done something foolish.' best.
remember when magic said, 'i just pulled a homer'? that should be in there too.

a bad sign for joey? seems that his neighbor's character is getting re-casted. 1st chink in the armor of nbc's thursday night behemoth? yes. this show is going to bomb. i expect it will get joey butafuco'ed mid-season.

contraband--the new velvet revolver album is best. rock & roll--plain & simple. if you don't like stp, you won't like it. if you don't like heavy guitar riffs, you won't like it. if you suck, you won't like it. for the record, i bought the black album cover disc.

everyones' favorite libertines stalkers report that pete doherty is going to 'rehab' in thailand. yeah, that makes sense! he'll be dead by monday. coincidentally they just happen have some of the best & most easily accessible drugs there. enjoy that last hit of smack, douchebaggio. can't wait for the memorial concert & the dvd's to be released on amazon.db.

damn. i sure am sad that loretta lynn has had to postpone summer tour dates due to her bad back. no jack white durstness to be revealed in concert this summer in the d? best. i saw that blogger is now issuing a promo-douche-pack to every new blogger member. included are copies of van lear rose, franz ferdinand, & modest mouse. worst.

body massage

2004-06-08T17:34:00.000+03:00

the billboard nom's are in & r-kells leads w/ 7, including male r&b artist most likely to (statutorily) rape your teenage daughter (in his mind), & best golden shower home video footage, featuring 14 year old girls. must be new categories, kind of sick if you ask me. kells was reportedly angry that his home video editing work & special effects were snubbed by the nomination committee. special effects being him wizzing in a bottle of the cris', having his 15 year old wife pour it all over her chest, & drink the rest. r-kells then does a voice-over saying, 'do you like, tasting my urine all up in that bitch?'.

this just in, back-alley's across the US were taking #'s in delta force last night. nielsen ratings for last night's tonys award show have been tallied & indicate that the show bit hugh-jass. in fact, possibly the least watched tonys ever. hmmm, hugh jackman as the host? maybe the worst host decision ever. ok, ok--whoopi goldberg, jeff goldblum, susan sarandon, & billy crystal all would've been far worse. let's pick a male actor, who's not funny, & is best known for playing the role of a childrens'-comic-book freak in 2 movies, & van helsing in this year's unrelated sequel to league of extraordinary gentlemen. who cares about the tonys anyway, who watches this crap anyway.

tonight's pistons/lakers game in the la should be another good one. i hope the court stays dry during the game though. gary payton has been crying & pouting like me when i was 5 & my mom wouldn't buy me the g.i. joe cobra command center. seriously, he's pissed cos his teammates aren't getting him involved in the offense enough, after shooting something like 1-4 w/ 3 points in sunday's game1. he wouldn't talk to the media after the game or yesterday, & was fined 5 grand. now his team-mates have to deal w/ that bs w/ the media. you're a former all-nba player, gary. suck it up & be a man you little beyotch. start acting like an ephing veteran. sorry LA, but you knew what you were getting when you signed him in the off-season. a ball-hogging tempermentally explosive guard past his prime w/ a big ego. don't be surprised if this implodes your team. prediction for tonight's game2: pistons 91, lakers 29

ac/dc to get a street named after them in melbourne, austria. beloved so much that even the austrians have adopted ac/dc as their own sons since so many ignorant americans confuse ac/dc as being from either austria or australia. (link via c friggs)

bill parcells, not one to ever by outdone by jeremy shockey, ups the ante by moving on from 4th grade homophobe semantics (ie 'the homo '), & spews out 1940's japanese racial haterade slur-pees in an interview. are you seers big tuna? more like big douchebag. parcells...the racist.

dodgy is the new sketchy

2004-06-07T19:49:00.000+03:00

if you don't want read about the high profile surprise wedding from the weekend, you've come to the right place. if you want to read about dido, the stones, gene simmons & velvet revolver...

i'll get to the stones huge win over the lakers in a minute...

last night's dido show at the fox theatre, in the d, was probably the sleeper show of the year. meaning it will go down as the best show of the year, but expectations weren't that high going in. the fow nation (seantizz, grizz, mandypants*, nummer, gp jen & grambo) met up at the town pump pre-show for drinks. rarely do perks like suite tix come my way, but i was able to score 4 tix in my employer's suite for the show, & 2 free parking passes. we got to the venue a little after 8, missing the opener jonathon rice. grambo had a solo ticket, so i pulled some dodgy manuevers to get him into the suite too. i'll throw myself some props on that, cos it was the best scamola ever. dido went on at 8:30, & was 100% pure hottness wearing jeans & white top, being as graceful as a butterfly. her bass player was wearing a pistons jersey, & dido made several references to the pistons/lakers game-- stroking detroit's egos by supporting the stones. mmmmBEST! her accent, so so best. the crowd of 4500 fell in love w/ her instantly.

btw, she's not moving to LA. her voice sounded so good, & her band was tight, going through a good mix of songs from no angel & life for rent, plus 1 or 2 i wasn't familiar with. in total, i think she played 15 or 16 songs. thankfully eminem was nowhere to be seen when she played 'thank you'. i always thought that dido made eminem, not vice-versa. em's song stan features dido/thank you & pretty much makes that song. that song blew up & made him a god. w/out dido, eminem is hanging at pistons games drinking beers w/ kid rock & chris cheliblos acting like a jackass. anyway, back to dido---i've never heard more beautiful banter in-between songs--is there a prettier voice in the word? dido even threw out the term 'dodgy', as in 'dodgy holiday flings'. it forever replaces my use of shady or sketchy from now on. dodgy. this will probably the best concert i go to this year. unless the verve reunites to play at my x-mas party. that good. since i started writing this some 3 hours ago, grambo has posted his review--check it out. HOLLA!

dee-troit basssket-ball. dee-troit basssket-ball. dee-troit basssket-ball. dee-troit basssket-ball. the pistons shockey the world & dominate the la lakers in an 87-75 victory in game one of the finals. i'm still sticking w/ my pistons in six prediction, although a sweep is possible. la...bunch of ephing students!

proving ever the d-bag, gene simmons to release a boxed set of 100 songs unfathomably even worse than anything spawned by kiss. i hate this band. i hate that they mass market & license all their crap like krusty the clown. mostly, cos their music sucks, & they're treated like royalty. can you tell that i don't like gene simmons? it didn't help hearing the jag-off on npr a few months ago being a total a-hole to the female interviewer. pretty much the only kiss song i ever liked was 'i wanna rock & roll all night, & party every day'. mostly because it's in 'dazed & confused' though.

06/08/04--contraband. velvet revolver. so much buzz. tomorrow, their album hits stores everywhere. here's an interesting story i found on the band this morning. contraband...some say the new strays.
(link via the gorilla)

without warning

2004-06-06T20:51:00.000+03:00

remember that terrible joke from like '88--what do bob probert & william 'the fridge' perry have in common? they're both full of coke. well flash forward 16 years & the fridge is full of 8 deep dish digornos & probert is still fully stocked w/ 8-balls. probey was arrested friday morning in delray beach, & things got so bad that police even had to taser him several times. probert parked his car in the wrong direction, started yelling several men on the street for gay tricks, & got out of his car & tried starting a fight. he then tried fighting the police. they shockey'ed him 5-10 times w/ the tasers.

upon getting to the west palm county, probert listed his name as the alias 'the bad one'. this is the former hockey player best known for 6 dui's, & trying to smuggle coke from canada to detroit in his boxer shorts--there was a liter of jack daniels sitting on the dash, & he was wasted. real smart, you douchebag.
(link via bigmatt)

why was there no warning given by the grizz? i went out friday night to seantizz & jenbo's abode in royal oak & bbq'd w/ peabs, grambo, jpmckrengels, the grizz & mandypants*. i stayed pretty much sober, & left at 12:30am to meet up at the bar down the street from my house. i had 5 drinks in ~1 hour, got pretty buzzed, & went home. watching the tv box, i decided to check out who was guesting on last call w/ carson d-bag, & was floored. they were showing a re-run from last june featuring miss tru davies, & the late fred berry (re-run from what's happening). mmmmmBEST! i caught her entire interview, which was pure hottness. i think she reads whatevs & retrobuzz cos she said the following (twice!), 'kills your buzz', a reference to taxi cab confessions (avaleesh!), & again used the term 'buzz'. best! she was wearing black leather pants w/ the sides cut-out (btvs faith stizz) & a black tank-top sporting 'diablo'. lucky for the grizz, i stumbled upon it, & was able to tape it. here are the screencaps...

speaking of carson douchesdaly, wtf was the outfit he wore at the horse track saturday at the belmont? worst.

dirty mckean sighted jeff tweedy walking through wicker park last night in czechago. tweedy was sporting trucker hat. must have been in disguise. i doubt there will be many better albums released this year than wilco's 'a ghost is born'. it's been stuck on repeat on my ipod (in my mind).

did you think that i was gonna give it up to you?

2004-06-04T22:19:00.000+03:00

as i was flipping channels last night, i saw that the stanley cup finals game 5 was on. i watched for ~3min, got bored & found 'what a girl wants' on cinemax was on. i watched ~ 10min of that, but couldn't figure what was going on since i tuned in during the middle of it. bynes. anyway, does anything have less buzz these days than nhl hockey? it's gary bettman's wet dream come tru: the calgary flames vs the tampa bay lightning. wow, lot of action. truthfully, i stop caring about hockey once the red wings are done for the season. i was hoping for a detroit/toronto finals, but whatever. this tv ratings abortion should cement the work stoppage later this year. the games look like they've been great, but i couldn't care any less about 2 teams. apparently you feel the same way since games 3 & 4 ratings were the lowest since 1998 (cough, wings, cough). 2 weeks ago i went, 'holy shitt, tampa bay is the #1 seed in the east...who knew'. calgary hasn't had ANY buzz since the '88 winter olympics & '89 when joey mullen helped them win the cup. maybe it's that i HATE seeing so many 1-0 or 2-1 outcomes. maybe that's why soccer has no buzz in the usa. tie games are the worst. so unsatisfying. for the record, i'm pulling for calgary. eph you tampa bay! eph you duff gardens!

since you're here because of whatevs, i'm wasting my time linking to today's feature presentation on whatevs. because i don't care, i'm covering it anyway. today's post titled 'juiced' might be the funniest post in the history of whatevs. his run-down of the oj reality show w/ ideas sporting appearances by pedro guerrero, marcus allen, deniro, jayson williams, etc=absopure buzz. one thing i'd like to suggest is adding kobe & jason kidd to the mardi gras caravan party of felons. fellons gone wild? felons gone ape shit! after the straw steals the last 8-ball, jayson williams 'accidentally' shoots the straw w/ a shotgun, his body is cut in half. oj & nate newton stage an elaborate farce (a la weekend at bernies) where nate compensates for the heavy blood loss by stuffing the straw's torso full of weed, & they duct tape the straw back together. he's even able to make another comeback playing for the yankees. but they all get busted when the straw shows up on time for court appearances & starts passing drug tests. makes for some gooooood watching.

i'm thinking that peabs' announcement that he's now retired from the blog business is a joke. though i guess it makes sense. he's done every drug there is, shagged every crack whore there is, partied w/ all the washed-up celebs from the 80's. what else is left to blog about? he's covered it all. i'll miss the daily posts by peabs, but he's pretty much like that in real life, so i'll be hanging out w/ the at home version of his blog anyway. cheers peabs, we salute you, you ephing handjob! now the pressure's on. first glamorama calls it quits this week, then peabs. if you're expecting me to pick up some slack, don't. retrobuzz peaked weeks ago. i'm waiting for www.thegorilla.blogspot.com & www.thegrizz.blogspot.com to debut soon.

great fake-out mojo. granholms vs ah-nuld. AP...bunch of ephing drop-outs. if the rapers won, ah-nuld would send granholm a meal featuring wine, asparagus, strawberries & an in-n-out burger, which granholm would've eaten while sporting a lakers jersey. if the stones won, granholm would send ah-nuld a warm baked meat/potato pastie, a vernors, & chocolate covered michigan cherries, which ah-nuld would've eaten while sporting a pistons jersey. jennie, you dumb twat! (link via nummer & whatevs)

10 out of 10 teen music starlets won't even sleep w/ durst. avril disses durst, who tried to pick her up at the metallica tribute concert. this is the entire interview in rollingstone.">the short & sweet of it is located here. when is fred gonna finally realize that he is the worst human being on earth? (story via bigmatt)

mmmmmmmmBEST NEWS EVER!!!!!!!

2004-06-04T17:03:00.000+03:00

CREED BREAKS-UP (FINALLY)!!!!!!!!!! THERE IS A GOD. maybe nickelback & 3 doors down will be next? i thought that this was so funny i'm just posting the entire email that was forwarded to me by the grizz. best. the funniest part is the ending...that they're going to relaese a greatest hits album. what hits? WORST BAND EVER!!!!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------
SCOTT STAPP AND MARK TREMONTI READY NEW MATERIAL FOR FIRST POST-CREED RELEASES
One of the most successful songwriting partnerships and groups in the history of the music business disbands after nearly a decade together.

New York --- After nearly a decade together, Creed has decided to disband. During their 8 years and 3 albums together (My Own Prison, Human Clay, Weathered) Creed achieved countless Rock & Roll milestones and sold over 30 million albums worldwide. With their unprecedented success at radio and their captivating live shows, Creed became one of the most successful acts to rule the charts over the past ten years.

Creed songwriter/ guitarist Mark Tremonti has decided to join forces with Creed drummer Scott Phillips, original Creed bassist Brian Marshall and former Mayfield Four singer/ songwriter Myles Kennedy. The new band, named Alter Bridge, will release their debut album on Wind-up Records on August 10th of this year. Expect a promotional acoustic tour of radio stations later this Summer, followed by a worldwide tour to begin in late August or early September.

Creed songwriter/singer Scott Stapp has been busy in the studio writing and recording over the past several months. His first post-Creed recording will be featured on an album coming on August 31st via Wind-up Records that will pool together superstar talent, as they individually offer compositions inspired by the film The Passion of the Christ. Simultaneously to tracking his contributions to the Passion title, Stapp will continue to work with producer 7 Aurelius, and has joined forces with Canadian rockers The Tea Party to work on his solo debut.

On the dissolution of Creed, Tremonti commented, "It's kind of sad to end a chapter of your life, but it's also exciting to be starting a new one. We'll always be proud of the music we made with Creed, but Alter Bridge gives me the opportunity to start over with a different perspective and a more evolved direction. This band begins and ends with the love of the music." Phillips continues, "Creed was definitely a once-in-a-lifetime experience, but I'm really excited to be starting over as well. The most significant things that we are taking from the Creed experience are the lessons that we learned. We truly believe that the decisions we've made for our future are the right ones. After writing and rehearsing the new material, we are confident that we've made the right choices."

Stapp shared, "Creed was one of the most amazing journeys through music and friendship I am blessed to say I was a part of. I made memories I can never replace! I just want to thank the fans who supported us and became a part of the Creed experience. We could not have accomplished anything without you!(fans)."

Also in 2004, Wind-up Records will be releasing a Creed Greatest Hits compilation. Details will be made available as plans for the album take shape.

rockin' the hills?

2004-06-03T22:48:00.000+03:00

borrrrring...special guests on the new thrills album. wow, that's great, but it still gonna suck major ass.

i got a scorching bad case of LIBS simplex II. the libertines do a 180, end up supporting fascism/racism by dropping of the 'love music hate racism' festival this weekend in the uk. harry potter likes em. who cares what celebs like them, they blow. bunch of ephing...drop-outs.

great, bono drags chris martin into his african aid cause (not bt to be confused w/ the african aids cause), along w/ other b-listers such as jude law, helen mirren, colin firth, joseph fiennes & minnie driver. they signed an open letter to tony blair urging more economical support of africa/other 3rd world nations. i'm not making fun, i think it's great. it's good to see that martin has temporarily gone away from his lame & obscure 'maketradefairforpotatofarmers.com'campaign to something a little more major league.

while on billboard, i saw this article. i thought this would be a more fitting title: new crappy bands play the hills w/ old washed-up crappy bands. nickelback, 3 doors down, puddle of mudd, plus warrant, great white, tesla, styx, dokken, jackyl (i love songs featuring chainsaws!) & live (wtf?!) will all (plus others!) play the event. i don't condone terroism, glorification of the unnatural loss of human life, etc, but IFFFF a large public event was ever the target of such attacks, this would be my pick. like if it was one of those situations where you had to pick one of two events that had to get bombed, or both events would get bombed if you didn't chose one. like if someone asked 'the staples center for a lakers game or the 'rockin' the hills' concert?'. no brainer, this concert every time. okay then...

sum41...worst. now a choice between a sum41 show & a 'rocking the hills' concert? flip a coin.

i'd throw some blog linkage buzz here but i haven't really read much today.

a movie even YOU will hate

2004-06-03T19:07:00.000+03:00

this has been a bad week at work so far. i've had to focus on my job alot more than usual, working long hours etc. that's why posts have been poor & sporadic this week.

damore, why review a movie you said was the worst you've ever seen? cos i'm fresh out of any good ideas (like always) & this is too easy. not to mention that hopefully at least a couple folks will be inspired by it to not see it out of spite. if i miss some details it's because i a) fell asleep no less than 4 times or b) the movie makes no logical sense & i screwed up the interpretation.

the day after tomorrow
even a hangover on a rainy chicago day couldn't make this movie the least bit tolerable. i see about 8 movies per year in the theatre, & this is no kill bill. it starts off in Antarctica, where dennis quaid & 2 of his scientist cronies are collecting some data or something. a giant faultline cracks the ice causing a giant rift that's ~10 feet wide to start. at 45 yrs old, dennis quaid somehow manages to jump across it, in full arctic gear mind you, to save the precious boring data they no doubt spent laborious months collecting. he grabs 3 tubes of data & the rift then becomes 20 feet, stretching now miles wide & thousands of feet deep. wielding the data tubes, he takes 2 steps (in snow shoes) & takes a huge leap & BARELY makes it across. his trusty ice hammer saves his life as he's about to plunge to his bloody death. this would be where a logical movie ends, but alas his friends pull him up to safety.

somehow later that day he's in DC & reporting his findings. he's a world renowned environmentalogist (i think i just made up that word), & he reports that a major change in the world's weather will start in 6-8 months. the vice president is there, & he's pretty much dick cheney to a tee. he scoffs at quaid & say's he's full of it, & does nothing, blah blah blah. hours later in tokyo, a giant ice storm starts. like 10 pound chunks of ice, smashing cars & skulls effortlessly. so it's starting now, not 6-8 months from now. i can't remember the next parts so well, but i think it's character development where we learn that he's divorced workaholic, has a teenage son named donnie darko, & he's a bad father w/ good intentions who was never there for the fam. donnie goes to nyc for a 'mathletes'type trip, which he joined for a cute girl.

some parts i found hysterical:
-giant tornados in the LA. news reporters standing on the street 50 feet from giant cyclones, destroying the capital records HQ, the hollywood sign, etc. alot of people died & all i could do was laugh alot. the city pretty much gets completely leveled, foreshadowing what the stones will do to the lakers in the nba finals.

-a giant ice storm starts in europe which covers the entire continent. there's 15 feet of snow pouring down on every EU country.

-while all of this is happening across the globe, the us government has dennis quaid, his 2 cronies, & a woman who works at nasa working on the problem. seriously, 4 ephing people! not even sporting interns, temps, or international resources. 3 scotsmen isolated somewhere have all of this ocean data to crunch, but no resources to do it. solution? email 50gig files of data across the atlantic to quaid & his crew. done & done. all the data is thrown into quaid's computer model, & bam!, 4 hours later they know what events will happen next. the next ice age.

-nyc gets flooded w/ rain, a giant tsunami hits, & there's 800 feet of water covering the city. luckily, donnie & co go to the safest place, the nyc public library, duhvs. moments before, darko's gf runs out to a taxi to help save a mother & her child get to safety. upon hearing that they left their passports in the cab, she runs out to certain death & cuts her leg badly in the process. risking your own life to saves other lives=noble. risking one's life to save passports=dumbest thing ever. darko narrowly rescues her & as they get inside, the building is completely flooded, & they manage to escape. suddenly it's snowing & very cold.

-it starts snow storming, the water freezes, & all the people want to leave & walk out of the city to go down south. darko remembers what his dad told him just hours ago, & tries to convince everyone that if they leave, they will freeze to death since it will soon be -150 deg f. they laugh, & later they all die. lesson: don't eph w/ quaid the scientist.

-dennis quaid promises to get from dc to nyc in 1 day to save darko & co. there's 10 feet of snow on the ground. no roads, no visibility. so they take a dodge ram pick-up w/ a snow plow. i'm mr plow, that's my name. that name again is mr plow. somehow they get to phily alive in 2.5 hours, crash into a bank, & then quaid says, 'get out, it's time to throw on the snow shoes, we're walking. it's 40 miles to nyc. if we don't get there by tomorrow donnie darko dies. i made a promise to my son'.i couldn't walk 40 miles in 2 days in the summer. these guys are going to make it in 0 deg weather, wearing snow shoes, carrying 100 lbs of gear, etc in 1 freaking day?

-along the way, they fall through the glass topping of a mall. they cut lose the sled full of gear, & 1 of the cronies cuts himself lose & dies to save his friends. how did they end up on top of a mall at least 300 feet high? did it snow that much in a day?

