Monday, March 15, 2004

did i pass the acid test? 

Editor's note: i'll try to keep this SFW, & try to get pic's added soon

upon my release from county 3pm friday i made my way out to the charming campus of ann arbor pioneer to make good on a promise i had made to 3 sexy vixens, amber, heather, & kat.

they were standing in front of c building riffing on camel lights. blaring some chem brothers, i pulled my vw ghetta up to the curb, as to try & appear cool. they each got in sliding through the windows, not bothering w/ doors. hott! we peeled out & had to out-run the parking lot attendants pursuing us in their '87 dodge shadow. no probs, was like in the dukes of hazzard, the general lee had ditched rosco p. coltrane & cleatus at the closed bridge on cripple creek. yee haw!kat says to me, 'retrobuzz, how 'bout we stop at the liquor store & go back to your place to party & fool around?'. to which i responded w/ a 'so ephing bovs'. heather said, 'your lingo's new & mysterious to us, but i take that to mean hell yes'. obvs.

the girls got totally wasted after 5th period & wanted to party hard, wk stizz. amber was in the back w/ heather & they started making out as soon as they heard 'star guitar' come on. then kat got into the action w/ me. she's quite the pro, & i wasn't too shabby myself thank you very much. i managed to avoid causing multiple 50 car pile-up's, final destination2 stizz, quite the task.

these girls couldn't make up their minds about what alcohol to buy, so we exited at 222a chalmers ave/outer dr, & went to one-stop, so the trio of hottness could go into the store w/ me. i started buying there 11 years ago, when i was 16. so much retrobuzz! it ended up being zima's, mad dog 20/20, molson ice, & the components to make diet roman cokes. i didn't even mind paying a homeless guy who "worked" there to buy for us.

got back to my place & the zima/roman cokes were flowing non-stop like franzia. i threw on a mix of curve's 'come clean'/ mbv's 'loveless' & the 4 of us got freaky. they cut up some lines, but drugs really aren't my thing so i stuck w/ drinks. we moved into the bedroom for awhile & amber broke out the vid-cam to document the hottness. later on we moved into the kitchen to fully utilize their homemade s&m kits & my posh pornographic wine bottle opener, etc.

all last week my landlord had a crew at my flat to replace the 50 year old roof. i had seen this grimey eclectic bunch everyday, littering my balony w/ empty super big gulp cups & empty packs of kool's. i didn't really think much of it. little did i know this dirty bunch was actually the team bka the fox2 problem solvers comprised of fanchon stinger, ron savage, charles pugh, & greg gallagher. the same bunch that took me down the night before at the stick. these sneaky bastards sold me, they build a mean roof. they crashed in through the kitchen windows die hard style, armed w/ uzi's.
roofers, or fox2 problem solvers?

i responded w/ a 'um, how's the roof coming along?'. they weren't amused & accused me of parking my car >18 inches away from the curb on the street. 'that's it? you interurpted this orgy of hottness for an f'ing parking violation?!'. they called the cops & the hardware store for an official measurement. the verdict: it was 19 inches & i was arrested again for the parking violation & another contrib to delinq of minors.

recalling my 5 month unemployed stint in '02, i dialed 1800-call-sam to get sam bernstein on-board as counsel. he's personal injury, but whatevs. he got the delinq charges dropped but couldn't do a thing about the parking. the fox2 team is using all of their considerable resources to take me down. the girls have officially moved in. turns out they're 18. something tells me that fox2 is paying them, but i try to give hott girls the benefit of the doubt.

something tells me we won't be hearing anything else about these A2 girls & the fox2 problem solvers ever again

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