-10 people stay at the nyc library, they bunker up on the top floor, raid the vending machines & the lost & found (for clothes), & burn books stay warm. annoying banter ensues about which books should/shouldn't be burned. the girl gets really sick & a librarian pulls a rabbit from the hat by figuring out that her symptoms mean that she has an infected cut on her leg. 'see...books are good for some things'. she needs penicillin/antibiotics to save her. darko & co board the mysterious freighter that is now docked in front of the library to find some. some CG wolves that escaped from the zoo somehow end-up on board the freighter, after smelling food (darko & co) on board. seemed kind of like the doberman sequence in resident evil, even that the wolves jumped through the cage at the zoo. worst. the kids escape, & it's about to become -150 deg f outside. they literally out-run the freezing air & freezing building. just as the freezing process hits upstairs, they close the door, it freezes, but the warmth from the blazing book burning session stops the air from freezing.

-they make it to nyc, quaid says, 'where's the library?'. crony #2 looks at his gps & says, 'we're on top of it right now. i don't think we made it in time'. they walk 4 steps, & suddenly the library is revealed.

-they walk into the room where the kids are, & it looks like they're dead. nope, just sleeping. the pres sends rescue choppers from mexico to save them. the us highjacks mexico's land AGAIN. the end. so thought provoking. there was a great quote in the trib this past weekend (written by mark caro) where he wrote, 'environmentalists trying to rally support for environmental causes/reform using 'let's clear the air: environmentalists latching onto 'the day after tomorrow' to generate thoughtful discussion about global warming is akin to animal-rights activists rallying around 'scooby-doo' or free-trade advocates using 'star wars: episode I-the phantom menace' as a teaching tool. 'the day after tomorrow' is a dumb, dumb movie'. perfect analogy. the water/freezing CG fx in this movie were pretty much exactly the same as the fire/explosion CG fx in independence day. how original.

worst movie ever. sorry this is so lengthy, but it's really that bad.

holy cow!

2004-06-02T20:32:00.000+03:00

deeeee-troit bassssket-ball! deeeee-troit bassssket-ball! deeeee-troit bassssket-ball! pistons avoid a no-win game 7 scenario in indy by pulling out a dub against the AMC Pacers at the palace. the first half was ugly. when i tuned in the stones were down like 13-4. w/ like less than 4 in the half it was like 27-24. the first half was a total 1978 auburn hills michigan brick-alley abortion clinic. i'd say the 2nd half was a big improvement, but it really wasn't. it was plain & simple: blue-collar basketball. the stones don't just ride out a game on the leather arses like some west-coast teams...they grind it out. the best part about the entire game last night was seeing my favorite detroit douchebags in attendance douching it up. i'm talking kid rock & chris cheliblos sitting next to eachother (also next to chris 'please call me drapes' draper). durst. they had like 20 beers lined-up in front of them. i can't think of a bigger collection of d-bags i'd want to hang out w/ less. maybe carrot-top, durst, & oj simpson. kid rock on the court trying to get the crowd 'arroused' was hilarious. he might be the most white-bread-trust-fund-baby piece of white trash ever. walmarts.

too bad the stones didn't face the celts & vin baker in the 1st round. we could've defeated a lazy drunken thief first (if he played at all). then the pistons would've taken out jason wife-beating & kidd out, then next up they'd take out the trash & defeat the kobe-the-date-rapist. & remember, he's not innocent until proven guilty per se, he's only PRESUMED innocent, until proven guilty. big difference. stones will bovs over those fake ephing tees in 7. duhvs.

speaking of durst, enjoy this pic. worst. (via the grizz)

congrats out to megan at the employee comedy corner of the world. yesterday she graced us all w/ her 100th post. cheers megan, that's good stuff. if i were still in chicago, i would've totally bought you a 'party cake' & fedex'ed it to you. i saw hundreds of 'party cake shops' there this past weekend. chi-town, what's the story w/ that? yesterday i also happened to celebrate my 100th post on retrobuzz.

it's good to be back on a stable diet of phc this week. ah, that's the stuff. thank you whatevs.

mckean's gotta go!

2004-06-01T20:45:00.000+03:00

what a crazy weekend. no posts friday or monday. too much partying. hopefully you did some yourselves.

thursday- went to the sea ray/metric/stills show in the d. met up pre-show w/ grambo at jacoby's for a couple beers. there were alot of teens lined-up early at 6:45pm when i walked by during sound check. at the venue, a few more drafts were consumed quickly, sea ray started their set at ~8pm. for the first of three opening bands, there was surprisingly a pretty large crowd there watching them. we met up w/ nummer/gp jen, & later h-bomb & her sis, & eric. grambo took alot of pics, none of which i have yet to post. they played fan favorites like sister gone, quiver, revelry, & even a new song (that i can't remember the title of--too much booze). they built up some good crowd momentum during their set, but w/ only 30min to work with, the audience is always left wanting more. hopefully their next time around they'll get a longer set.

next up was metric. emily haines was best. she was running around on stage, really getting the crowd into it. what a rock star. makes mick jagger look like mick jagg-off when it comes to rockstardom. post show i was able chat w/ her for awhile & even got a pic w/ her (which nummer ruined by jumping in on!), & getting her autograph on a metric poster. she wrote, 'for damore, love & respect-emily haines---xoxo'. she even sharpied a rectangular box around my name for dramatic effect. mmmmBEST!

being my 7th time seeing the stills (3 as an opener, 3 as headliner, 1 at coachella), i spent most of their set talking to sea ray, who were really gracious as always. mental note, next time, eat dinner before going out & drinking alot. stay away from 22's of rolling rock as well!

the good folks in sea ray were nice enough to hook me & dirty mckean up w/ guest list buzz for the friday show in chicago at the metro. after a $30 cab ride, i didn't get to dirty's until 8pm. we quickly had a beer, grabbed a bite to eat plus drinks, cabbed over to the metro w/ little time to spare. i felt bad calling jeff literally 5min before their set, as i didn't see his email from earlier about which guest list i'd be on. security was shutting us out. note to self, check email more often.

rather than re-hash the same show over, i'll re-cap. sea ray was solid, & they got into town late too. solid crowd there for them again. i heard alot of people saying after sea ray/metric that they were there for the stills, but they ended up liking sea ray/metric more. i split downstairs to buy a sea ray tee half way through the stills set. talked to ann brewster & got backstage to say hey/thanks to the rest of the band. ended up hanging out there & got dirty backstage too. beer was reportedly running low, so dirty stole a red stripe from the stills room. best! it really didn't matter since everyone back there got kicked out to the downstairs club anyway soon thereafter. i talked to emily haines again briefly in the bar. about an hour into being there, dirty got booted out by security. they said 'mckean's gotta go!'. all dirty could do was text grumbo w/ 'dirty is lost--send damore pics from last night's show'. grambo replied w/ 'grumbo is drunk'. i went outside to try & get dirty back in, but security got on the radio then said to me, 'you're okay, but not the guy in the white shirt (dirty)'. no explanation. all we could think of was mistaken identity.

'tuesday'
the worst part of the weekend was the lousy weather in chi-town. it was so bad that it rained pretty much the entire time, or was cloudy & cold. didn't leave much to do outside, since i'm not a big fan of 'shopping', other than for music. saturday afternoon was spent taking in a screening of 'mean girls'. if it made me forget for 2 hours that i was hungover, it would be a good movie in my mind. it did that & much more. it was the funniest movie i've seen since dumb & dumber in the movie theater. that says alot since that is pretty much my favorite movie ever. i would go see it again in a heartbeat & it's definitely a instant dvd purchase. duhvs. sunday was even crappier weather.
dirty- 'what do you want to do today?'
damore- 'i don't know, the weather blows'
dirty- 'go get drunk?'
damore- 'no, i've gotten drunk the past 3 nights. maybe see a shitty movie?'
dirty- 'i've already seen everything but the day after tomorrow'
damore- 'ok. worst'

so we went anyway, figuring it couldn't possibly be any worse than independence day, & being hungover, the special effects should makeup for the terrible storytelling & plot holes. nothing could've been further from the truth. THIS was the funniest movie i have EVER seen. WORST MOVIE EVER! when i wasn't sleeping (4 times!!), i laughed at every line in the movie, all the dramatic scenes, the laughable scenarios, etc. anyway, it's so terrible i'm going to do a review of it to post the day after yesterday.

chi-town was best despite the weather. cheers to sea ray/metric/dirty for the good times. mmmmBEST!

i'll post some graphics w/ this post later, sorry.
damore's gotta go!

have a nice day

2004-05-27T22:28:00.000+03:00

what a day so far. this morning was one of the worst in recent memory, where i wasn't even hungoves.

1st things 1st, if you haven't checked it out yet, damore haters will love the post kegzies made yesterday on glamorama. my first full-blown hate-post on the web (to my knowledge). damore loves hate mail or the like, almost as much as damore loves talking/writing in the 3rd person all the time. duhvs.

this is all i've got for you today other than my homer jay simpson rip-off from the 'shinning'.

-mmmmBEST! peabs returns to blogville even w/ mono, the franz ferdinand/cat scratch fevers, & the white stripes std. some say best post ever, but don't ask me yet, cos i can't read it at work anymore. so much nsfw buzz. judge for yourself. god bless the peabs for battling all of those ailments to bring some sunshine into all of our lives today.

-libertines- their future is cast in doubt for the 100th time this week when pete either checked-in or checked-out of a rehab center or something, i can't keep track anymore---that's what nme is for. seriously, who goes onto chat rooms on sites called babyshambles.com? must be ephed up. personally, i think it's an all b.s. story. the world isn't that lucky for them to disband, & the devil hates me!

for those oc fans out there, check out chromewaves today for fresh buzz on adam brody potentially playing jimmy olsen in a new superman project. my sources say he's even voluntarily checked himself to a hollywood rehab center to kick that nasty coke monkey off his back, once & for all. speaking of the oc, i heard some hollywood insider rumors about ben mackenzie when i was in cali last month. after seeing him on the conan obrien show earlier this week, i think it's fairly duhvs. conan asked him why all of the girls in the oc cast always are trying to set him up or introduce him to girls at parties, etc. his response was, something like 'yeah, i don't know how to talk to girls, i don't know what to say to them, blah blah blah'. he went on & on for like a couple minutes about it. a young hollywood star should be getting more girls than a pussbag quarterback on a hit reality courting tv show on abc. bovs.

that is all. i'll try to post a review tomorrow of tonight's sea ray/metric show. if you're going, stop by jacoby's before & buy me a drink. if no time to post tomorrow, maybe a review of friday's show at the metro in chi-town. so much dirty mckean buzz.

i'm working on a novel

2004-05-27T19:41:00.000+03:00

NO PEABS AND NO WHATEVS MAKES DAMORE GO SOMETHING-SOMETHING.
NO PEABS AND NO WHATEVS MAKES DAMORE GO SOMETHING-SOMETHING.
NO PEABS AND NO WHATEVS MAKES DAMORE GO SOMETHING-SOMETHING.
NO PEABS AND NO WHATEVS MAKES DAMORE GO SOMETHING-SOMETHING.
NO PEABS AND NO WHATEVS MAKES DAMORE GO SOMETHING-SOMETHING.
NO PEABS AND NO WHATEVS MAKES DAMORE GO SOMETHING-SOMETHING.
NO PEABS AND NO WHATEVS MAKES DAMORE GO SOMETHING-SOMETHING.
NO PEABS AND NO WHATEVS MAKES DAMORE GO SOMETHING-SOMETHING.
NO PEABS AND NO WHATEVS MAKES DAMORE GO SOMETHING-SOMETHING.
NO PEABS AND NO WHATEVS MAKES DAMORE GO SOMETHING-SOMETHING.
NO PEABS AND NO WHATEVS MAKES DAMORE GO SOMETHING-SOMETHING.
NO PEABS AND NO WHATEVS MAKES DAMORE GO SOMETHING-SOMETHING.
NO PEABS AND NO WHATEVS MAKES DAMORE GO SOMETHING-SOMETHING.

Sea Ray...Revealed!

2004-05-27T04:02:00.000+03:00

i recently chatted w/ sea ray's keyboardist jeff sheinkopf to discuss their current tour, the state of the band, & future plans. unlike other ficticious posts i've made, this one is actually real. their tour w/ metric & the stills hits detroit thurs 5/27 at st andrews, then chicago on fri 5/28 at the metro. if you haven't caught any of these bands before, i highly recommend. i know i've been writing about this alot lately but it's w/ good reason. seldomly does a tour w/ this good of a bill hit a town near you, where tix are inexpensive too.

Damore- 3 weeks ago, Stars At Noon's 'Revelry' was featured on the WB's teen drama show 'One Tree Hill'. Being on a smaller label, how did that opportunity present itself, & have you seen any effect on the age demographic at your latest shows as a result?

Jeff- It's funny, we've heard a lot of comments from people at shows about hearing the music in the background while their moms watched the show...so we're actually waiting a few months until the moms of America start to show up en masse at our shows. I'm imagining some sort of elaborate carpool system at some point. We got a call one day from the music supervisor at the show who wanted to use the music, and
it's hard to turn down an opportunity that will so quickly get the music into the ears of millions of kids (& moms).

Damore- Maybe I should be embarassed to watch that show. So many soccer moms indeed. After 7 years, why do think it's taken people so long to finally catch on to Sea Ray? Do you feel that the nyc/detroit garage/retro rock buzz overshadowed you a bit? W/ that fad fading out now, do you feel you're finally getting some long over-due exposure?

Jeff- We've never really been too caught up in whatever buzz is going on in the music world, though we're obviously aware of what's happening around us. Unfortunately, fads like those do tend to overshadow a lot of great music -- particularly for the fans who aren't willing to do the work of exploring on their own. We're also a different band now than when we started, so it makes sense that it's taken a long time for folks to catch-on to what we're doing. People are getting it now, though, & that makes us happy.

Damore- Your current tour w/ Metric/The Stills is your 2nd major national tour this year, the 1st being supporting The Church. Last year The Stills broke through by opening for Interpol, Echo & The Bunnymen, Ryan Adams, & are now headlining their own national tour. Do you see the same progression happening currently for Sea Ray?

Jeff- It's a pretty typical pattern for bands to follow--build up a fan base across the country by playing to full houses & hopefully win those crowds over. That's definitely the idea we have as to why we keep going out as a support band. Our day will come.

Damore- Since Sea Ray's 1997 self-titled debut, you've been added to line-up on keyboards, Anne Brewster has been added on cello, & Colin Brooks took over on drums. As a result, your sound has really filled out (in a good way). How did the 3 of you come to join the band & are you all happy w/ your special brand of atmospheric brand of symph pop space rock?

Jeff- We all had mutual friends in New York, & the band was looking for a couple new people a few years ago. I wanted to be the drummer, but Mr. Brooks showed up at the same time, & if I had to compare our drumming abilities to trucks, I'd be a Tonka and he'd be a Mack. Luckily I found the Rhodes & it all fell into place. We're all thrilled w/ how it's all going.

Damore- There was a dramatic sound change from your 1st to 2nd album, what's the current vision for your next album? I know 'Stars' was released only last October, but are you working on new material or mainly concentrating on touring/promoting 'Stars' now?

Jeff- The band is actually fairly evenly divided between those who want to keep touring & those who want to hole up in the studio to work on the new record. We're playing several new songs in our set these days, & have a few more ready to go. The problem is that we're all pretty insane about the writing process, & tend to spend way too long working on them after they're already "finished".

Hopefully it won't take as long to get the next album out, but that all depends on what ends up happening on the label front. To me, at least, there's sometimes a drastic change in the sound from one song to the next, so of course, there's going to be a pretty big change from this album to the next.

damore- What does the band do while on tour to avoid boredom? I know you & greg are FOW's (friends of whatevs) & frequent whatevsdotorg. Do you find yourselves on the internet at hotels checking for the latest piping hot content during down-time?

Jeff- Here's the part where I should make up some good stories to make us sound cooler than we are. The truth is that we're mostly big nerds who either read or listen to music. Luckily we lost our travel Scrabble game that we had several tours back, so we can't claim to play that. Indeed, some of us are online all the time, even in the van. It's a welcome distraction from the highways and truck stops across this land.

I'm not sure anything really helps avoid boredom, though. One good aid is VH1 Classics whenever we have the chance. It's like a pacifier for the band. We just shut up and smile.

Damore- Your live shows incorporate a video projection backdrop on stage. As part of the crowd, it feels like the senses are over-taken by the music, the light show, & the video components. VERY FEW bands are able to pull that off so well, (the Flaming Lips come to mind), yet you guys make it look pretty easy. What was the thinking behind that & when did you add the film/video aspect, & who selects the footage to play?

Jeff- Our good friend Brandon Derman is the mastermind. The project started out with Brandon and a few other Brooklyn-based videographers each working on different songs--shooting the footage & editing it down
into mini-movies for each tune--but it's really turned into just Brandon. We've never told him what to do in that regard. He sees our songs in his camera and we respect what he does. & because he tours w/ us, he actually mixes the video live while we play, & I think that's a big reason as to why it works so well. We don't just start a tape when we get on stage and hope it fits with the music.

Damore- What bands/music are you currently listening to out while out on the road?

Jeff-I'm listening to a mix that has a bunch of Mogwai tunes, some new Squarepusher, Ratatat, an English band called Magnet, Cat Power, Dead Meadow, & friends of mine from Brookyln called The Double. There's always a lot of classic britpop stuff in there, too. I just took off
my headphones to hear what's on the van stereo & Anne is pumping some OMD. Other popular stuff in the van is Neil Young, Love, The Beach Boys & the like.

Damore- Other than your home-base of NYC, what cities have been your favorite (you definitely don't have to say Detroit) to play/visit? Where have you received the best & most surprising crowd responses?

Jeff- It's a cliche, but people really are extra nice in the south. We feel right at home in Charlotte, NC, for example. Some of the best response has come in Denver, Seattle, Cincinnati, & even Traverse City, MI.

Damore- I don't think i've met a nicer/more down-to-earth band than Sea Ray (obvs-why else would you be doing an interview w/ a D-list blog). The six of you appear to be pretty tight, no?

Jeff- For the most part, we're a tight & happy family. Of course, w/ that comes the occasional argument. But I'm surprised at how well we all get along, actually. I think it has something to do with the fact that we're not all vying for the spotlight, & that we actually have a lot of respect for each other - personally & professionally. It's only natural for us to have that same respect for the fans who have invested time & money into something we're so passionate about. It's hard to properly express how much we appreciate that.

Damore- What's been the weirdest/craziest thing you've seen while out on this tour?

Jeff- I watched a kid approach Anne just last night after our show in Cleveland. He told her he was so moved by the performance that he just had to give her his belt, & he proceeded to hand it right over. That was a little bizarre. We tend to stay out of trouble.

Damore- That ranks pretty high on the creepy scale, even for Cleveland. At a recent show, Colin had a a 103 degree temp & was very sick, yet you managed to go out & put on a flawless show.

Jeff- We all have bad nights, but that can't stop us from putting on the best show possible. Anything else would be unfair to everyone involved. And for the record, Colin w/ a 103 fever is still a better drummer than anyone else I know.

Damore- Sea Ray receives heavy 'word-of-mouth buzz' on blogs such as the real janelle, information leafblower, whatevs, chromewaves, etc etc etc. are these friends of yours', or simply fans connecting to the band both musically & personally, doing whatever they can to promote?

Jeff- We're all friends now. They all took it on themselves to promote the band on their sites, & we're grateful that they have. I keep in touch with a bunch of bloggers, and it's great when people come out to see us when we're in town. We're part of the first generation of bands who are meeting fans at shows that tell us about the blog where they discovered us.

Sea Ray is thinking of starting our own blog and we're
just going to hype the other bloggers.

Damore- What are the band's plans once the current Stills/Metric tour wraps up in July? Do you see a Coachella performance in the cards for next year?

Jeff- Even though it's just a month away, it's pretty tough to predict July plans...We may very well be back on the road at some point, though most likely we'll be home working on new stuff until we get the call to head back out. And hell yeah, I hope we make it out to Indio next year.

Damore- Jeff, thanks for your time. I really appreciate it. Cheers!

damore's no buzz 5/26/04

2004-05-26T23:04:00.000+03:00

5) whatevs.org- a victim of his own success. zero bandwidth=zero buzz. it's your long over-due vacation from blogging. maybe you'll get promoted to a VP level during the down-time?

4) tony little- i saw a few tv spots for hooters featuring fitness 'guru' tony little. not much would be worse than walking into a hooters & having tony little badger you to enter a contest to win a 'gazelle' fitness glider. duhvs they're cross-marketing the gazelle & hooters, cos so many dudes go to hooters to see tony little cardboard cut-outs, & to see the gazelle glider in person. lord knows there aren't already at least 5 gazelle infomercials playing all day every day. whomever is responsible for choosing this guy should be killed, or at the very least get fired.

3) mountain dew- i love mountain dew, but to stay on the wtf?! advertising theme, i have to say that having steven seagal as your big celeb product pusher in a tv advertising campaign in 2004 ain't so bright. i've seen the commercials a few times where seagal is in a convenience store & beats up everyone in the store. maybe 12 years ago, when he wasn't making straight to vhs movies w/ washed-up playmates & terrible rappers. even still it's a stretch. was jean claude already booked-up? did stallone want too much $ since those wildly successful rocky/lipton iced tea ads?

2) pepsi fridge-mate- pepsi, 3 months behind coke, finally launched it's version of the 'fridge pack' (a fridge-space-conscious 12 pack design). unfortunately, every single one i've purchased thus far has been more shoddy than guatemalan-made cars. they all break when you try to open them properly, & 12 cans no doubt hit the deck every time. worst. buzz cola you are not.

1) 'the chronicles of riddick'-the highly anticipated follow-up to 'pitch black'? that movie was durst lumber. some say worse than 'XXX'. vin diesel is probably the worst acting big name star since keanu. good luck this summer, it's the abortion time of the year at dollar theatres nationwide, & you're the equivalent of scooby-doo 2. see you on the shelves at blockbuster in august.

the gorilla's no buzz list 5/26/04

2004-05-26T19:36:00.000+03:00

so brilliant i gave it it's own posting. eph everybody else out there, the gorilla was the ONLY one to respond. time to cry myself to sleep again.

1)Chryssa Koveliotou, Robert C Duncan and Christopher’s Feb 2003 article, Magnetars, in Scientific American. I mean seriously, who doesn’t already know that some stars are magnetized so intensely that they emit huge burst of magnetic energy, potentially altering the very nature of the quantum vacuum? WELL DER! The whole thing about their core’s consisting of a quantum soup of quarks and neutrons was all but lifted word for word from the work J. Von Paradijs did with Kouveliotou in the well know A X-ray Pulsar with a Superstrong Magenetic Field in the Soft Gamma-Ray Repeater SGR1806-20, published in Nature WAY BACK IN 1998!!!! No buzz indeed.

2) Chicks that seem slutty but are really just teases. PUT OUT OR GET OUT! NO BUZZ!

3) Don Rumsfeld- claiming in his sworn testimony before congress that Major General Geoffrey Miller’s trip to Iraq in August of 2003 had nothing to do with the subsequent institutionalization of prisoner abuse in Abu Ghraib. MY SKINNY WHITE ASS! Everybody knows Major General Miller was the in charge of deconstructing the Geneva convention while commander of the detention and interrogation center at Guantanamo. EVERYBODY. I mean seriously, the second he got off the plane back in August every hidden intelligence community chat room filled with policy wonks, ex-CIA and experts from Jane’s Defense Weekly all the way to DEBKAfile were like:
SPYGUY: General Miller just got to Iraq!
CIA_MOLE_42: HOLY SHIITE!
Gook_Killer1968: there’s gonna be some homo-erotic torture up in this piece now biznitches!
SPYGUY: lol. Damn straight.
CIA_MOLE_42: HEY DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO FIX A STUCK CAP LOCK KEY?

Don’t try to pull that bull with us DON, NOBUZZFELD!

4) Dudes who save up all their monster dumps for the shared bathroom at work and just smell the effer up all day. NO BUZZ HEAVY SHITTTERS!

5) Kitties. I mean seriously. I just don’t get em’.

well well well

2004-05-26T03:18:00.000+03:00

proving that nme isn't ALWAYS just a bunch of good for nothing douchebags, they reveal that the new new order album will be a throwback to their dance music, or technique if you will. that is unless this story is all bs...then i say curse you nme! anyway, i say mmmmBEST! i absopurely loved 2001's 'get ready', just make sure to get a restraining order filed against billy corgan w/ at least a ban of a 5km radius. i fell in love w/ technique instantly, just as i did w/ power,corruption&lies, substance, low-life, get ready,etc. the opposite of what happened when they released 'republic' in '93. i love the opening track, 'regret', but nothing else. let's hope their new stuff isn't 'republic too'. duhvs.

i received an anonymous phone tip yesterday that at 5pm, an announcement would be made that courtney hole was going to be playing a show on july 6th at clutch durstos. tix go on-sale at 10am today. if you're anything like me, you're 6 years removed from caring about miss hole. celebrity skin, one of the best albums in '98, not to mention a great summer album. since then, her erratic druggie-whore persona has worn thinner than lara flynn boyle. the only reason to hit this show is to see what wild & crazy stunt c-love is gonna pull. a fight on stage w/ a bandmate, a fight in the crowd w/ a fan, duhvs she will flash the crowd w/ her wrinkly, leathery skin, only sick f*cks would want to see that for the hundredth time. & clutch cargos, worst venue ever. shmears.

dude, no way! i'm freaking out man! pass the nitrous. wait, who is breaking up? in news that will finally send legions of followers to bathe once again after a 10 year protest, phish inspires their fans once again, by announcing that after their summer tour, they will be hitting the showers. who will their fans follow now for 4/12 months a year smelling poorly & taking drugs to? flaming lips? maybe. string cheese incident? probably. dude, you're on deck, get ready for day2 lollapalooza. load up the petuli oil & the shrooms. oh man, gotta go, i got the munchies.
(news via nummer, no offense intended)

more no-buzz buzz later.

the world is my ash tray

2004-05-25T19:24:00.000+03:00

don't forget, tomorrow is the deadline for reader submissions for this week's no buzz list. pick a topic, write why you think it has no buzz, & email it to me at retrobuzz1977@yahoo.com. if response is poor, i'll probably just write one for you under your name.

contraband--best album ever, worst cover art ever. i was expecting some skulls, snakes, blood, cross-bones...you know, something death related, or maybe a trashy album cover. oh well. june 8th can't get here soon enough. i finally saw the video for 'slither' last night. holy shitballs, it's weird. some say just barely better than franz ferdinand's album cover.
(via the grizz)

while on the topic, i think the latest post on whatevs is pretty good-very funny, etc. i found it ironic that uncle grambo blasts the morons who created the lame term 'divizzle' for snoop dogg's divorce. there's alot of crap thrown-out by fow's (myself included)...mizz, smizz, bizz, stizz, tigs all come to mind. now if you're peabs, you can go around pretending you invented all these 'izz' words, or just admit that you ripped off snoop &they should have been franzia'd pre-fetus all along. hmmmmm...i wonder if that paragraph from kate lee (via radosh) is real, or if grambo is starting to doctor up his own emails? either way, it's buzz.

speaking of worst, here's my favorite franz tee.

the libertines have finished their new album, whatever it's called. btw, do the writers at pitchfork try to write like complete a-holes? cos they're so good at it. i'm beyond jealous. a record as terrible as this only comes along once in a generation—okay, maybe once or twice a year. though i'm sure i'll be praising it as the greatest album of '04 in six months. i was so relieved a year & a half ago when i bought 'up the bracket'. i thought i was going to be wasting money on a piece of shite over-hyped abortion of an album & listen to it only once. i gave it a few good listens before banishing it along w/ beck's sea change. it now serves as my warning to not buy music praised-to-fuckdom on blogs. even when the band's decent, it's such a let down. like you're expecting the dom, but you get mums, or worse, cooks champagne. if i hate up the bracket why the eph would like their new one?!

people ask me all the time: 'damore, why are you such an a-hole on your site?', 'why do you rip on franz ferdinand all the time?', libertines, strokes, etc. this is the only response i have: i don't like alot of stuff, but that alone isn't enough to make me go on writing day-after-day about the same topics. what i'm really trying to do is bring some balance to the world, & maybe show that it's okay not to like something everyone is raving about. maybe next time they see something that is wrong or that they don't agree with, maybe they'll speak up. simple promotion of independent thought & free speech. how noble of me.

worst post ever.

handjobs for the holidays

2004-05-24T22:11:00.000+03:00

mmmmworst. kelly osbourne cast in abc's dramabortion 'life as we know it', which will air for 2 weeks at 9pm thursdays on abc, before getting cancelled. between pink & kelly o, i'm not sure who's grosser. going up against tru calling in the same timeslot? no contest. duhvs. go back to rehab & die! speaking of worst, i saw the 2nd charlie's angels movie on cable & nearly threw up during pink's cameo at the dirt bike race. her stomach freaks me out.

how about calling it the 'yeah you're always, up to no good tour'? phantom planet contemplates suicide, will join hoobastank on tour this summer. i've been harshing on phantom planet since schwartzman bailed & since their most recent album came out in january. i'm thinking of buying the album, & potentially see them in concert. i can't get that song out of my dome. seriously.

went to the sloan show at st andrews last night. so many cannucks were there at the sold-out show, the d being a border-town & all. sloan sounded great, had a good time on stage, & the crowd went bananaz. a girl close to the stage passed-out at ~half-time & the band stopped & called for security/assistance. the girl was fine & as she was being carried out, jay ferguson said 'that girl was cute...why couldn't that have happened to some guy instead?'. they did a great job of mixing the set-up pretty well, playing power pop rock from most of their albums. sloan...quite possible the best export from canada since labatt blue light. they finished up their mini-us tour in june, then hit the road in july opening for jet.

speaking a good canadian bands, this week also features 2 shows w/ montreal's the stills & toronto's metric. they'll be stopping by the d thurs 5/27 for a show at st andrews & then fri 5/28 in checkago at the metro. tix are still available. the complete bill is top notch: sea ray/metric/the stills. sea ray & metric alone are worth the price of admission 2x.

canadian indie rock band broken social scene has also been added to the lollapalooza line-up this summer. hopefully the lovely emily haines from metric will be there too. i never heard anything by them (broken social scene) until going to coachella. since then i picked-up 'bee hives' & have been giving it heavy rotation on my ipod (in my mind). maybe they read peabs' blog too? a new song's working title is 'handjobs for the holidays'.

too much canadian speak for me.

grosse pointe city cops...they ain't too smart!

2004-05-23T21:37:00.000+03:00

saturday i was driving home from the 'dirty kroger' grocery store in gp, & an erratic cop car did a wild u-turn & was about to plow through a red light at my street's intersection, as i approached the light. i thought he was maybe responding to an emergency & needed to blow throught the red light. i had the greenlight, but stopped cautiously & waved him to proceed. i was smoking a cigarette & threw the butt out the window. he waved me on & in my rear view i see him do a 180 turn on his lights/siren & floors it to catch up to me. i live about 12 houses from the corner so it was ~400 feet or so. i pulled into my driveway having no ephing clue why i was getting pulled-over.

maybe i was too polite at a traffic light? my car fit the description of a stolen car reported? nope. this douchebag cop pulls into my driveway, leaves the lights on, walks up to the car & asks me 'do you know why i pulled you over?'. i said, 'hi officer, how are you today? no, i have no idea.' he said, 'do you know what the fine for littering is? did you know that throwing a cigarette butt on the ground is littering?'. i answered no, which pissed him off. 'it's $500. do you need a $500 ticket for littering?'. i answered, no. he said 'you defiantly threw your cigarette butt on the ground at the light as to be saying fuck off to me'. i said that certainly wasn't my intent, & that i was even politely yielding to him. he went back to the car & came back 5 minutes later w/ a bull-shit doctored up ticket. he said, 'do you want a $500 littering ticket today?'. i said no, & again apologized. he said ok, let me off w/ a warning & said that if i'm going to throw a cigarette butt on the ground, to not do it in front of grosse pointe city cops. as soon as i got inside i yelled for ~10min, 'fuck you grosse pointe city cops! grosse pointe city cops grosse pointe city cops, they ain't too smart! blow me you franzia ferdinand back alley abortions...etc etc etc'.

somehow forgot to mention this oc/tc buzz on friday, finally after a year of pleading to gail berman, president of fox, they're finally heeding my advice this fall. last summer i bored all my friends to death stating that fox needed to pit their strongest show, the oc, up against the friends/durstvivor 8-9pm competitors & put tru calling in the 9-10pm timeslot (or vice versa) to get a strong lead-in audience. my theory is that they would completely OWN thursday night tv. apparently rupert & co have been reading whatevs/retrobuzz archives & are making that change this fall. i predict the oc will put 'joey' & matt leblanc out of a job in less than 2 months. tru calling will double-up it's audience to ~8mil per week. thursdays, some say the new x-mas, or what have you.

say it ain't so!! jagermeister & slipnot are in bed together. do you like shitty music? slipnot is headlining the jagermeister music tour this summer w/ 2 other shitty bands after a much-too-brief 3 year hiatus from touring. i love jager, but i have to question everything i believe in when i see this kind of marketing partnership. am i walmarts if i like jager? should i be listening to creed & nickelback instead of the verve & the stone roses? um, no. i hope the grizz was joking or drunk on saturday when he said he likes slipnot.

speaking of the grizz, his birthday celebration saturday night at the wab was absopurely mmmmBEST! w/out seantizz & peabs, who were in columbus OH reliving their high-school days going to a jimmy buffett concert, there was a big void in the infrastructure of the fow nation to be made up for. luckily all of the troops rallied & showed up in full force to party. many interesting coversations were had, including a fun exchange between kegzies & myself re: the libertines. the gorilla recorded the long debate, which ended when i finally walked away to get a drink at the bar. the bet being that damore & grambo would think that the libertines forthcoming mick jones colabortion would in 6 months be our favorite album of 2004. no way, franzia's already locked that up. here is a link to the recording (courtesy of the gorilla). as always, the real party didn't start until ~1am, when the hard-core partiers were pretty much the only people left in the bar. things got out of control & at several points i think we were very close to getting bounced out. happy birthday to the grizz, who's b-day is today.

speaking of absopure, another funny thing i saw this weekend was when absopure water had their spot featuring chuck woolery air in a commercial break during vh1's best week ever. the marketing geniuses at absopure have done their homework. 4 out of the 5 retrobuzz readers watch best week ever, & i've been dropping 'absopure' lingo for a couple months now. that's an 80% target market penetration rate.

i finally saw the heavily hyped cold pizza ep from last week featuring ultragrrrl & the 'obvs' throwout. no offense personally to her (i've never spoken to her before), but was wearing a FRANZIA FERDINAND tee really necessary? i would have been okay w/ the killers. speaking of spin mag, can anyone explain why there are like 50 franz ferdinand articles in this month's spin (w/ karen o'durst on the cover)? sorry spin, i'm not writing this to be an a-hole, just as a concerned reader. an interesting comparison might be spin vs nme re: the # of Franzia articles each month.

axel who?

2004-05-21T17:51:00.000+03:00

last night had so much buzz. wife-beating karma catches up w/ wife-beater jason kidd as the pistons clock the nets in a game 7 domestic violence clinic. wife-beater kidd didn't score a single point the entire game. nice job detroit. no official report to confirm, but kidd supposedly beat the crap out of his wife, jumanji, after the game. i don't see any way around a best of seven series w/ the pacers. as much as i hate reggie miller & the pacers, i'm happy to see rick carlisle having success after getting the biggest WTF?! dismissal last year. duhvs i'm backing the 'stons. wtf is a pacer anyway? the car?

on to the real buzz from last night. velvet revolver. meeting up for pre-show drinks w/ bigmatt & gkvibe at the town pump was smart. at the state, the crowd was very sketchy best. it was like harpos or the ritz in roseville x 1000. so many pairs of black jeans, acid washed ripped jeans, leather clad fake tees, it was sick. it was like the entire crowd stepped out of a time capsule from 1987 just to hit this show. showering after work proved to be a complete waste of time. the vibe douched it up when he bought tix late & got us balcony seats. worst! i tried bribing every security guard i could find, but they were all a bunch of ephing clowns. 'i'll get fired', '$10 ain't worth getting fired', '15 bucks ain't worth getting fired', '$20 ain't worth getting fired'. eph you, it's velvet revolver! after my bribes got manute bol BLOCKED!, gkvibe & i were hanging out in front of the main floor doors, the security guards walked away for a second, & we walked right in. once in, we instinctively split up & met up around the bar. velvet revolver had just started their set, opening w/ 'sucker train blues', a vr song.

we worked our way down the left side to the mid tier. moved in toward the middle & settled there for half the set. the 4th song was stp's 'crackerman', how ephing best is that?! they sounded like the best rock band ever. they totally worked the crowd, moving around, getting on top of the marshall stacks. weiland used the megaphone during several songs. he weighs ~120 elerbes, has short hair, & is still crazy. he looks like layne staley pre-corpse. he's gotta be on smack still. after a couple more duff lites, we finished our beers & then they played gnr classic 'it's so easy'. the place went absopurely bananaz! i think every person there sang every word to that song--'i see you standing there...you think you're so cool...why don't you just...f*ck off!' BEST EVER! weiland sounded perfect during the gnr tunes. eph you axel rose! eph you & the 'new' gnr! you're irrelevant. we then walked down onto the mainfloor & worked our way up to the front, about 7 people deep from the front of the stage. the crowd was rowdy & we were smack dab in the epicenter of a 1991 mosh pit. slash was stationed directly in front of us. if he's not the biggest rock star ever, i don't know who is. he smoked more cigs than me there, & was sporting his classic black top-hat. gkvibe got great pics on his cam-phone. my ipod got a bunch too. pics are courtesy of the vibe.

it was hot as balls down front, i was covered not only in my own sweat, but that of 40 other people around me. some jag-off even threw a beer on us. apparently they read the whatevs backblog last week & saw that pouring beer on one's self is out, so they threw it on others instead. the encore highlight was stp's 'sex type thing', follwed by MR BROWNSTONE!!!! which blew the roof off the place. after the show, the grizz reportedly said, 'VR makes Audioslave look like N'SYNC!'. duhvs! VR makes the strokes look like franzia ferdinand!

another cool part was when duff blew the crowd by throwing out the 'i love detroit. i met my wife in detroit. detroit f'ing rocks!' banter. detroit has an inferiority complex, so it loves rockstars stroking detroit's egos. the show was done by 10:15 & the vibe & i caught the last couple minutes of the pistons/nets game at the pump. i went home after & burned all the clothes i wore to the show. duhvs.

here is vr's complete set list:
1 Sucker Train Blues
2 Do It for the Kids
3 Headspace
4 Crackerman
5 Illegal I
6 It's So Easy
7 Fall To Pieces
8 Big Machine
9 Set Me Free
10 Used to Love Her
11 Slither
12 Sex Type Thing
13 Mr. Brownstone
14 Negative Creep

ready to crash & burn, i never learn...

2004-05-20T22:04:00.000+03:00

sick of damore's weekly no buzz lists? sick of him constantly digging on you or things you like? well now's your chance to voice your opinions. i'm throwing you, the people, an opportunity to help comprise next week's entire 'no buzz' list. pick any relevant current topic or topics, jot down your thoughts & email them to me at retrobuzz1977@yahoo.com. i will pick the best one's, rank them & post next weds 5/26/04. poor submissions will likely either a) get the author added to the no buzz list or b) get posted & busted up like a high school kegger. so be careful. the funnier the better.

any topic is acceptable--think damore himself has ZERO buzz? write about it. sick of wearing pants? write about it. sick of grambo & peabs? don't write about it, i've covered that one ad nauseum already this week! traditionally i've had just the top 5 rankings, if response & submissions are good, that will likely be expanded to accomodate good works.

anyway, tonight is the velvet revolver show in the d at the state theatre. if you're going, bigmatt (of motor city rocks), gkvibe & myself will be meeting up pre-show at the town pump for drinks at 7pm'ish. post-show plans are to meet-up w/ scott weiland in the back-alley to shoot up heroin & sparks. god i hope mr brownstone will be revealed, it's so easy, nighttrain, my michelle, rocket queen, god anything from appetite. stp material from core & purple would be best too. i know alot of fows are going to the jump,little children show at the magic bag. to that i say, cool, have a great time & enjoy the show. if you have time afterwards, stop by the backalleybortion behind the state...we'll be doing shooting smack w/ weiland & duff till 3am or so. it IS a school night & all.

cheers to peabs & grambo for being good sports while i mocked them the past 2 days--it's so easy easy, when everbody's trying to please me baby. it's so easy...so f*cking easy, yeah it's so easy. & to everyone who reads this, know that in my heart, i love you all. w/out you, there is no retrobuzz. so if you don't like it, stop dropping by.

where's your crib at?

2004-05-20T18:25:00.000+03:00

douchebags revealed!
after posting this week's no buzz list yesterday, i received some feedback via email from both peabs & uncle grambo. Listen to these sensitive douchebags cry. normally personal emails from friends are out of bounds, but exceptions exceptions exceptions. i hope you enjoy what follows.

here is the grambo communicae:

markdgraham@yahoo.com wrote:
Subject: WTF??????!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Wed, 19 May 2004 14:03:29 -0400
From: "Uncle Grambo"
To: "damore" retrobuzz1977@yahoo.com

damizz, what the eff is up w/ all the haterade you poured on me in today's No Buzz list on Retrobuzz? Not sure what I did to deserve that, but I wish you would have at least ran it by me before going to print. I know I played it cool on the backblog and tried to play it off as 'all in good fun', but that was kind of a low blow. Espesh that pic of me & Peabs from Bob/Pieper's wedding. Worst! My hair didn't look as good as I would have liked, so I mos def would have appreciated the opportunity to provide you with a more flattering pic to use. Shmears.

Anyway, wait till next week when I go ape shit all oves Damore and Retrobuzz. Tru Durstness will be revealed.
-Grambo
P.S. You're the ASS FACE, ASS FACE!

-----Original Message-----
From: "damore" retrobuzz1977@yahoo.com
Sent: Wed, May 19, 2004 14:37:32 -0400
To: "Uncle Grambo" markdgraham@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: WTF??????!!!!!!!!!!!

grambo, sorry you feel that way. i thought it would be funny & that you of all people would appreciate it for a good laugh. i certainly didn't think you would get all sensitive about it. i think you're over-reacting. i know you're this big celebrity & all now, but the intent wasn't to be mean spirited. take some midol, & stop by for sparks some time when your pms'ing is over this month.
-damore

here is the peabs communicae:

"Peabs" mpeabody77@yahoo.com wrote:
Subject: Thanks douchebag
Date: Wed, 19 May 2004 13:46:02 -0400
From: "Peabs" mpeabody77@yahoo.com
To: "damore" retrobuzz1977@yahoo.com

Damizz, what the hell was your post today all about? It's cool that you have blog, but it's not cool to trash your best friends by making them look stupid on your No Buzz lists. Obvs. I'll continue to downplay your bullshit publicly by playing along and all. Shmears. But understand this-You're going to regret that post come next week. So much revenge buzz on sstp! Glad our friendship means so little to you douchebag.

And I am much better looking than you. Bovs.
-Peabs

PS Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04

-----Original Message-----
From: "damore" mailto:retrobuzz1977@yahoo.com
Sent: Wed, May 19, 2004 14:51:19 -0400
To: "Peabs" mpeabody77@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Thanks Douchebag

peabs, you & grambo need to lighten up. it was joke, which no one took seriously anyway. you of all people should know how things work on retrobuzz. go ahead, blast away on me next week on your site. it would be welcomed topic change from the current 6 month run-on posting i've been suffering through on sstp. relax & get a hand job from rusty wallace, you ephing student.

don't kid yourself...NO ONE'S prettier than damore. i'm precious.

-damore

don't get all sensitive. i hate me too.

2004-05-19T17:37:00.000+03:00

before you get all po'ed at me, relax, go back inside, get yourself a big forty & just party.

5) libertines-which one's on suicide watch now--pete or hot carl? i can't believe even nme is still tossing their salad. so what if mick jones from the clash is blowing them--he just happens to be co-producing their album. no offense to mick, but is he trying to land simon cowell's job?--cos i'm pretty sure paula abdul's the one who blows everybody.

4) jack white- more upcoming colabortions w/ loretta lynn? can't wait for his colabortions w/ franzia ferdinand & beck.

3)sosayeththepeabs- how long are you going keep torturing the world w/ your sexual abuse of the english language? find a new obsession--running for president w/ cosby is sooo Q1 '04--bbbbovs. move on to something new. i don't know, maybe jello? oh, you've killed that one too. thanks. can you bless the world w/ just 1 ephing post that DOESN'T include the following:
a) how pretty you think you are
b) references to illegal drugs
c) obvs in 04 campaign
d) the use of 'izz' based words
yeah, didn't think so...

2) fox summer programming- north shore-mon 8pm, the casino-mon 9pm, method & red-tues 8:30pm, the jury-tues 9pm, quintuplets- weds 8:30pm, the simple life 2-weds 9pm. while i applaud fox for not leaving us w/ nothing but re-runs & major league baseball during the summer months, i just don't see anything worthwhile to watch out of these 6 new shows. i don't see north shore being the hit that the oc became overnight. not merely derivative, the title is exactly the same as the 80's classic surfing movie. isn't 'method & red' exactly like the movie 'how high', except they don't go ivy league? i loved andy richter as conan's side-kick, but everything since has been hilariously unfunny. suck it up richter--you don't need your own 'star search'--go back to conan & grovel!

1) whatevsdotorg- so you had a friend to say 'obvs' on national tv. well lahti-fricken-dah! whupti-friggin-doo! normally i don't bite the hand that feeds me (~80% of of my traffic comes via whatevs), but someone has to say it. you've whored yourself out to corporate america----bravo. getting quarterly checks from amazon.com for the products bought from them via your site? for shame. i look at what whatevs has become--one giant billboard for advertising pimps. i thought it was all about revealing photos of young starlets? not since big-business took-over. durst. AND PLEASE, TELL US AGAIN FOR THE TEN-THOUSANDTH TIME HOW STRIPPERS STOLE YOUR DIGICAM ON OPENING DAY! that one's my favorite, i never tire of that. bovs on YOUR ephing tees! no one calls ME 'ass face'.

as a new addition, to show minor change, i'm adding the 'sparks player of the week' award. this title is given to the individual or entity that has the most buzz, as voted by the retrobuzz pollsters. the award also extends to it's bearer, a lifetime of immunity from the 'no buzz' rankings, as well as 1 free can of the best alc-energy drink ever (must be 21 or older, offer void in canada, alaska, hawaii, & mexico. drink sparks responsibly).

the 1st (& probably last) sparks player of the week award goes to...

GK VIBE- you partied harder than anyone last week. on monday you showed the strokes what a bunch of douchebags they are at the state. getting drunk at upscale fashion parties in royal oak, drunkenly buying 3 pairs of $750 jeans, zoolander style. pre-partying at your place using the 'shot-stick' for foursomes of capt morgan shots. tearing up the dancefloor at posh at the morrissey album prelease party, dancing w/ all the ladies, & blacking out. so much sparks it sickens me. cheers, your dream has come tru. mmmmBEST!

do you like, apples?

2004-05-18T22:50:00.000+03:00

what the hell is wrong w/ chris martin? what a fookin' student! don't ever do anything similar to the darkness. you blow!

those lyrics...
'I'll be there through the thin and the thick / I'm gonna clean up all the poo and the sick'.

sounds like liam gallagher's 'little james', but this is supposed to be a joke. so little buzz going these days that he has to spoof the darkness as the nappies. bunch of ephing tourists!

speaking of which...

last but not lastly, last night's last tourist show at smalls was best. they sounded as tight as i've ever heard them sound. the cosmic rough riders were kind enough to lend them use of their equipment, which sounded totally topps (except for the low vox). the band revealed a new song, which sounded pretty hott. their dark moody brit rock had the crowd going. i've been to probably 30-some shows there the past 18 months, very few acts have drawn much more than last night. mark gardener from ride drew less, the stills last october drew about the same, division of laura lee was similar. cheers.

sorry i don't have any pics for you, i don't have a digicam or a computer. as always, my ipod caught everything (in my mind). i'm watching the show again, but in rewind as i type this. apologies to the band for the request i yelled out in between songs (soberly i might add):
damore- 'play tru calling!'
band- 'we don't have a song called that'
damore-'whatever. make one up'
band-'shut the f*ck up damore, your website sucks!'

not that much news out there today...

TRU RENU-AL

2004-05-18T16:39:00.000+03:00

god bless the blueprint. foxy jess reported yesterday that fox finally got it's act together & will be buying a second season of the drama Tru Calling. major props to fj for this buzz.

i'm not sure if my daily email bombings to high-powered fox execs had any bearing on tru calling's renewal or not, you be the judge. the following is an email exchange between myself & news corp chairman rupert murdoch from earlier this month.

damore wrote:
Date: Fri, 07 May 2004 04:53:49 -0700 (PDT)
From: damore
Subject: Re: Tru Calling's renewal status
To: rmurdoch@newscorp.com

Dear Rupert, it has come to my attention that 4 of your shows on Fox programming have been granted early renewal by the suits there at the Fox division. Those included The OC, 24, Bernie Mac Show, & Malcolm in the Middle. While I can't even begin to tell what is wrong w/ Malcolm in the Middle, my focus here is the blatant exclusion of the cult phenom drama Tru Calling.

Tru Calling is a widely appealing drama that found it's rhythm mid-way through it's first season. The star-studded cast of Eliza Dushku, AJ Cook, Brandon Walsh has made Thursdays on Fox 'Absopure Buzz TV' (feel free to use that phrase). Even in the toughest time slot (8-9pm Thurs) unenviously pitted up against the likes of NBC's 'Friends' & ABC's 'Durstvivor', it managed to garner solid ratings & build up a solid, loyal cult following.

Not renewing the show for a second season would in my estimation prove to be one of the biggest mistakes Fox has ever made. And that includes the it's reality tv abortions (Cops, The Swan, My Big Fat..., etc etc etc). Why pay for all of that premium talent (Dushku, Neal Moritz, Jon Harmon Feldman, Doug Petrie, Walsh) & put it in a no-win situation in the toughest time-slot if you won't even let it reap the spoils next season w/ Friends out of the picture? Please schedule a meeting w/ Grushow, Chernin, & Berman to get this oversight resolved immediately.

If Tru Season 2 doesn't get the greenlight, I can promise you this. I will make it my life's work to spam every single News Corp's employee email account w/ hundreds of messages a day w/ porn material featuring Nell Carter (god rest her soul).

If you feel it necessary to try my patience on this, I can assure you that I am not bluffing. Level 2 escalation for non-compliance includes crippling News Corp's entire server/communication network w/ millions of liquid viagra & gay porn email---a virus the likes of which your IT staff has never seen. Renu Tru.

Best Regards,
Damore

P.S. I love The OC! Keep up the good work! Can't wait until November.

rupert wrote:
Date: Fri, 07 May 2004 10:32:19 -0700 (PDT)
From: rupert murdoch
Subject: Re: Tru Calling's renewal status
To: retrobuzz1977@yahoo.com

Damore, I don't know who the bloody hell you think you are. I'm Rupert Bloody Murdock, the billionaire tyrant media mogul. No one strong arms me with threats of repercussions!

While I haven't decided whether or not to have you picked-off by a sniper later this month, I do agree that an oversight has been made. Thank you for the constructive criticism & your extreme (while troubling) loyalty to Fox.

This issue should be put to rest by 17-May, as negotiations for extensions have now opened.

Cheers,
Rupe

P.S. I like your style. Cold, angry, & vindictive. We just might have an opening for you in Fox drama development. Let me know if you're interested!

compare & contrast

2004-05-17T19:27:00.000+03:00

i was thinking about this topic last week. maybe i was inspired by our gov granholm's 'cool cities' initiative, that always profiles some diamond in the rough city in michigan, & trys to spin it as 'young & hip' to try & keep michigan's young talent from moving out of state. i chose to compare & contrast nyc & the d. don't mis-understand, i love detroit--but if i were to move somewhere, nyc is up there.

nyc vs detroit

cabs
nyc-can't go 5 sec's w/out seeing cab downtown.
detroit-you can go 5 days w/out seeing a single cab in the d.
advantage: nyc

bands
nyc-has walkmen, strokes, fow, interpol, rapture, yyy's, sea ray, stellastarr* etc etc etc.
detroit- has the white stripes, von bondies, sights, the nice device, brendan benson, kid rock, eminem
advantage: nyc--hand's-down. detroit's garage rock scene is sooo 2002, & it's white-boy rap scene w/ eminem & kid rock is embarrassing to many. although the nice device w/ the lovely alicia gbur & brendan benson alone could go head-to-head up against any city's 2 best up-&-comers.

sports
nyc-has the yanks, mets, rangers, islanders, giants, jets, & the knicks.
detroit- pistons, lions, tigers, & red wings
advantage: even. nyc wins w/ giants/jets over the lions, yankees over the tigers, but they've got nothing else. red wings stomp the rangers & islanders, pistons do the same to the knicks. nyc has more teams, but a large portion of them flirt w/ mediocrity, despite large payrolls (rangers, mets, giants, jets). & who really cares about hockey anymore?

cost of living
nyc-the one major downer of any good big city is the cost of living. $1500 a month doesn't get you much by way of apartments. live there & you'll have roommates for life, & not much money left over to save or do much else, unless you make a ton of cash. $225,000 is a good start for a down-payment on a condo/house in ny.
detroit-$225,000 buys you a really nice house in the burbs. if you rent, $700/mo can get you a nice 1000 sq ft flat in the burbs.
advantage: detroit

nightlife
advantage: nyc
not even worth comparing/contrasting. nightlife in the d blows. how many nights/year are spent at the magic stick? far too many. no one (except nme) cares about the jack white vs jason von bondie fight that took place there. morrissey plays 5 gigs in 5 days in nyc, celebs hang-out at post-show parties. in detroit, we go to morrissey release parties, where the biggest celebs are bloggers (UG & peabs)--'aren't you uncle grambo?'.
the only edge the d has is that you can still smoke in bars, which actually blows even if you are a smoker.

blogs
nyc-too many to list out, but boasts blogger pros gawker, karen+1, stereogum, ultragrrrl, real janelle, gothamist, spiers, tmftml, etc etc etc. nyc= blogger capital.
detroit-whatevs & peabs are daily must-reads (if firewalls don't already BLOCK! access). whatevs is probably the top blog going these days. motor city rocks & glamorama are good for the music scene. other than that, it's pretty slim.
advantage: nyc-more is more is more.

charm
nyc-good public transportation systems, tradition, sex appeal, diverse industries/companies located there, better looking people, son of sam, art & culture.
detroit-so blue-collar, so run-down. some might say dilapidated, i like to call it 'rustic'. if you don't like cars, don't move here. public transportation is awful. we even built a 3rd rate monorail here in the 80's caled the 'people mover'. how's that working out these days? detroit...the new north haverbrook. professionally, you'll be tied to the auto industry in some way. if you don't like boring, slow, & unoriginal, the auto industry & detroit aren't for you. take that milwaukee!
advantage: nyc

tv shows
nyc-features the daily show, letterman, conan, & the apprentice, friends (tru calling is based there too).
detroit-so lame they created a trump rip-off called 'the intern', where people try to win an internship w/ attorney jeffery feiger. don't forget 'pass the mic', an american idol rip-off that features detroiters. it's bad, & i'll leave it at that.
advantage: nyc, duh

landmarks
nyc-ground zero, numerous museums, rockafeller plaza, central park, empire state bldg, etc.
detroit-the ren cen, a giant fist of joe louis, & a giant clit-ring in hart plaza.
advantage: nyc-although major creativity points awarded to d-town-bovs.

overall:
nyc. as much as i love detroit, it still has much work to do. only this year did we get a hard rock cafe, 15 years after they were no longer cool. next up, planet hollywood & robocop 4.

i'll have a monday w/ a side of buzz

2004-05-17T15:32:00.000+03:00

tonight is the 2nd show detroit band last tourist is playing since their buzz-laden return to the music scene. they are supporting scotland's cosmic rough riders at the legendary smalls, in hamtramck. their set runs from 10-10:45. poker legend scotty nguyen is a huge fan of theirs, & is rumored to be attending. no word yet on whether he will be guest mc'ing for the band or not. he might be too busy there drinking mic lights & romancing the ladies. if bill cosby isn't too busy banging strippers, he might be in attendance as well.

here are a few things you won't see at the show tonight: fred durst in the audience. beers poured over heads (that is so april 04). un-bovsed-upon tees. jack white--it's monday, & he's too busy beating up the elderly at nursing homes. peabs in spandex tights. kid rock covers revealed.

in conclusion, if you live in the d, be there. if you don't live here, don't go changing that. as good as last tourist is, moving to detroit to see them is a bit rash, since they'll inevitably start touring to a city near you in no time anyway. as their name says, they're a bunch of ephing tourists.

as if you needed more incentive, if you make it, we can run across the street pre-show & buy a sparks & drink it brown-bag style. the cover is only $5, coors light drafts are only $1, & you can go out & still be home & asleep by 11:30pm at the latest.

hope to see you there.

i like stories

2004-05-14T21:15:00.000+03:00

ah, friday, my favorite day of the week. it's that time of the week where you have the longest time off before having to go back to work monday. binge drinking on friday is always very under-rated, despite being highly rated as it is. weekdays are fun, crowds are lighter, but once you're out of college, weekday hang-overs at work have no buzz. some prefer saturdays. a hanger on sunday is always a downer because you have to go to work the next day, which is depressing too. plus, i always feel really slow & dumb mon & tues if i drink heavy on sat night. it takes a few days to shake the rust.

the best drink schedule would be something like this:

mon- not unless interpol is playing your town that night.
tues- rarely. only for a good concert.
weds- the 1st officially acceptable night to drink during the week. thurs & fri you phone it in anyway. drinking every 3rd weds is probably just right. 2x per month=ok
thurs- get drunk watching tru calling, either go out to a bar after, or get stupid drunk at home w/ a few friends or alone. it doesn't matter. going 2 consecutive thursdays w/o drinking, you're officially dead socially (ie married w/ children).
fri- end of week, have all sat & sun to recover. this is when shots of jager are done, giant beers are revealed, & blackouts ensue most frequently. all that pent-up office rage gets released fri night in a hazy booze binge.
sat- lighter drinking done. 4-5 drinks. slight buzz, but can still conversate & drive.
sun- almost never. not unless the darkness are playing your town that night. hangers on mondays=WORST THING EVER!

that's just my take. some drink more frequently, some drink less. i don't think bragging about how much one drinks is cool. for me, i love to do it & i lather/rinse/repeat frequently, that's why i talk alot about it.

puff daddy 'kevorkians' da band. i only saw a couple eps, but there were more fights than the entire season 1 of the oc. somehow this 'band' has sold 800k copies of their 1st album. i didn't even know they had an album out, & that there were 2 seasons of the mtv show w/ da band. i was surprised puffy had the patience to deal w/ this crew for as long as he did. if i was worth hundreds of millions of $'s, i wouldn't want to deal w/ all that drama. then again, maybe that's why he's where he is , & i'm where i am. what kind of cheesecake would you like mr puffy?

check out this on so says i. funny tales of the hollywood life while checking out the premiere of the movie saved!. big shock, adam brody was revealed to be coked out of his mind (again) in public hitting sloppishly on numerous girls (attn: bilson!), even half-ass teenage trannies came out for the event! good times.

while i'm going down on awesome bloggers, go read karen+1's post (musings-on-muse-to-amuse-you-fans) on bob lefsetz/the music industry. as always, brilliant witty commentary on the ignorance of a self-absorbed douchenozz. good stuff.

enjoy your weekend, bovs on some ephing tees!

he's the one they call dr. feelgood

2004-05-14T01:58:00.000+03:00

this should at least be funny. maybe i'll be subjected to a public stoning (& not w/ crack rock) for ripping on miss lohan again, but this year's mtv movie awards are going to be pure comedy. not because lohan is funny, but because she's so stupidly funny. lohan's crayola'ed to-do list reportedly sports, 'only 3 weeks til taping, better learn how to read'. i know there are legions of twenty/thirty-somethings out there obsessed w/ her, but trust me, unless she develops a close friendship w/ mischa's barfin, that girl is bound to blow up any day now. i'm talking like batgirl bigness. not that there's anything wrong w/ that. hello sabrina the teenage witch part II-mjh. i'll stick w/ my over 21 staples. nothing but bilson & dushku thank you very much. imagine those two merged together--it could be bilshku. mmm...bilshku. mmmmmmmBEST!

frasier calls it quits after 11 years...who the eph is 'frasier'?

talk about a fight having less buzz than jack white vs jason von helsing. i can't decide who to blast 1st. i'm sick of hearing both sides' songs, hearing them talked about ad nauseum, & i'm tired from burning them on my site. franzians even talk like a bunch of ephing students while they're being a bunch of ephing tourists,
'next thing, everybody round me just went nuts and i think glen (franzia tour manager) knocked his hat off & nick punched him in the face & then all these like security guys came & pulled him away. it was like school or something.'

& god forbid anyone sees/hears m&m being a back-stage abortion somewhere in the middle of f*cking germany. realize that you owe everything to dre & move on.

just in case you didn't care, the libertines still blow. if i wanted to hear a terrible version of the strokes i'd just buy the new phantom planet album. no thanks douchemates.

'chevelle hates american idol so much they wrote a song about it'. big deal, damore hates chevelle so much he bought 250 copies of their albums just to use their liner notes as toilet paper.

somehow i missed this pseudo-news bit last week, but heard it on pardon the interuption today. alex rodriguez throws a hissy-fit back in december in the la when he got 'punk'd' by ashton kutcher on his deja vu mtv show when he got 'punk'd' by ashton kutcher on his deja vu mtv show back in december. a sox fan waiter calls a-rod a loser, blah blah blah. big deal. arod refused to sign the consent form & demanded that the tape be destroyed, by holding his breath. he lasted 32 seconds. then he cried.

hang the gk

2004-05-13T17:26:00.000+03:00

last night the morrissey release party for 'you are the quarry' at sofa at posh was so ephing best. yeah, the music was good, but that's not why. it was because of the crew. gkvibe, grambo, peabs, dr. em-medicine woman, & damore. we pre-bar'ed at vibe's new pad in royal joak. i kicked things off w/ a sparks (some say the replacement for the word buzz!). shots were done on the 'shot stick', which is a hockey stick (i thinks it's a koho), which has 4 shot glasses attached, so 4 shots get poured & 4 people down a shot at the same time by rotating the shot stick back at the same time. mmmmBEST!

the vibe already buzzing from some botox & ass-cream fashion party he went to w/ 'my brother brennan krengel' in some high end fashion store that i can't even come up w/ a comparison for (think $800 jeans), since most of my wardrobe hails from the lowly jcrew. gkvibe referred to it as a derek zoolander party. upon getting to posh, we went downstairs & ordered drinks. almost immediately the vibe was out on the floor tearing it up dancing w/ the ladies. numerous photos were taken, unfortunately i don't have any to show you, but my ipod captured every event from the evening, the songs, the hilariousness (in my mind). can your ipod do that? blow me.

the vibe kept begging to be put on one of my weekly 'no buzz' lists. not sure why, he was drunk maybe. anyway, i said it would take a durstulean effort over a period of time for him to make that list. it's normally not something i put my friends on, even my friends that i hate. well, he went off the edge & made it personal. he started saying 'tru calling f*cking sucks. dushku has a cock, & it puts yours' to shame damore'. he went on for easily 2min w/ the verbal assault on my love, Her Duffness, & her show tru calling. i shot an icy brooding stare at him as to say, 'watch it mofo'. he went after my one weakness, my achilles heel if you will: dushku. don't ever badmouth her in my presence.

anyway, things were getting a little out of control w/ these stuffy club-type staffers. bunch of ephing students! at one point, the bouncer walked all the way across the bar to warn grambo to tell his friend vibe to settle down.

another funny moment was when i inquired to the asst asst manager about the costs of renting out the basement bar. for a sun/mon/tues night, it starts at $4000. a place that could only comfortably host 100-120 people. are you shmears? go eph yourself. i'll take my retrobuzz bingo mania party elsewhere--chucky cheese muthafuckas--so much skeeball & sparks.

i was out later than i planned, i think i got home at 12:45am. which kinda blows when you have to wake-up for work at 5:45am-absopurely negative buzz. but it was very tough to leave that place. although i was able to kite one of the morrissey promo posters on the wall w/out having to roll/fold it up. mint condition. mmmmBEST!

i'm pretty sure this pretty crew will be tearing up royal joak at some party friday night. rumor has it that one of the 1st kegs of sparks (ok it's only a qtr barrel, but still) will be revealed there. so much sparks!

lastly, f*ck you gkvibe, you're never making my no buzz lists. you've got too much sparks. just asking got you banned my friend.

i like the one's where the mouse kills the cat

2004-05-12T20:49:00.000+03:00

since no one will read this if it's at the end of this post...tonight is the release party for the new morrissey album, 'you are the quarry', at sofa at posh in ferndale. i've only been to the 'new' sofa once, but it's very cool. if you reside in the d, we'll be arriving at ~10'ish. confirmed attendees are gkvibe & becks (no relation to the crappy hanson), grambo, peabs & dr em -medicine woman. sofa...easily the best night of music played at the bar in the d.

one tree hill finale- such a let-down. blah. brooke was working w/ peyton all along to actually screw over nicki, sending her to seattle instead of georgia to find her daughter jenny. i was blinded by the hottness & didn't see that coming. i was expecting more bitchiness out of brooke--kind of disappointed. whitey's going to lose his sight, big deal. over-the-top season2 fore-shadowing w/ the ravens at the beginning & end of the finale? thanks wb, i'm retarded.

-keith & deb shagging was the only thing that made sense. united by their hate for dan (keith's younger brother, deb's husband), since they one's they loved didn't love them back, they eph on the floor in front of the fireplace. finally something normal happens here.

-lucas & keith moving to some other town/state. lame, they'll be back in 2.5 eps max. lemme guess, they run into trouble there &/or dan dies & they have to come back?

-hailey & nathan not having pre-marital sex--so they decide to get married one night so that they can have guilt-free sex. sounds alot like nick douchey & jessica simpson in real life. too 7th heaven'ish for me to stomach. no buzz. if getting married is a pre-req for sex for someone, you need to keep looking.

-lucas missing the last shot of the game to lose in the playoffs. that was good. i was sick of seeing bad basketball footage.
-dan has a heart attack after catching keith w/ his hand in the cookie jar (his wife, deb), says 'i hope i die' upon being discovered by deb. us too. you won't be missed, & you're not allowed to rent here anymore!

couple thing's for sure need to happen next season. nathan cheats on hailey, they break up, lucas & nathan again are enemies. peyton gets a new boyfriend, brooke seduces him & screws over her friend as payback. dan needs to die. brooke, she goes crazy & has sex w/ every guy/girl at tree hill high.

one of the better parts was when snow patrol's 'run' was featured. not just an excerpt of it, the entire song. no wonder there were so many teens at their show last month at the shelter. apparently they have an obsessed fan at the wb/1 tree hill. this was the 3rd ep featuring a snow patrol song (w/in the past 5 wks or so). look out sea ray, a mob of teens will be at st andrews on 5/27 for your show, which is good for you i guess. at least bar traffic there will be lighter too.
one tree hill...not as good as the oc, but what is, other than tru calling?

i'm not sure what the following from charges at the rollerbest means per se, but i think it's not negative. thx & cheers!

Damore/Retrobuzz
'Snappin’ pop-data from Rock City! The more I read all these Doctors of Detroiters, damore I want to tug the old dusty Korg X-5 out of the grimy old Marsha Marsha Marsha tube amp and call up the old Janissary Core crew. If you can actually find JCore downloads anywhere on the interworld, I’ll send you our crabby old record. And free porn, if you act within the next five days or less. Good luck, lover.'

no buzz 5/12/04

2004-05-12T16:35:00.000+03:00

there wasn't one of these lists last week, but the '10 things that sucked about coachella' list hopefully made up for that.

1) the day after tomorrow- great, another $125mills film by the people who gifted us w/ independence day. who plays the US pres in this abortion? richard dean anderson, or jeff daniels? daniels was fit enough to play george washington in a usa or tnt made-for-tv movie, so anything beats bill pullman. as long as it isn't bruce willis, it passes the 1st test, not losing one's eye-site. looks to me like another armageddon all special effects, no substance movie. i hate movies w/ all that plotty/character development stuff anyway.

tree-huggers are hoping the movie will get millions to join up w/ environmentalist causes. um, that would be nice, but c'mon, this is hollywood & you're living in fantasyland. few will want to remember anything about this movie after seeing it. many will spite anything remotely related to it. this movie hurts your cause.

2) another oc creation- i love the oc. but i'm notso sure about the oc companion' show josh schwartz is in talks w/ fox to develop. schwartz would be teaming up w/ his co-exec producers savage & delaurentiis. it's supposedly going to premiere in jan '05, & will be 'melrose place'-esque, in that it targets a slightly older demographic than the oc or it's predecessor, 90210. it's expected to have the same oc formula, mixing storylines of young adults & older characters. i say no buzz cos usually what happens is, the david e kelly's/joss whedon's/& now josh schwartz get a red hot show, take on too many new shows, & all of their projects get diluted in mediocrity & all of them suffer at the same time, along w/ their fans.
(linkage via nummer)

3) pearl jam/friends- this is obvs. friends should've ended 8 years ago. since pearl jam stopped making good music around the same time, why not ask pearl jam to license a song to use for the finale? total 'synergy', which i still don't know the meaning of. note to vedder & co: if you don't want to license your songs, fine. but please don't continue to license them to crappy shows that are well past their prime (like your band). what song are you going to donate to 'the practice' & 'the west wing'? i still can't listen to black or jeremy yet, & it's been 12 years since i od'ed on those from radio/mtv over-play.

4) rummy & cheney- nice job in iraq rummy. your renegade troops abusing captives are really adding fuel to the fire in iraq. whether you're claiming you had no knowledge of such abuses, or claiming that you issued a press release about an investigation re: it back in january, it doesn't matter. your leadership is sooo poor that i can't even imagine voting for bush if you & cheney aren't sacked. seems like no one wants to bring any bad news to your attention. those that do, either get demoted/fired, or are forced to retire due to frost-bite from your beauracracy. oh yeah, & you're the biggest asshole evs. lighten up a little already.

cheney-you just scare that crap out of me. your shady-as-eph connections to hal-abortion & enron should have made it clear that you are in no way fit to run the country, in the event that gw's dies. as poorly as kerry is capitalizing on your failures, we all know how this story ends. like in '92, no one will care about any successes, cos all we'll remember is how much this back-alley falujahbortion this entire war on iraq has been. btw, any luck finding weapons of mass destruction there? should i look for a buried 3-line press-release from last fall? no 2nd term for you!

5) blogger dashboard- thanks for the head's-up blogger--you screwed up so many blog archives w/out warning. the new templates suck. anything related (even only in name) to chris carrabortion & dashboard confessional blows. bravo. shmears.

what's a battle?

2004-05-11T16:53:00.000+03:00

look no further for some summer oc buzz. mtv reveals that everyone's favorite cokehead, adam brody, & lindsay lohan will likely star together in 'love & death at terrington prep'. i saw ms lohan on mtv's made or driven show (or whatever), & holy jebus, they don't come any blonder/dumber. i would have fired her agent on the spot for allowing her to do a revealing behind the scenes show on mtv. luckily, no one cared & still saw 'mean girls'. lohan is reportedly in final negotiations.

i liked it the 1st time, thank you very much. cedric the notso funny entertainer wants to remake classic movie 'back to school'. are you shmears? that movie is untouchable. the triple linding?

i know i dig on the strokes alot. it's funny, cos i'm mostly joking around. i had their show on both my 'buzz/no buzz' lists to the left. their show last night at the state theatre in the d was no joking matter. they were ephing best. while at work yesterday i was 50/50 on going--felt tired & just wanted to go home & sleep. i felt about 63.8% better once i got out of work, & decided to go. funny how that happens. at work=sick, not at work=fine. about 15 of the usual suspects met up pre-show at the town pump for drinks before catching the strokes show. i didn't eat dinner, so after 4 pints or so, i was buzzing like freeway rumblestrips.

for not being sold out, it sure looked & felt jammed to me. yeah, they played alot of room on fire, which i'm not crazy about, but obvs, 'is this it' was revealed heavily, since their entire catalog is maybe 70 minutes of music. nyc cops, hard to explain...absopurely best.

i spent the 1st part of the show hanging w/ bigmatt up-front. kind of bounced around in the back bar area & the mid-tier areas as well. no kirk gibson sighting, i think that db lies about liking 'new & hip' bands so that he can continue to date younger & younger strippers. he gets older, they stay the same age. i was a little disappointed in the drunk banter supplied by julian. there wasn't much to speak of.
what he did say i couldn't make any sense of. were they sober? probably not. for a tour that doesn't have that much buzz, given that room on fire launched 7 months ago, you wouldn't have known it by the insanity inside. last time around in oct, r.o.f wasn't released yet, & the smoking ban pissed me off. this show, knew the newest songs, smoked like 15 cigarettes inside not getting hassled by bloomberg wannabes at all. mmmmbest! this show was, cut & dry, best.

lisa rinna, who the eph do you think you are? over-rated former melrose star said, 'it scares me to death having two young daughters, that britney spears is one of the world's role models!'. hmm, maybe rinna doesn't remember her worst ever pictorial in playboy 6 years ago? unfortunately, i can't wipe my memory clean of those 9 month pregnant images. preggers pictorials? notabigfan. brit hasn't posed nude yet & you're calling her the anti-christ? rinna then proves she did nothing but drugs & blackout through-out all of the 80's & 90's when she goes on to praise madonna, brit's mentor fcs! eph you lisa rinna--melrose place? that was soooo 11 years ago. eph you harry hamlin--nice career since la law. i loved your made for tv movie 5 yrs ago w/ the real estate development condos built atop a mutated rattlesnake haven (1999's 'silent predators'). sorry to attack hamlin here, but he's married to rinna, & has no buzz.

maxim/blender/stuff mag's present 'fantasy island' featuring velvet revolver, the darkness & fountains of wayne in atlantic city june 26/27. for $150, seems kind of pricey. strange line-up too. fow doesn't really mesh too well w/ the darkness & velvet revolver. so much heroin is gonna be consumed by weiland that weekend. tix on-sale today at 12pm. sounds cool, but def not worth an interstate trip, or $150.
(via the grizz)

strange headline 'jackie chan digs up land mines in cambodia'
even stranger headline 'jackie chan digs up land mines in cambodia...gets blown up'. that would have been funnier.

texting is the new spooning

2004-05-10T20:26:00.000+03:00

some random links of pleasure on this monday.

some more details on the cure-chella tour this summer. dates released. so ephing there at the knob. one can only hope franz ferdinand is added to the line-up. i'd love to see them baptised into american festivals w/ a good 'lawn job' of sod throwing. by then, their jig should be up & they would be exposed for the frauds they are.

as ref'ed on whatevs earlier, oasis have officially hired ringo's son zak starkey to replace alan white in the band on drums. zak is pretty best, having seen him tour w/ the who & marr/the healers. noel also appears to have taken time away from his busy schedule of blowing the soundtrack of our lives & other swedish bands full-time in favor of scotland's pro-abortion faves, franz ferdinand. i wrote oasis off in '00 when 'standing on the shoulders...' came out. they are still good for 3 pretty good trax per album, but the rest is just mediocre filler. wtsmg seems so long ago. please don't release another 'little james' song...playing w/ your toys.

who knew garbage pail kids were back! no word yet on whether my trade-marked mischa's barfin made the cut or not.
brittney spews, scuzzy ozzy & justin timberleg, in sept, we'll meet christina ugliera. i say it's about time. originality was never really there, but i miss the gum in each pack too.

olsen twins suicide bomb theatres everywhere!

2004-05-10T17:45:00.000+03:00

it's official...the olsen twins have ZERO BUZZ in the over 11 age bracket. box office mojo reports that the the twins' new york minute flopped like bill laimbeer in the playoffs or a ernest goes to camp movie. it cleared $6.2mil this weekend, much less than bynes' WAGW's & the lizzie macguire abortion. even i was surprised at this new york back-alley box office abortion clinic. i thought it would do $12mil, & still be a flop. nice try ladies at cracking the >12 age demo. either you can sit pretty on your nest egg, or you can start doing coke & partying like trashy hilton sisters. until there are tales of drug & alcohol abuse, wild sex parties, you won't get a single dime from me at the box office.

you got it duuuuude!

bunch of ephing tourists!

2004-05-10T04:04:00.000+03:00

sat evening, checked out the long awaited return of my friends' band, the newly named last tourist, or the band formerly known as immerse. consisting of peabs, the gorilla, c friggs, mark julien, & kegzies respectively. there was heavy buzz in the d surrounding their highly anticipated return to the detroit music scene, as well as their upcoming opening slot gig w/ the cosmic rough riders at the smalls on 5/17. it also gives some of us another excuse to go out drinking.

anyway, i arrived to paycheck's lounge at ~10:30pm, had a few ginger ales & mingled among the heavy fow nation in attendance. too many to list out, bovs. i always love paychecks, cos a) it's dump b) it's my kind of dump & c) the band line-up's are always all over the map. the 1st band (i saw) was this terrible yet best heavy cheese metal act, i think they were called 'extreme noise'. for some reason i got really into this band. the grizz & gkvibe did as well. we anchored ourselves to a table toward the front & rocked out to the band of hilarity. they were cheesy, notso good, but we went nuts during their set. they were definitely tee-ball league if you're keeping score at home when compared to the darkness. maybe it was a cruel unintentional joke? is there such a thing? last time there, they were sandwiched between a crappy ska band (is there any other kind?) & a wu-tang clan esque rap group, which was strange, yet best. line-up's don't get more diverse than paychecks. the final band sat night was a rooney type band. no sh sh shaking revealed though.

last tourist went on at ~11:30pm'ish. w/ 3 guitarists, there are a shit-load of pedals/gadgets, etc to set-up & all that. i think the sound guy did a decent job, cos everything was working & was load. i've heard he's actually an incompetent douche, but after coachella's back-alley indio abortion sound clinics last week, any sound was worth 2 gold stars. as they were about to start their set, i invited myself on stage to announce the band, & they were already standing on stage. i grabbed the mic, & belted out 'ladies & gentlemen, from detroit michigan, it's last fucking tourist! mmmmmmmmmBESTTTTT!!!'. i jumped off stage & they worked their magic, ripping through fan favorites, as well as some new buzztrax. for not playing together for almost 2 years, they sounded really tight. i took about 40 pics during their set, mostly of them & the celeb presence in the crowd. i'd post pics, but a) i don't own a digicam b) i don't own a pc & c) my ipod has thousands of pics, even complete digi-video footage from the entire show (in my mind). fuck your ipod.

i think they finished at ~12:30am or so. perhaps being the self-absorbed attention whore that i am, i got back on-stage as they finished & grabbed the mic again, saying something like, 'ladies & gentlemen, show them some love & fucking give it up for last fucking tourist! mmmmBEST!!'. sadly, no beers were poured over damore's head the entire night. i have to pick & choose carefully occasions for which to reveal this since i'm paying royalties & all.

that kid is back on the escalator! anyway, after last weekend in cali, i was still behind on sleep, despite sleeping 13 hours fri night. i left at 1am & caught a ride w/ peabs' dad, fos, who was proudly sporting a 'peabs: obvs in 04' tee. sunday was wake-up at 11:30am, watch some horrible tv, shower, discover a simpsons marathon was going from 12pm-6pm, then go out & buy some mother's day gifts for my mom in attempt to avoid receiving the worst son of the week award for the 250th conseq week. yes, i never plan ahead. i'm last minute on everything. making plans is boring. & yes, i'm shallow & a bad son. nice, expensive gifts are how i try to buy the affections of my family. anyway, it was a nice flower arrangement, a hallmark card, & a borders gift card. spent the day at my mom's w/ my bro & twin sis, & obvs, my mom. nice day was had by all.

i should have the final part of my coachella write-up done & posted monday am. i'm sure it will suck, much like most of my vanity pieces.

god i hope this is a joke!

2004-05-07T19:01:00.000+03:00

ryan adams better be ephing w/ peoples' heads w/ this news...closes down his website to mourn the 'loss' of the tv show friends. if it's tru, ryan is officially the biggest p-bag ever! ever! ever! typed 3 times so that your memory recall works the next time you hear something about ryan adams. biggest p-bag ever! ever! ever! 'closed until further notice' & dedicated to joey/rachel/monica/ross/blah blah blah.

i love the music, the drug use, the drunkeness. but the friends? worst show ever. f*ck you & your friends! someone ephing blow my head off. any volunteers?

tru best everness

2004-05-07T17:40:00.000+03:00

so i finally got caught up on tv yesterday. the greatest episode of any show was revealed to me last night. friends? um, no. that show was pretty much over in '96 according to the ipod (in my mind). i'm talking about tru calling fools. it ran last thurs, but my busy schedule of partying in the la prevented me from seeing it, but it was recorded. it was so ephing best, 2 hours of the truest hottness EVER seen anywhere, via ANY medium. eliza dushku looked amazing (sfbovs), & the mysterious brandon walsh character's tru colors were revealed. you knew early on that jack (brandon walsh) was reliving days like tru does--it was fairly obvs by his sly dialog, the gambling at the horse track, & his arrogant intuition. you knew he was dark as well. what you didn't know is that he is the exact opposite of tru. she saves lives, he makes sure fate has it's way, doing nothing to prevent deaths after the days' rewind. jack also is in the same morgue in nyc & is out to stop tru from saving lives.

jack is a dark, seemingly fun-loving guy w/ a mean streak. i really related to him, until he crossed the line & started messing w/ tru davies. tru's brother harrison dies & the day rewinds. she has to keep harrison alive. jack is like 'death' stalking it's next victim. he tries to make a deal w/ tru that saves harrison, but she would have to quit saving lives. tru says, 'eph that! it's on bitch!'. also revealed was that jack is working for mr. davies, tru's dad. he is like jack's evil mentor. tru's mom had the same gift, she was good & prevented murders. mr. davies married her in order to kill her & put an end to her do-gooding. tru's mom passed her gift on to tru, now it's jack's turn to take tru out of the picture. i must say my heart broke for tru in this ep. she's one tough biscuit. easily among dushku's best performances.

the best part of the season finale was when tru's love interest, luc, is thrown right into a death trap by jack, so that at least someone dies in place of tru's bro, harrison. soephingbest! fox execs listened to my daily v-mail rants that he needed to die. no word yet on whether they'll take my directives to cast me on the show as tru's new love interest. i guess i'll find out on may 20th. so much mystery buzz!

not sure how much you'll see/hear from me over the next 2 weeks. tru calling finds out its renewal fate on may 20th. needless to say, 90% of my time is going to be spent working on my new blog, www.renutru.blogspot.com, & writing emails/letters to every fox exec telling them how best this show is, & how well it will do next season w/ friends out of the picture. i don't know what i'll do if this show isn't picked up. maybe get a frosty at wendy's, maybe a boston cooler at wally's. who am i kidding, i'll probably go on a summer-long bender, which i pretty much do every summer anyway. coincidentally, i watched some of the new guy last night on the wam! channel. a horrible movie made best by dushku. curse those damn hollywood 'star maps'--no dushku=no buzz.

when's the last time you heard any hives buzz? i can't remember either. pelle & the svenskas are releasing an lp this summer (their 1st since 2000's vvv) & will follow it up w/ a stateside tour beginning in july. i like the hives, but haven't seen them live in concert, so this to me has buzz. rock stars, plain & simple.

i couldn't believe hearing that 5k people showed up last saturday to see william hung perform at oakland mall in troy, mich. that's more than showed-up to somerset for avril last month. i think this is a funny joke, but it's soooo smarch 2004. i heard on the radio that hung was asked by the dodgers to become their new 'rally mascot', kind of like the angels' 'rally monkey' 2 yrs ago, or the 'homer hankies' used back in the day by the twins. he wanted all sorts of money for it. the dodgers were like, there's no $, it's an honor & good pub for your crappy cd & appearances. william hung, you're the biggest joke ever. get over yourself already! you're not a star, a celeb, or what have you. you're one mean joke created by a shallow industry.

blah blah blah

2004-05-06T21:12:00.000+03:00

5/06/04 AP Post-No Buzz Poll - The OC 'The Ties That Bind Us'
1) Theresa (73)- We don't like Chino, but who the hell are you to take him away?
2) Josh Schwartz (68)- What the shit kind of season finale was that? And our Schwartz is bigger than yours.
3) Caleb (61)- Off to the San Quentin.
4) Julie Coop (57)- Ready to move out of another mansion?
5) Chino (43)- Going back to your roots eh?

5/06/04 USA Today Post-No Buzz Poll - The OC 'The Ties That Bind Us'
1) Theresa (91)- Abort, Abort, Abort!
2) Chino (75)- Going back to Chino. Chino Chino. Going back to Chi-no one leaves the Cohenbests. It’s not even your kid.
3) Caleb (59)- You’ll make a nice wife for someone.
4) Julie Coop (47)- No Seger played, no buzz. Next up, Walt Disney?
5) Cohen (31)- Running away on a catamaran alone=not such a good idea. Tahiti?

pollsters agree…theresa is the worst. usa today voters liked the downer 'empire strikes back' finale. some say easily the best star wars movie. AP pollsters like the 1st star wars i guess. i thought this was a great ep. next season, anything can happen. julie coop marries bob seger, cohen moves to chino, chino & eddie kill theresa when they find out neither of them are the father, etc. so many possibilities. best show ever.

tv is pretty much done for until next season on fox. the new summer 'the oc wannabe' looks pretty lame. i think it's called 'north shore', or something like that. nice try fox. after next week's one tree hill, it's all over. friends finally dies for good tonight (thank god), tru calling ended last week (season1 that is), the couple last ep's of angel are left. no smg & no dushku on angel=no buzz.

one tree hill should be good--brooke & nicki screw over peyton, what's-his-face screws his brother's wife (& gets caught in the act), nathan finally screws little miss prude (hailey). this week, outside of sea ray's 'revelry' being featured, was lame. hailey totally over-ephing reacting to her boyfriend looking at porn. hello hailey, you're nothing but PG-13, what's he supposed to do?

i don't know for sure, but i think nicki/brooke taped peyton & nathan in the pool a couple weeks back, & are going blackmail/threaten peyton w/ revealing that footage to hailey (after they bang for the 1st time), so that nicki gets her baby back, & brooke gets revenge. who knows, maybe brooke & nicki are evil lesbians who sell baby-jenny for coke on the black market & just party w/ 40's. that would be best.

when your day is done & you wanna ru-un...cocaine

2004-05-06T20:24:00.000+03:00

this is my part1 write-up on the weekend's festivities in the la & coachella/palm springs. as far as i know, it's pretty accurate. the actual coachella part will be revealed later, not enough time, & too much to cover.

thursday 4/29
damore & uncle grambo flew to la arriving at ~2pm. rented convertible, checked out venice beach (no beach bench presses thank you very much), being sweet. obvs. peabs & dirty mckean opted for a 1 night crazy trip to vegas thurs instead. made plans w/ kerry so says i & foxy jess blueprint to meet up for drinks/dinner at a sushi place on hollywood blvd, across from where the jimmy kimmel show tapes. ironically the place had buzz, despite ryan seacrest's show 'on air w/ douchecrest' taping in the same plaza. after taking the scenic route around la in 90210 & sunset, & getting lost, we finally made it there ~6:45'ish. 1st time mtg kerry, who was very cool (not to mention sexy) & was nice enough to hook up green room guest list buzz for the 4 of us for the night's show.

after ordering food, a few drinks, it was time to head over to the theatre for kimmel. the night's guests were greg kinnear, vanessa marcil, & snow patrol. didn't watch the main guests, just got drinks, people watched, & took in the atmospheric buzz. the green room sports several plasma tv's, swanky furniture, pool table, & retro arcade/pinball machines. i'm talking like asteroids & centipede.

after a few rounds, a couple smoke breaks, it was time for snow patrol. went upstairs to the theatre, vip stizz, & got up close to the stage. i think their 1st song was 'spitting games', 'chocolate', & 'run'. 3 songs in all, not too shabby. the crowd was very into their music, & gary & co fed off of it. much better sound than at the shelter show. after their set, the girls yelled out synchronously 'what are you doing after the show?!', which was hilarious. kimmel's brother made some funny smart-ass crack which was good for a laugh.

back down in the green room, it was more drinks & people watching. la people are much better looking than midwesterners. snow patrol came down to drink after, & the girls struck up conversations. they seemed really laid back & fun. grambo & i had to meet up w/ his friend whose place we were crashing at, so i make a quick conversation w/ gary lightbody. real quick banter, cos i'm sure talking to dudes is low on the priority list while on tour, i mention how good their detroit show was, etc. then i got the idea to have him insult me by having him say 'fuck off, your website's shit'. he was a little wtf?, but after a few drizzies, he was game. i was amused, & it was time to leave, early unfortunately.

we met up w/ mark's friend jimmy & his gf nicole, & went around the block to 'scary-ho's', which i couldn't remember the real name of. jimmy & nicole were very nice, & very cool. c friggs had called called grambo out-of-blue earlier, & was flying out to la for work fri night to deliver some top secret documents. friggs met up w/ us at scary-ho's, which was kind of fratish, but there was college-cheap booze & scores of young attractive ladies. mmmmBEST! several rounds, shots, we were ephed up. post bar, we stopped in for some sketchy mex food. drunken burritos=heaven. some girl who obvs listened to too much yorn asked for some of my burrito. i was tanked & said something like, 'um, notso much'. i smelled a scam w/ zero pay-off. c friggs, so much buzz, decides to stay the weekend in cali, gambling wisely on a trip to indio for coachella.

Friday 4/30
woke-up around 8am, showered, then hit the scenes in la. drove down sunset, then back to hollywood blvd to get picks of the h'wood sign. rambo (no joke) was hanging out front of the wax museum & photos were taken of grambo & rambo, 1st blood stizz. best. damore even got a pic w/ the rambo character, wielding an m-16. so random. we met up w/ another friend of UG's, curley (who coincidently started a retro sports apparel co), & went out for b-fast, which was the best meal of the trip: red flannel hash.

~1pm, hit the road, 'driving down the 101' (phantom planet ref). killed time in ps till it was time to party hard at bananaz. ralph's, so best, it's where movie stars like gina gershon shop for fruit at 2am. after dinner/drinks at the blue oyster grill, we conned an extra 1 or 2 into the diesel/filter mag party, it was time to drink more. not realizing certain drinks were free, i ordered a round of non-free drinks. probably spent $40 before inquiring about the drink specials. doh! once the girls showed-up & the place started getting packed w/ stalkers, groupies, & douchebag types, it was best. i was warned not to say anything bad about howie day'te rapist, since he was standing nearby.

after multiple rounds of red stripes, some jager shots, it was time for some amusement. the music was good, a big group of us were dancing, & i totally ripped-off a 1st hand account from the week prior. grambo revealed that ultragrrrl, upon getting to some bar in nyc, ordered a beer, then just poured it over her head & ordered another drink after. that sounded like so much fun, so i did that a few times, pretty much soaking me, & others, when i started shaking my head like a dog to get others' wet. i thought it was hilarious & fun. best rip-off ever. afterwards, we partied back at the hotel. next day kinda rough, but it was sunny, hott, & chock full of buzz.

more details to come. no time for love dr. jones!

so much oc buzz!!

2004-05-05T18:08:00.000+03:00

adam graham writes an amazingly best story on the oc in today's detroit news, & scored an interview w/ josh schwartz, the oc creator. how ephing best is that?! so much buzz. who else asks him about the oc/bob seger references that keep popping up, or what fans really care about, when will the season1 dvd's be released? bovs. answers being 1) cos schwartz loves seger & 2) october '04.
major props out to adam graham for this totally best story/interview.

here are the USA Today pre-show poll results, & the AP poll results are now in too.

5/05/04 USA Today Pre-No Buzz Poll - The OC 'The Ties That Bind Us'
1) Theresa (85)- Funny, neither Chino or Eddie are the father, right?
2) Chino (71)- Ask Theresa for a wife-beater dna test-- O positive walmarts or B negative walmarts?
3) Julie Coop (55)- Why not just dig up Bob Hope's corpse or just thaw out Walt Disney's frozen corpse & get married?
4) Caleb (47)- Your wedding's going to get busted up like a high school kegger.
5) Cohen (30)- Do more coke--girls love babbling comic-book-loving junkies.

5/05/04 AP Pre-No Buzz Poll - The OC 'The Ties That Bind Us'
1) Theresa (73)- I can't believe you have lasted as long as you have in the OC.
2) Marissa Coop (69)- Go cry somewhere else.
3) Julie Coop (61)- Slut.
4) Caleb (41)- You make shady business deals, marry sluts, do something original.
5) Chino (22)- Go to Oregon with Luke.

who says i hate everything?

2004-05-05T00:44:00.000+03:00

so much sea ray buzz...tonight you can catch sea ray's music featured at 9pm on tonight's 'one tree hill' ep. yes, i like this show. it has hott girls/moms, lots of drama, & most importantly some of the best new music featured on tv. snow patrol has been featured in two eps, a couple weeks ago it was fountains of wayne (all kinds of time), & tonight is the totally best sea ray's turn. SEA RAY+brooke+peyton+nicki+the moms=THE BEST THING EVER. throw in a couple sparks, & shmears. if you miss it tonight, it also runs sundays' at 5pm on the wb. if you miss that, never talk to me again. mmmmBUZZ...don't forget to buy tix to the best line-up since, well, coachella. only it's much more concise, not as brutally hot, very affordable, drinks cost less, & you don't have to travel to cali for it. sea ray/metric/the stills. i'm sure they'll be hitting a town town near you very soon, may 27th for those located in the d.

speaking of buzz, please do yourself a favor & check out the coachella highlights & OC BUZZ on kerry's so says i, jessica's the blueprint, & uncle grambo's whatevsdotbovs. it was so fun hanging out w/ jessica & kerry (whom i had never met before) in the la & the palm springs. you'd be hard pressed to find any cooler, nicer, better looking genuine people ever in your life. so says i has a great write-up on the bands/brody cokehead buzz, the blueprint has some MAJOR OC BUZZ revealed complete w/ pics. mmmmBEST! cheers, thx for the good times ladies.

one thing i'll reveal prematurely...the quote of the year...(to damore) 'f*ck off, your website's shit!'-gary lightbody (of snow patrol).
how ephing best is that?! a rock star slams retrobuzz in the green room at the jimmy kimmel show. actually, i had to literally beg gary to say that so that i didn't have to lie about him saying it. who makes rockstars insult their web site? damore, that's who. strange. why? cos i thought it was funny.

*breaking wilco buzzzzzz! wilco will be on the bill for the detroit lollapalooza date. since i don't live in other cities, i didn't bother to research it further. hopefully they're making up for their coachella rehabortion in other cities too!

*durst blog ever- fred durst has a blog, & yep, it's becks. sfbovs.
(*obvs, courtesy of the grizz)

until later, when i have time to tell you about what else was best about the coachella.

10 things i hate about you

2004-05-04T19:45:00.000+03:00

1st day back to work after coachella=notso fun. all sorts of issues while i was gone, no one covered my programs despite detailed instructions, etc. but whatever, vacation is always worth it. coachella was so ephing best. i'll have a full breakdown of highlights later (so many tees bovs'ed on!!), but wanted to let you know what i thought was totally worst. i found most of these pretty funny at the time, so it's not like they impacted my overall awesome experience at coachella in any way. i will be going back next year for it. consider this a self-improvement list for the folks who make coachella happen.

top 10 things that sucked about coachella:

*1) beck
2) adam brody- i didn't see him since he was stumbling around the vip area stoned out of his mind on pot/coke. 2 VERY reliable & beautiful sources reported that during the pixies' set, he tried to eat his airwalk shoes. they then approached brody & asked him for a piece of gum, to which he turned his red blood-shot eyes towards them & could not formulate anything other than a gibberish laden incoherent sentence.
3) mischa's barfin- again, two beautiful & reliable sources reported seeing the oc star mischa barton getting worked on by her billionaire boyfriend against the fence in the vip area. classy & sexy.
4) giant piles of trash everywhere- since there were only 14 trash cans on the entire polo grounds, overflow trash got piled up in mountain form once the trash cans were full. it added a pleasant spice to the overpoweringly strong smell of horse manure in the parking lot. saturday after the show i nearly walked into a pile of trash & fell. the same piles of trash were there the next afternoon. less trash, more ash next year.
5) my (felt-tip) pen was confiscated at security- security said 'you'd be surprised how much damage it could cause. i've seen it happen'. my response after un-winable protest, 'f*ck it!' & walked away.
6) flaming lips singing happy birthday to beck- wtf? i thought they & beck had a huge falling-out in '02. their set had so much buzz when wayne coyne descended from outerspace in a giant bubble. it was squandered away when their 5th & final song of their set was happy b-day to beck. worst ever.
7) incompetent stoner sound guys- so many sets started late due to sound issues, or started w/out working microphones, equipment, etc. the killers were 15min late & the sound was bad initially (no keyboards, poor vox). brmc's mic's didn't work until the end of the 1st song. fire these stoner retards & get some decent talent. set times are tight, don't need a 1972 indio back-alley abortion clinic put on by sound guys to waste time.
8) the killers- pulled a 20-piece church choir on-stage for the last 2min of their final song. so pretentious. i hope they found them walking around the parking lot or something. what a waste. couldn't even hear the choir singing. i laughed for at least 20min when this las vegas casino-lobby abortion pulled this stunt. worst part is the chorus goes something like 'i've got soul but i'm not a soldier' (over & over). & their 'indie rock saved my life' song is simply beck.
9) political speeches from lead singers in-between songs- wayne coyne telling everyone repeatedly to 'stop bush' & vote john kerry. cursive's singer telling everyone to register to vote, vote in '04, & vote john kerry. i went there to hear good music, make fun of stupid things (like beck), not to hear you tell me how i should vote. i'm not even registered to vote.
10) misc- wilco canceling---cos saturday ended early, pushing thousands of people over to see kraftwerk's set in a much smaller tent. the cure starting 25min late.

sorry, i can't resist ripping on beck-
*beck- so boring, so quiet, such a douchebag. starts like 15-20min late, plays nothing but solo acoustic songs from sea changes. so quiet i had to climb over sleeping zombie corpses just to actually hear him playing. only played 4 or 5 songs, none of which were any of his good ones. don't bother showing up next year. so beck. happy birthday douchebag.

california... california!!

2004-04-29T15:55:00.000+03:00

well, off to the la in a couple hours. no guest blogger for this site, mostly cos i can't line one up, the 4 people who read my site will be at coachella this weekend w/ me, & 4 people read my site. anyway, i just took my final exam in my creative writing class at grosse pointe community college, & it's time to party. what? yes, i took a creative writing class by night taught by the tastey lisa schell. actually the reason i started this blog was to get credit for assignments/projects & such. much like you, she wasn't a big fan of mine. i scored a b- as a final grade. her comments included '...you have very poor punctuation (all lowercase characters) & use numerous made-up words. Your distaste with so many topics is also troubling. However, I will say the writing content was quite creative, even if I couldn't understand much of it.'

shmears!

anyway, off to cali w/ uncle grambo, where we will be mtg up w/ kerry at so says i & jess at the blueprint. we going to party retrobuzz stizz hanging in the green room tonight on kimmel's show. maybe vanessa marcil is into douchebag guys w/ shitty blogs? i for one am hoping so. & snow patrol will be best.

tomorrow we meet up w/ peabs & dirty mckean in palm springs, where we will be attending the diesel/filter mag pre-coach party. so much ephing oc buzz i'm about to od on the hottness. i'm guessing all of the oc cast will be there, bilson/brody/chino/mischas barfin/schwartz/etc. sfb! postal service mystery buzz as well. topps.

saturday, the best lawn ever will be revealed at the polo. sat night i'm told a hott party is also in the cards featuring people much cooler than i. can't wait to see r-head & the cure.

why is beck playing again at coach? he's got no buzz anymore. hopefully it's nothing but nothing from sea changes played.

best week(end) ever!

cheers!

mathers is the new durst

2004-04-28T19:03:00.000+03:00

it's my last day at work today then tomorrow it's off to cali for some hottness in la, then palm springs/indio for coachella. mmmmbest! i'm hoping the usa today/ap oc post no-buzz polls will be posted tomorrow (provided the pollsters aren't hungoves).

1st off, huge props to kerry at so says i for hooking up green room guest buzzzzzz for tomorrow's jimmy kimmel show, featuring the faces of so says i, the blueprint, whatevs, & retrobuzz. celeb guests are vanessa marcil, david duchovney & musical guest snow patrol. mmmmBEST! so much buzz, i can't wait.

speaking of the kimmel show, rachel bilson was on the show last night & it was hott! you know i taped that shite! kimmel was asking questions about her & adam brody the oc show couple, about their real-life relationship, & brody's serious coke habit. not much revealed. she didn't mention any damore lusting wishes per se, but i'm still optimistic. stephen colbert from the daily show was on as well, & he was hilarious. stephen & bilson did a funny scene where stephen said 'ew! ew! ew!' in a feminine voice & rachel lip-synched to it. it doesn't get much better than that.

friday in palm springs-so much party buzz. looks like we might be partying at a swanky pre-coach kick-off dealie. dj'ing by none other than dntel's/postal service's jimmy tamberello. mmmmBUZZ! no word on whether ben gibbard will be hanging out there & do a couple postal service tracks or not. wouldn't that be best though?

vote detroit...for the future site of the beer hall of fame (via the gorilla)

the pollsters just sent me their oc pre-no buzz rankings for 'the strip':

4/28/04 AP Pre-No Buzz Poll - The OC 'The Strip'
1) Aunt Cindy (72)- Go get drunk somewhere not in the OC.
2) Theresa (67)- Get your own pool house.
3) Summer (44)- So your dad doesn't like Cohen, he loves cocaine and you don't, what's the big deal?
4) Chino (31)- Arr.
5) Caleb (21)- I'm rich, I'm old, etc.

4/28/04 USA Today Pre-No Buzz Poll - The OC 'The Strip'
1) theresa (79)- pregnant tranny--is that possible? maybe in chino. is it eddie's, who wants that future for their kid?
2) chino (63)- now it's your turn to screw things up w/ coop. broodingly.
3) julie coop (45)- get drunk & walk off a cliff while listening to some seger.
4) cohen (41)- you should think about getting your mouth wired shut. i know a good dentist, get you a good price.
5) caleb (32)- so desperate, so worst ever. stop pretending to be young, move to florida & die.

i'll try to add some graphics of some sort later.

no time for luv dr. jones

2004-04-28T02:05:00.000+03:00

-don't forget, rachel bilson is on the jimmy kimmel show tonight, abc stizz. ps...i love you. mmmmbest!

-breaking buzz from *trusted source that the season1 oc dvd's will be released in october. shmears.
* & by trusted source, i mean i just made that up

-josh schwartz is *confirmed to be attending coachella this weekend. no word on bilson/brody/barfin/chino, but my guess is that brody/bilson will be revealed catching phantom planet, dcfc & ash sets, maybe bob seger too. forsher. oc buzz. no word on eliza dushku's attendance either. where else would i run into my future wife?
* & by confirmed, i mean i just made that up too

-retrobuzz brand tee's/hat/thongs/& other assorted crap are now available for sale on-line. i got the initial (& only) press tee today. buzzzzzz.

-2 posts forsher tomorrow, like i'm actually going to get work done. hopefully i'll be able to post the pollsters post oc no buzz rankings thurs am, maybe a brief tru calling capsule as well. we'll see.

jump.jump.jump up for my love

2004-04-27T15:47:00.000+03:00

in the second worst possible news ever (the worst being r-head won't be able to perform at coach), thom yorke's voice is ephed up w/ a viral infection & had to cancel their aussie show. he's on antibiotics, taking the week off & should be ready for coachella this weekend. at least he's not in rehab. one can only hope robert smith, tim wheeler, frank black, & ben gibbard don't all contract the white stripes virus before coachella.

i'm about to lose control & i think i like it. what a shame. youngest pointer sister, june pointer whitmore, was arrested in la last week on cocaine possession charges. also revealed in the article is the fact that the pointer sisters have not performed in 3 years. 2001, really? i thought they pretty much gave up after bev hills cop 2.

even baby-boomers can't resist the medicinal benefits of cocaine. extra alertness, extra energy, & the euphoria. ah, the euphoria. if only someone would legalize it.

i saw this on so says i yesterday & felt very badly. college girl mysteriously dies at a slipnot show at harpos in detroit. my condolences to her family & friends (seriously), & a warning to all 4 of you reading this: don't go to harpos...ever, & don't listen to slipnot. bad shite will happen to good people. i've never been to harpos, but was tempted a couple years ago when skid row was touring again. not even a reunion of diamond dave & van ephing halen could get me there.

lastly, i've been waiting for a response back on the following, but i'll post anyway. i'm a big fan of the real detroit's shannon mccarthy, but i nearly choked myself laughing while reading her review of franz ferdinand in last week's real detroit. she sounds like she's apologizing a bit for liking their album. this email was actually sent, unlike most of the other fake emails i post on here. never mind my ego stroking, i'm just trying not to sound like a jagoff so i can get some sort of response from her. but i did think that the best listening experience was anything else.

damore wrote:
Date: Sun, 25 Apr 2004 14:38:19 -0700 (PDT)
From: damore
Subject: Franz Ferdinand review
To: shannon@getrealdetroit.com

Hi Shannon, I have been a fan of yours' & your music reviews for Real Detroit for some time now. I have always found you to have been right-on in your musical critiques, & I have usually agreed with & often followed your review recommendations on new releases.

However, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw your review of Franz Ferdinand's album in the current issue of Real Detroit. I was disappointed to see that even the mighty Shannon McCarthy, Queen of Detroit music reviews had even bought into this post-punk band of mediocrity. I couldn't disagree more w/ your rating of 4.5/5 for this album. I know there is a heavy buzz & over-hype in the blogger & British music press scenes, & for that I am largely disappointed. This is a band that is about 2 years late to the retro post-punk-dance rock party. Strokes were arguably best (prior to 'Room on Fire'), Interpol is less fun but much better, and the Rapture does it much better & more fun.

I'm hoping an intern wrote this review for you & attached your name to it because you were busy pre-viewing the new Ash album, or something else good. Hopefully this is a short-lived phase & not indicative of the types of reviews to come in the future. Franz Ferdinand has no retro buzz.

That being said, I still look forward to your future reviews & interviews in Real Detroit Weekly. I'll just be a little more cautious when deciding whether to follow your music picks.

Best regards,
Damore

no buzz 4/26/04

2004-04-27T02:45:00.000+03:00

1) d12/eminem- 'my band'=WORST single of the year! d12's 'world'=WORST album of the year, any year! if you like eminem, god have mercy on your soul, if you still have one. i'm soooo sick of eminem contributing his crappy vocals/facetime to his untalented friends' groups (who also happen to be on his crappy label) to push exposure. i can't decide who's worst: eminem, kid rock, uncle kracker, ryan seacrest, or durst? when is eminem's vanilla ice plunge going to finally kick in? i love detroit, but why are all of famous musicians/bands nothing but douchebag wannabe tourists?

2) 'surviving nugent'-vh1's new reality tv show featuring jackson, mi native rocker ted nugent. i hate the idea already. seven tourists have to be able to sit through 10 consecutive listenings of the damn yankee's 'don't tread' & 'essentials' albums, all while uncle ted throws dead animal carcasses at them, chases them around the ranch in a camo'ed out monster truck, & shoots cross-bow arrows at them while they're all drunk.

i'm from the d, so i'm supposed to like nugent. he's an ephing prick, his music blows, & he never shuts up about hunting. yeah, you like to hunt, great. if others do, cool. just don't shove that krunk down my throat preaching about how noble you are cos you 'live off of the land'. ted likes to kill shit. plain & simple. i like vh1, but can't believe they produced this jackson-michigan-abortion-clinic of a show. i would have aborted pre-fetus. shmears.

3) punk'd-season3-i thought it was cancelled? nope, ashton kutcher goes for even more tired & lame 'punkings' on his celeb friends. i saw the ep w/ chandler from friends & it was complete deja vu. chandler & friend go to a shady car garage to buy an expensive sportscar when it's suddenly raided by the cops. wow, haven't seen that same premise 12 times already in seasons 1-2. next, adam brody is all coked-up in some restaurant & gets punk'd when a girl (who's engaged) is all over him. brody's sporting a wool winter cap, in la, hanging w/ josh db schwartz. trying to cover the hair plugs or what? no buzz. it should have been something like 'your family just died in a car accident' or 'your girlfriend just left w/ some other dude'. brody ends up telling the girl's-fiance's-friend to 'step-off'. lamest ep ever.

4) loretta lynn/jack white collaboration-note to world: jack white the artist blows. jack white the producer blows. jack white the f*cking student blows. jack white the tv/vcr repairman blows. jack white the everything blows. i've heard some 'pieces' from this album, & it is not good. i knew it was an omen when the crappy indie-gone-wired-starbucks down the street from my flat had mini-promo posters of loretta's album all over the tables a couple weeks ago.

if you like it, i'll bet you'll be drinking yourself silly in 6 month's asking yourself, 'why, why god why did i think i like this album?!' i'm not knocking loretta lynn per se. she's classic. not my pint of lager, but whatevs. i will say she was pretty savvy to have jack put his brand of stink all over her album to boast the audience & mainstream appeal. i would've had more respect for her had it been a secret producer deal, not leaked/released until much later. i would have thought, 'hmmm, it sucks, but it's something different for her.'

5) eli manning- the nfl's #1 pick in the 2004 draft. didn't want to play for san diego, so he weasled his way to make a trade possible to the ny giants instead. his thought was that san diego is still developing, & the giants were a better situation for him to play in. um, san diego has a top3 running back in the league, a better offensive line, a better receiving corp, & a better defense. the giants have no offensive line, an average running back, & decent wide-outs. you're a pussy eli. you should have said, 'i'll go wherevs, be the best ephing quarterback, win alot, & eph all of your bitches, bitches!'. just who most people would want leading their team: a scared, notso confident primadonna. your going to love all of the media coverage in nyc after your 1st 5-pick game this year. your dad was a career loser. your brother can't win in the playoffs. you're gonna be a loser. some pedigree.

monday is the new 'turn & cough'

2004-04-26T20:45:00.000+03:00

the snow patrol show sat 4/24 at the shelter was great. the opener carina round was decent, but the lead singer was a bit awkward & funny. she started off by saying, 'your city is weird'. realizing the audience didn't know exactly what to make of her statement, she apologized several times during their set to clarify she meant that as a compliment. she should have said 'eph you & your ephing weird city' w/out apology.

snow patrizz stormed the stage & rocked out initially w/out saying a word, which i think is pretty cool when bands do that (see set-list below). singer/guitarist gary lightbody was pretty funny saying, 'we've read alot about detroit. the nme still writes everyday about the fight between those two guys from detroit. have you heard of nme? was that fight as big of a deal in detroit as the press make it out to be?'. at this point i was in front of the stage & yelled out, 'no! jack white has no buzz! white stripes blow!'. they laughed, but the audience wasn't too amused cos i think they all like the white stripes.

their set was ~1 hour, & they showed alot of energy to try & get the crowd into it, which was maybe 150 strong. most seemed to be into it. towards the end of their set, they revealed that will be back in detroit on tour in sept, if people wanted to see them again. to which i blurted out 'jimmy kimmel show this thursday!', & one of them says, 'yeah, we just watched his show for the 1st time last night. cheers.' the sound at the shelter wasn't great, as the vocals & lead guitar could have been a little louder. hopefully their next show will be at the magic stick or at st andrews. i'm hoping i'll be able to get audience tix to the show when i'm in la thurs. too bad nascar driver jeff gorden is the main guest on weds--i'm a huge nascar fan, so i'll miss that by 1 day. walmarts! & i'll just miss the oc's rachel bilson by 2 days (she's on tues 4/27). but i'm sure i'll see her & her cokehead boyfriend adam brody at coachella checking out ash/dcfc/etc sets. thursday's guests are david duchovny, the tastey vanessa marcil, & snow patrol. solid.

set-list
1 wow
2 gleaming auction
3 spitting games
4 one night
5 how to be dead
6 chocolate
7 olive grove
8 same
9 somewhere
10 ways & means
11 run
12 black & blue
13 tlf

so slammed at work today. all i want to do is look busy mon-weds but i actually have some real work to complete. durst. lots to cover...later.

give me a break

2004-04-23T18:56:00.000+03:00

oc wrap party buzz
the oc wrap party was written up yesterday by sub-extraordinaire megan over at the blueprint, but i'm always a day late/dollar short. bilson doesn't reveal much about the last couple eps, but chino & sandy (ben mackenzie & peter gallagher) reveal a pregnancy/cliffhanger in the finale. wow, never could have guessed that. just guessing, maybe ryan has to pick between coop/theresa, cos he got theresa preggers back when they together at the motel? probably. or maybe ju-ju is preggers w/ luke's kid? probably not.
*oc buzzage via the grizz

SO MUCH BUZZ!!!! rachel bilson will be guesting on the jimmy kimmel show next weds, 4/28. mmmmBEST! too bad i don't get into la until the day after (sigh).

doors/astbury- good interview w/ the cult's ian astbury on his role in the doors. i'm looking forward to seeing them in concert again. their tour last year was outstanding. if you don't like the doors, blow me. mr mojo risin is irreplaceable, but ian astbury brought the voice, the look & swagger, & chaotic spirit of morrison pretty well for a sub. no plans yet to release new doors material, but astbury has been working on a solo record. demos have been made w/ the likes of gorden raphael (strokes) & james lavelle (unkle).

wk buzz!!---w-best to star host a new advice/video show on mtv2, 'your friend, andrew wk', 'which will debut may 22. wk will answer emails from viewers submitted via mtv2.com and will also deal directly w/ fans on each ep...wk said, 'the show shouldn't be about ME, it should be about US', and that's the way it works...i don't know if i'm really qualified to be giving someone advice, but since people are asking for it, i'm going to do the best i can to help them out!'
*wk buzzage via the grizz

strokes +xbox=no buzz
tues 4/27, singer julian & fab will compete in xbox game w/ fame, by playing baseball & tennis games vs fans online. 'newyorkcitycops' is their name, & also their best song which should've made the 1st cut of 'is this it?' if they weren't such pussbags. gamecube all the way. they should be playing 'the party'!

tru travesty

2004-04-22T22:35:00.000+03:00

fox...why must you torment me so much?! fox released their early renewals for the 2004-2005 season...the oc, bernie mac, 24, & malcolm in the ephing middle. no tru calling...yet. wtf?! the rest of the '04-'05 renewals will be announced on may 20th. the oc is obvs. 24...i don't like/don't watch--but it's obvs, bernie mac--obvs. malcolm in the middle. renewed. tru calling. not renewed (yet). frankie db muniz. has a job. dushku. in limbo. are fox execs retarded? tru calling is the best show...ever.
(thanks to nummer for this depressing buzz kill)

the thoughts on the last night's the oc- 'the shower'
1) love the opening family kitchen scenes. good music, witty banter
2) seth-funny for a change going through the new family tree
3) theresa- yep, you're engaged to a wife-beater.
4) bob seger ref's=best. is ju-ju coop the reason luke was so into seger? seger is good, but rock&roll hall of fame good? nope.
5) um, julie...you have zero friends. kirsten was tanked when she agreed to be you maid of honor.
6) coffee has no buzz, chino/coop should be drinking sparks, or at least 40's.
7) summer, so best!
8) even cohen knows chino is too brooding
9) cohen-lunch w/ mr roberts, not such a good idea. he doesn't want to hear about rooney & comic books.
10) theresa- die! die! die! get out of the oc.
11) celery's gay--who knew.
12) cohen, ditch the rooney poster in your room fcs!
13) jimmy--about time you started tapping that ass (haley)
14) coop- so happy & coy, & not annoying. did she hit up sonic burger today?
15) kirsten boozing it up. awesome. but what, no sparks in the oc?
16) coop to julie 'actually i came by to sabotage your wedding shower by inviting aunt cindy'. so mean. so best.
17) aunt cindy- so trashy, so vulgar, so hates julie.
18) def leppard resets=gold. hysteria...top 5 in 87.
19) cindy's 'libra...always a hottie' t-shirt. durst.
20) chrismakkuh explanation=not good topic. mr roberts would rather talk about the merits of ben gibbard & james mercer.
21) haley- slllllut!
22) coop- fun, laughing, eating cake. eat more often.
23) fox2 problem solvers commercial---F*CK OFF! (i'm wasted at this point)
24) seth-shut-up, i'm pretty sure summer's dad hates you.
25) theresa/chino- both brooding now. why is theresa's voice so deep? tranny? is that why eddie popped you? 'dicks w/ chicks, guy's w/ boobs. we could get girls w/ pussies in detroit'-taxi cab confessions reset sorry.
26) coop, don't be jealous, chinos' stick together.
27) julie coop-'is it too early to start drinking?' nope, never. but shagging in monster trucks? walmarts.
28) chuck woolery & rick springfield resets? absopurely best
29) jimmy-haley is a whore. duh. enjoy it for what it is. she's going to ruin the lighthouse selling speedball & sex.
30) caleb- so desparate. he'd hump a coffee table if he had to. ikeas or pottery barns. even targets!
31) summer-no one's good enough for your dad. your dad's in love w/ you
32) chino-don't invite theresa to move-in. tell her to move-in w/ luke in portland, listening to seger's 'night moves' & luke's dad w/ his partner.

the polls have spoken

2004-04-22T17:32:00.000+03:00

4/23/04 AP Post-No Buzz Poll - The OC 'The Shower'
1) Aunt Cindy (72)- More useless than Luke's gay dad bit.
2) Theresa (67)- Apparently the only thing to do in Chino when in trouble is move in with the Cohen's, try something different sweetie before the AP gives you a matching set of black eyes.
3) Summer (44)- Could your character have anymore drastic changes?
4) Chino (31)- Don't even know where to start.
5) The Underscore (21)-Some of the worst music cues ever to have been used on televison.
*1st place votes indicated in parenthesis

4/23/04 USA Today Post-No Buzz Poll - The OC 'The Shower'
1) Theresa (91)-maybe 'walmarts eddie' discovered captain winkee? very deep voice. moving to oc=bad, suicide=best
2) Cohen (74)-way to go dumbass, you blew it w/ summer's dad. i know one usa today pollster who's sitting pretty in the on-deck circle for miss roberts' attention.
3) Eddie (55)-wasn't even in the episode, but i could still see the full wardrobe of walmarts wifebeaters.
4) Julie Coop (51)-sllllllllutttt!!!!
5) Caleb (34)-getting married in 2 weeks? he's tired of wasting his viagra & jergens on the home shopping network programming.
5) Chino (34)-inviting your ex-girlfriend to live w/ you in the poolhouse. smart.
*1st place votes indicated in parenthesis

any thoughts? backblog it.

more oral pleasuring. kwobvs

2004-04-22T16:29:00.000+03:00

i thought this is pretty funny. mischa's barfin has been banned from clothing store fred segal for lighting the store up in print. hopefully walmarts doesn't see my blog. i buy all of my wifebeaters there. fred segal, no buzz. do they like have a pic of mischa on wall of shame in the store? i would've thanked her for the publicity & sent her some free stuff (link via so says i)

hello fox, the fat albert movie w/out bill cosby=WORST IDEA EVER. no one cares. no retrobuzz. add in aaron carter & the another boy-band pussbag i've never heard of & it's a topeka 1972 back-alley abortion. i know cosby is busy w/ the obvs in '04 campaign, the many gang-bangs & all, but it just won't be the same. bizzle bozzle!

while i don't like nyc mayor bloomberg, mostly because of the smoking ban in bars (for which it only really effects me for the 3 day's i'm there each year), i never really liked snapple beverages much. they had the worst commercials. snapple's trying to become 'big apple', the official beverage of nyc. worst. obvs that girl is already spoken for...sparks.

what would life in the d be w/out another scandel development (well, not really a new one) in the mayor's office? stripper allegedly dances at a private party at the mayor's mansion. stripper's show name is 'strawberry'. strawberry dies. cops investigate death/link to mayor kwame kilpatrick. investigating cop x-ferred to another job for mis-spelling 'homicide' & other grammatical mistakes. sounds legit. cop sues kwame. it's a very sexy administration, probably the sexiest ever. dar-yl, dar-yl, dar-yl. kwobvs.

more oc related material to be posted later today.

more nonsense

2004-04-21T22:42:00.000+03:00

happy birthday props today to peabs over at sstp. show him some love & tell him how sweet he is. even if it is a lie.

snow patrol's song 'spitting games' was featured on last night's one tree hill ep. the 2nd ep they've been featured in (i think). i believe the 1st was 'tiny little fractures' a couple weeks back. yes, i watch one-tree hill, i'm a loser, & i'm comfortable w/ it. anyway, i'm excited for their show this sat 4/24 at the shelter. i don't understand the coldplay comparisons, other than they are english too. but i do think they sound a little like pete yorn & idlewild, which is good. after reading concert write-up's on karen+1 & 5500 this past week, i'm expecting major buzz revealed.

watched jon stewart's daily show last night & found a couple items to be hilarious:
'what the f*ck does george tenet have to do to get fired?!'- stewart commenting on the bob woodward 60min piece where tenet was described as emphatically telling bush that finding weapons of mass destruction in iraq would be a 'slam dunk'.

rob corddry reading excerpts from colin powell's 'hello kity diary'. best.

some oc buzz

2004-04-21T19:37:00.000+03:00

some more oc buzz in today's usa today/freep (link courtesy of bigmatt at mc rocks)

speaking of usa today, the pollsters just sent me their pre-'the shower' oc no-buzz rankings.

4/22/04 USA TODAY Pre-No Buzz Poll - The OC 'The Shower'
1) Eddie (99)-beating up your fiance, in a wife-beater no less. pure irony. walmarts!
2) Theresa (75)-what did you think eddie was like? he wears wife-beaters even in the shower.
3) Julie Coop (48)-don't be embarassed, we all knew you were always a tramp. c'mon, you were shagging your daughter's ex-ex fcs.
4) Chino (36)-killing eddie would be fun & all, but is theresa worth years of the worstevs type of sex? prison sex=no buzz.
5) Cohen (29)-less talking. no comic books, no rooney. stick to what you know. more death cab & shins.
*1st place votes indicated in parenthesis

Note-worthy- Coop trying to ruin her mom's wedding, that's totally best. 1st time coop has dropped out of the top5. pollsters sound very enthusiastic about this ep. i don't think it was just that they were noticably drunk when they voted. i'm optimistic this ep will be the best in weeks.

4/22/04 AP Pre-No Buzz Poll - The OC 'The Shower'
1) Theresa (82)-The show is called THE OC, not The Chino. go away.
2) Eddie (62)-Nice stash dip shit.
3) Caleb (41)-Marry sluts much?
4) Chino (27)-Can you come up with another brooding look?
5) Julie Cooper (17)-What's next a threesome with your daughter and
Caleb?
*1st place votes indicated in parenthesis

the ap pollsters once again show why they are the oc masters. concise, cutting, & funny. amazingly, the AP'sters & the USA Today'sters agreed on coop falling out of the top5. theresa & eddie are flip-flipped 1 & 2. Only difference in the top5's are caleb at #3 slot in the AP, & cohen in #5 slot in usa today.

more buzz than 80 on rumblestrips

2004-04-21T15:53:00.000+03:00

finally a tarantino guest app that doesn't suck...darkness, la, kimmel. well, 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

ash buzz!! sfbest! skywalker ranch...finally george lucas has some buzz. new single 'orpheus' is released may 3rd, new album 'meltdown' to be released may 17 in uk (amazon.uk is so warranted). i assume from the cryptic talk wheeler & co are in talks w/ lucas to use some ash songs in star wars games or the final star wars movie. best! while i think chris martin the person blows, i'm looking forward to hearing him teamed up w/ ash to cover the buzzcock's 'everybody's happy nowadays' for yet another upcoming blank-of-the-dead zombie movie, 'shaun of the dead'--for which i have no energy to research.

head's-up uncle grambo! liz phair & nina persson to head-line this summer's 'chicks w/ attitude' tour. there will be a detroit date. despite the maybe it's maybelline tour sponsership, i say mmmmBUZZ

mmmmWORST!

2004-04-20T21:05:00.000+03:00

durstocity continues...

someone phone those ephing tourists in franz ferdinand & explain that changing their name doesn't make them any less worst. 'the black hands'? i was thinking 'the hands that wank'.

also, playing accoustic parking lot sets at sold-out shows has no buzz. you're supposed to show up to packed shows (if even at all) 3 hours late, so drunk you can't remember lyrics properly, & play really loud. go back to prep school you ephing students.

worst news of the day. apparently fox suits & schwartz have been reading retrobuzz of late. revealed in today's usa today is that season 2 of the oc will not air until november. must be re-working story lines, scripts, putting together a job offer for damore, etc. hopefully fox will spend some more time working on & promoting tru calling, the best show ever. sfbovs.

*thx to bigmatt & the grizz for the respective news above

no buzz- 4/20/04

2004-04-20T18:32:00.000+03:00

1.) alex rodriguez- way to hit douchehead. maybe moving into the same city as your boyfriend jeter wasn't such a good idea after all? seers, maybe it's the lack of roids rage that has knocked down your power.

whatever it is, you're stinking up metro nyc pretty badly there chief. making $22mil this year, hitting .160 w/ 1 hr & 3 rbi, ouch. you'll likely rebound from your ephing bronx-alley abortion of a start, but you're not going to win a world series ring...ever. that's right, you're cursed. you screwed the yanks when you joined them this winter.

2.) josh schwartz- the oc creater/exec whatevs- i know you're young & considered the golden boy at fox & the next aaron spelling by most, but you're blowing it. the oc has gone from must-see to must-skip towards the end of its 1st season. i don't know if it's too much control by the network, or too much pressure on you to make each episode funny/compelling/original, yet w/ mass appeal? here's a couple fundamental story-line mistakes i believe happened (i could go on for hrs):
a) seth & summer- happened too quickly. seth & anna should have dated throughout the remainder of season 1, & built anticipation buzz for season 2 summer/seth. plus, cohen gets some needed experience in the process, training to be w/ summer. you blew your load too quickly, & now storylines are bland at best.
b) summer roberts- gone from best character (not just hottest) on the show to merely eye candy. she started out as beautiful/ self-absorbed/bitchy/witty/wild, but w/ mysterious depth. now she's 'domesticated' as cohen's boring side-kick. no more parties, no more catfights, no more fun.
c) sandy & hott co-worker- i thought the office flirting of sandy & whatever-her-name-is should have gone on longer. kirsten's drinking problem would've worsened, become more erratic, more oc-like.
d) luke & co- became insta-best friends w/ the gang once his dad was revealed as gay. he was better as the cool jock who butted heads w/ seth/chino. should've become sorta friends season1, better friends in 2.

my biggest problem was that it was storied as if there is only one season. needed more patience to let things develop. but maybe that's why he's writing for 10mil on fox & i'm writing for 4 on my blog.

3) dwight howard- high-schooler likely to be the 1st pick in the 2004 nba draft- you want to do what w/ the nba's logo--you want to put a cross on it? howard listed as a goal for ~2007 to have influenced the nba enough to have gotten a cross placed on the nba's official logo.

um, i'm pretty sure that not every person in the nba is a christian, even if they all were, why should it be on the logo? everyone loves curly fries, should that be on the logo too? but i don't even believe in jebus! oh great, another boring nba star. just don't pull a len bias & die of a coke od 3 days after draft night.

4) jesus- since that movie about him recently came out, everything is jesus h this & jesus h that. driving by a church baring a billboard directing me to go see 'passion of the christ', very annoying. this guy died 2000 yrs ago, now i'm supposed to be all about him because of some movie by the loon in lethal weapon?

5) spring movies- the alamo- spent 2 hrs just to find they don't even answer the only question you care about--is pee-wee's bike really in the basement? 13 going on 30- i liked it when it was called big. i thought these types of movies went out in the 80's. what's next, ashton kutcher & peter gallagher are a father/son duo who accidentally trade bodies when a science experiment goes wrong?

mondays blow

2004-04-19T19:28:00.000+03:00

dando buzz- rumor has it the lemonheads are getting back together & will start touring in south america next month. dando has some solo shows booked in the us, but would not confirm the rumors. hopefully they do reform, dando gets back off the smack, & juliana hatfield remains in the line-up. after seeing a disheveled dando at 2 shows last summer, he looked more ephed up on drugs than adam brody at a fox network summer coke party. shmears.

-guest editors- it's cool on blogs, but notso much in newspapers. this week everyone's favorite crap-band franz ferdinand is branching out from displaying a lack of musical talent, to guest editorship of the guardian's art section, g2. bunch of ephing tourists! one can only hope they won't be revealed as guest editors of the blueprint this month.

-may20th- so much buzz- the velvet revolver tour hits detroit, i've heard the state theatre, but that's not confirmed. the stp/gnr hybrid band will reportedly be playing old stp/gnr songs, in addition to tracks from their forthcoming album 'contraband', due out 5/18. i've only heard a couple tracks of their's, but it sounds awesome--heavy stp. the video for the 1st single, 'slither', premiere's 4/27 at 9pm on mtv2. too bad the tour will already cancelled before it even hits detroit. obvs, weiland will eph-up his 12th chance in minneapolis or chicago by getting caught buying/using heroin, guarenteed.

-maybe it was just me, but i was forced into violent wretching last night upon seeing a promo comercial for 'the practice', whereby a rival law firm is headed by william shatner. as if the show wasn't over 2 years ago, this is just another pathetic attempt to try & muster up some guest app buzz (ie sharon stone, spader, etc). shatner/priceline.com, no buzz. although i was glad to see you can finally view flight times on their site. 6am flights to & from nyc blow. dr jack kevorkian would be a more suitable guest star for the final season. he could attach a suicide machine to david e kelly. too bad he's in prison still.

*thanks for nothing fox! wb rips-off fox & will air 7 eps of 'the wb superstar usa', william hung style. um, worst.

*also revealed is some oc buzz...ch-check it out. beasties, so overdue.
*oc/bill hung buzz courtesy of the grizz

happy 37th, go drink some sparks

2004-04-17T17:54:00.000+03:00

saturday mornings, no buzz when you're at work.

happy birthday to liz phair, who turned 37 today. is there a hotter 37 yr old mom? somewhere uncle grambo is writing love haiku's to post on whatevs in her honor today.

good luck w/ those, i hope they end up better than the one's you wrote for bynes when she turned 18 & better than the current rough drafts for the olsen twins' 613 b-day celebration. shmears.

welcome to the onyx whore-tel

2004-04-16T22:09:00.000+03:00

if you hate long stories w/ no pay-off, or don't like damore rants or britney, i suggest you skip this piece.

as reported yesterday, i went to the britney spears onyx whore-tel show at the palace on weds. i knew it was going to be hott when we stopped at 7-11 close to the venue & hottness was totally revealed. girls' totally slutted out, brit stizz. we bought a couple 40's, a sixer, & grumbo bought some pez dispensers for the ladies, which ended up being better than curly fries.

parking was an absurd $15, but well worth it. the lot was filled w/ hotties from 18-25 age demo. driving through the lot, it was like parting the red sea, except instead of water, this was pure hottness. pre-show partying boasted drinking 40's, tailgating surrounded by scores of under-21 hott girls. i ended up having an extra ticket to the show, so i was walking into the epicenter of hottness trying to sell the xtra. most had tix, or needed 2 tix together. 1 white-hott young milf (wearing a blond britney wig) needed 2 for her & her son. i couldn't part w/ both, so i had to pass.

the 2 horrible openers (kellis & someone as terrible) were winding down & we started to make our way up to the entrance. girls were getting their cameras taken by security left & right, & had to take them back to their cars. a trio of 20 year-old hottness asked me to take a few pics of them, & i happily obliged. after digging around for my tix for a moment, i realized i didn't have my tix w/ me after all. i thought i probably forgot them at home. these 3 vixens had extras, & offered me a free club level ticket to the show. how best is that? i checked back in the car & ended up finding my tix afterall. i decided to sell my 2 tix, & keep the single.

i was just about to say eph it & eat the 2 tix, when the hott young milf & luggage came up & asked to buy 2 tix from me. i cut them a break, $80 for both. best, paid for 1 ticket, & kicked $10 toward the cost of my ticket price. i met up w/ the FOW crew pre-britney, then attempted to sit w/ seantizz & grambo, but that was thwarted when the persons i sold tix to rolled up. so i went to sit w/ the 3 vixens & their friends. as a nice gesture, i bought them a round of beers to say thx for the ticket. they were pretty wasted already, & excited to get drinks. the girls were partying hardcore, & totally rolled-out the welcome mat for me big time.

we're having a good time, & then the losers next to us started talking shite to us about being in the wrong seats & crowding them, blah blah blah. we were in the right sect/row, but some db's had taken our specific seats. the girls i was w/ went ape-shit on the other girls, saying, 'what's your damage? f*cking relax, it's a britney spears' concert, just f*cking shut-up & party!'. that went over real well, & a majorly hott catfight was about to ensue. the token drunk db they were w/ started talking shit to me, & i'm like 'sit down junior & shut the f*ck up. just party man.' the tension was getting pretty heavy, then the girls started talking more shit to eachother, which was hilarious. finally, the girls in our seats moved to their own seats, & an auburn hills back-alley abortion was averted.

smoking cig's, dancing w/ these party girls was a major perk. overall the show/set list was pretty much the same as the blowtime special from a couple wks ago. i was distracted the entire show, so i don't remember the set-list (i know toxic was 1st, baby one more time was 3rd & was slow & jazz'ish). beer lines were short, which was nice too. if you want to read a real review, check out graham's write-up in detnews, it's much better than db brian mccollum's in the freep. i don't know what show that schmuck was at, but i didn't see any kids crying or parents outraged. if so, who cares? wtf, these outraged parents' would have to be the biggest ephing morons to take their under-10 kids to a britney sex concert. you want safe, go see kenny loggins on tour this summer.

bad drunk dialing got you down?

2004-04-16T17:22:00.000+03:00

dwinkers buzz: the best new site the web has to offer is updated, w/ new entertaining & extremely useful pieces, such as 'the art of drunk dialing', 'man ends 15-year-old struggle w/ video game', & 'breeding is definitely in season'.

check out dwinkerswinkers' new addition called 'blinded by science'. you can submit science type questions to dwinkers' resident phd, dr. niu wang. questions like, how many licks does actually take to get to the center of a tootsie-roll tootsie-pop? or whatever.

congrats to jorge bell on his acceptance of a cabinet position of some sort w/ peabs/cosby & the obvs in 04 campaign. bell is a sly move, since most say he hasn't had any buzz since he won the american league mvp in 1987 on the blue jays.

no buzz-the oc

2004-04-16T04:03:00.000+03:00

4/15/04 USA TODAY Post-No Buzz Poll - The OC 'The Proposal'
1) Luke (52)-you're 'in love w/ julie cooper?'. 'julie, i'm leaving tomorrow...i'm coming to see you...you owe me a goodbye!'. i hope you die of syph in portland bitch.
1) Coop (52)-why do you care about luke? he ephed you, your friend, then he ephed your mom. you survived another ep, keep purging! & someday soon you'll finally die.
1) Chino (52)-boring & brooding, you should've been in the truck w/ luke too, brooding & pulse-less.
1) Julie Cooper (52)-making wise-cracks about kirsten's drinking, screwing caleb's old bones is the best you can hope for.
5.) Jimmy Cooper (27)-thanks for stopping by jimmy, now get the f*ck out!

the usa today pollsters are totally pissed off. a 4-way 1st place tie is insane. & these are the edited comments. the oc has been buzzless for awhile now. these kids to need to start having unprotected sex w/ numerous strangers, hosting 'white parties' in the oc, & much more binge drinking. a wasted coop is much better than a crying coop. it also gets us closer to a dead coop.

what's best: summer dissing cohen, her 'wink wink' t-shirt, luke listening to seger's 'night moves' drinking 40's hanging out in the park (as suggested by bigmatt at motorcityrocks), luke kicking the shite out of his truck, kirsten getting wasted, sandy cohen, 'welcome to portland bitch', the lighthouse, & summer roberts.

what's worst: how long before luke & coop start dating again? coop blaming her mom for 'almost killing luke', caleb bonding w/ coop & black-mailing her, coop's endless crying, care bears, cohen cohen cohen, caleb caleb caleb, coop coop coop, julie coop julie coop julie coop, chino chino chino, adam brody's $2000/day coke habit

any thoughts? i leave you w/ this bilson hottness below, & a link to more oc hottness on 5500.

wrong turn?

2004-04-15T22:25:00.000+03:00

i received this wtf voicemail yesterday afternoon. i laughed easily for 10min, listening to it over & over some 8 times.

'you can hang-up this f*cking phone if you want to. don't call my house, molique will not be here anyway. so there is really no need for you to call back. 'cos that's the only person you care about. he's gonna be gone for a couple months at my cousin's. i let her keep him for 2 months. so there's no need for you to call back, ok. thank you. you have a good day.

go f*ck the other bitch that you've been f*cking. since that's all you think i'm doing is i'm f*cking somebody anyway. go have a good night w/ her.'

best v-mail ever! sorry for another pointless post but i'm trying to keep all 4 of you mildly entertained until i post properly later tonight.

on a completely unrelated topic, happy b-day to the real janelle over at the real janelle. your state is orange, go out & drink some sparks to celebrate!

this just in, rehab has now tossed the virtual salad for wilco fans. 8 shows cancelled on their tour, including coachella. can i get a 'f*cking goddammit!'?

news (via the grizz), brmc splits from record label, virgin. good move i think. hopefully it doesn't impact their summer palooza tour plans, brmc/rapture tour, or coachella. i think they'll have to rough it a little more, until they get picked up. god i hope their 3rd album is not another ode to j&mc.

sorry, this isn't a post to give a band head or anything....
not a bunch of ephing tourists...local faves last tourist have lined-up a solid opening gig for the cosmic rough riders, may 17 at smalls. congrats, you bunch of ephing students!

what's up ladies, what's up sluts?

2004-04-15T17:19:00.000+03:00

yesterday, so much buzz. today, notso much. in fact, today might be the worst day evs. work...is there anything worse? i seriously liked the 5 months i was unemployed in 2002. i didn't like moving back into my mom's house at 25, but life was so simple then. sleep-in everyday, scour the web for jobs, watch the practice on fx at 11, walk 7-8 miles, wait for friends' to get off work, party hard. lather, rinse, repeat. the not having money part sucked too, but it made it so easy to prioritize the essentials from the nonessentials.

so anyway, the britney spears show at the palace was best. not due to the music, or the show, but the entire experience. pre-show 40's buzz in the parking lot (12:51 & cabin fever buzz), multiple contributing-to-the-deliquency of multiple under 21 hotties, a free extra ticket to the show, post-show drinks in the birm, post-post-show-drinks dushku on kilborn's show, the oc (well, half of it anyway), so much buzz to be covered later. slammed at work today. nothing probably until late afternoon. patience my (4) pretties. the post show oc no buzz polls aren't expected to tallied until later as well. i think the usa today pollsters are hungover.

many thanks to uncle grambo & seantizz for dropping me off at my car mid-bar hopping. i caught dushku, it was a new kilborn show, & it was amazing. except for the part w/ the fat kid in stand by me-jerry whatevs.

last night's abortion clinic

2004-04-14T20:06:00.000+03:00

while i can't say i've seen an ep of real world-san diego, i will say that karen+1's recap of rw-sd (A-Muse-D) is highly entertaining. i look forward to not watching any future eps of the real world sd & will gladly settle for reading funny recaps. f*ck tivo, this is so much easier!

i don't like to wax political, like ever, but i did actually catch some of the gwbush address last night. what a db. asked about what his biggest mistake has been, he answered w/ something retarded like 'you mean other than trading sammy sosa to the white sox?'. that would have been hilarious in 1998 when anyone actually cared about baseball. 'wow, that's a great question. i wish i had that one in advance'. how about the whole gd intelligence breakdown in that 911 thing? how about the abortion known as not finding osama bin laden? how about not paying attention the f*cking us economy? how about the lies/exagerations about the weapons of 'mass destruction' in iraq, which have not, check that, will never be found in iraq?
he still maintained that they will be found in iraq. how about wasting all that time/money on mars/star wars defense?

catching my breath, that's alot of questions...or how about having absopurely no transition plan for the x-fer of control in iraq, almost 2 month's before we're supposedly exiting? lastly, best would have been, 'what have you really done to deserve a 2nd term?'. no, he just stood there stumped--was it really that unexpected to be asked that? i have bs pre-answers to that type of question for job interviews, & i'm a nobody...you're the f*cking president fcs!

my biggest problem was that numbnuts was so clueless/arrogant about it. no respect for him. admitting mistakes doesn't make you look foolish, only not doing so does. no one wants to hear a complete f*ck-up sit there all smugly & say 'everything's wonderful', when it's raining shit outside.

the gwbush quote of the day:
'a noble spirit embiggens us all'- as originally said by jebediah springfield

can't wait to see the daily show's coverage of this abortion of an address.

ouch!

2004-04-13T21:21:00.000+03:00

if you were looking forward to seeing muse finally on tour in the us again, this news won't cheer you up.

matt bellamy ephed up his face on-stage in atlanta last night. good luck. no details yet on impact to their tour dates.

*buzz courtesy of bigmatt & nummer.

no buzz 4.13

2004-04-13T19:21:00.000+03:00

as you can tell, i'm not a big fan of irreality tv. it's everywhere now.

1.) nick & jessica variety hour- most painful hour of tv each week? maybe, or a close 3rd to 'malcom in the middle', 'king of the hill', & the other shows i couldn't care any less about. this couple is on every mag cover now & all over mtv, etc. for what? a notso talented b-list 'musician' foolishly marry's a notso smart famous bombshell singer. j-simpson is nice to look at, but she's such a bitch, & so spoiled & stupid. she shouldn't be allowed to make fun of herself on tv, that's OUR job as american citizens. get that into the legislative process & you'll get my vote for pres.

2.) celeb irreality tv - nascar drivers, bobby/whitney, nick/jessica, trump, etc. no one really gives a damn about you, that's why you have to do reality tv. so why do so many tune in to see your show? plain & simple, cos it's on tv. it's not good, it's not funny. why do celebs do them? cos it makes them relevant again very quickly, which they can't do on their own.

nascar- if i can't bring myself to watch cars driving on tv, what makes them think i'm are going to care about what drivers do off the track. oh, right, all that white-trash demographic stuff. walmarts. good thing the drivers/fx were not able to strike a final deal & the show is sunk for now.

3.) the swan- this is the anti-christ of reality tv. what a great message fox is sending to young american girls. if you're not attractive by our impossibly high standards, just get some plastic surgery done. hopefully you can even get a tv network to foot the bill. all you have to do is sell your soul to rupert murdock & give-up all self-respect. what a stupid show. you're ugly, so we can make you hott & you'll be in beauty pageants. f*ck you!

4.) franzia- the franz ferdinand mobile abortion clinic hits detroit on 6/13 at the majestic theatre. if you thought their music is bad, well their tour fliers' are even worse--archduke franz & co on horses, chivalry-stizz. so durst, & i'm not referring to the blog of the same name. 613 is the new 911.

5.) 'no buzz lists' on blogs- no one cares what you think sucks.

irreality tv

2004-04-12T19:08:00.000+03:00

after being sick almost all last week, i decided to go out thurs/fri/sat nights. went to a concert on thurs, a b-day drinking bar night on both fri & sat. i'm right back to where i started last week. sick again. going to see killers/stellastarr* tonight shouldn't help health matters much either, but who ephing cares. what follows are some random drunk ideas i've recently compiled.

i've said it before, i've never really gotten into the whole reality tv thing. maybe some are good & worth watching, but none of the gimmicks ever really appealed to me enough to ever tune in & give them a test drive w/ an option to buy. i wrote about my idea for a new reality tv show 'porcelain princesses' last week here on retrobuzz. here are some other concepts i have that would definitely get me hooked on irreality tv shows. obvs, if fox had any wit & originality, these would be the next generation of their irreality tv staples.

1.) i f*cked your spouse!- the pilot ep

kate is married to tim
lara is married to james
kate & lara are best friends

the network hires a married male or female (kate) to seduce their best friend's (lara) spouse (james) into having an extra-marital affair w/ her. a hidden camera captures all of the seduction sequences, the over-the-top flirting, the aggressive passes made, & the first sexual encounter between kate & james. you follow?

the hired man/woman (kate) stages an argument w/ their best friend (lara) whereby the instigator (kate) is bound to lose the fight. kate throws out a last ditch trump card, 'oh yeah, well i f*cked your husband last night!'. the friend (lara) is in a light laughing state of dis-belief & blows the comment off as bs. the friend, kate, says, 'no really, i f*cked james last night in your bed. wanna go inside & see the tape of us together?'.

they cut to the video of the whole seduction scene through the multiple orgasms documented on film. lara & kate then get into a massive kate fight whereby hair is pulled, clothes are ripped off, & they fall into the conveniently placed pool.

this is the lead-in for the next show...

2.) i f*cked your spouse too!- the pilot ep (from the creators of 'i f*cked your spouse!')

kate is married to tim
lara is married to james
kate & lara are best friends

unbeknownst to kate, who seduced her best friend's (lara) husband james to sleep w/ her, there's a twist. the network was working behind-the-scenes the whole time. they showed some of the footage to lara, & she wants revenge & agrees to seduce kate's husband, tim. after the sexy cat-fight in i f*cked your spouse!, kate & lara have a long conversation about why kate would do that to her best friend, etc. tears are shed from both women, hugs exchanged, & forgiveness is granted. just when you think it's over, lara confesses, 'kate, i also have something to tell you. i f*cked your spouse too!'.

kate is totally in disbelief & thinks lara is bluffing to get back at her. lara suggests they go watch the footage, which consists of lara watching the tape of her best friend seducing her husband on 'i f*cked your spouse!'. the footage then cuts to where Laura starts seducing kate's husband, tim, into having an affair w/ her. lara & tim have sex (3 times) in tim/kate's very own bed. talk about your all-time pre-emptive slut paybacks. hott catfight ensues again, lather/rinse/repeat.

3.) we're your mommy & daddy-
many times adopted children seek out their biological partents later in life for answers to the question why. this show plays on this. adopted children seek out parents, are set-up to meet their real parents, & only their parents are bs'ing actors. the network takes-over an agency (lost then found) that specializes in tracking down adopted childrens' biological parents, fox2 problem solver stizz.

parents are typically played as drug abusing petuli wearing hippie types who make the seekers wish that they never met their newfound parents. inappropriate sexual comments, non-stop cursing, on-screen drug use would be some of the typical scenarios played-out at the 1st meetings. the joke is never revealed, & the 'contestant' storms away w/ closure, in that they're happy that their biological parents gave them up for adoption. it's win-win. the audience laughs, someone gets closure knowing that they are better off now.

'i f*cked your spouse!' & 'i f*cked your spouse too!' have so much potential for spin-offs. i'm thinking lesbian married couples, engaged couples, bi-sexual stripper types, or just plain boyfriend/girlfriend couples, etc. this could be an entire channel devoted to sexual revenge.

any thoughts, good or bad? backblog it or email me at retrobuzz1977@yahoo.com.