Friday, May 14, 2004

i like stories 

ah, friday, my favorite day of the week. it's that time of the week where you have the longest time off before having to go back to work monday. binge drinking on friday is always very under-rated, despite being highly rated as it is. weekdays are fun, crowds are lighter, but once you're out of college, weekday hang-overs at work have no buzz. some prefer saturdays. a hanger on sunday is always a downer because you have to go to work the next day, which is depressing too. plus, i always feel really slow & dumb mon & tues if i drink heavy on sat night. it takes a few days to shake the rust.

the best drink schedule would be something like this:

mon- not unless interpol is playing your town that night.
tues- rarely. only for a good concert.
weds- the 1st officially acceptable night to drink during the week. thurs & fri you phone it in anyway. drinking every 3rd weds is probably just right. 2x per month=ok
thurs- get drunk watching tru calling, either go out to a bar after, or get stupid drunk at home w/ a few friends or alone. it doesn't matter. going 2 consecutive thursdays w/o drinking, you're officially dead socially (ie married w/ children).
fri- end of week, have all sat & sun to recover. this is when shots of jager are done, giant beers are revealed, & blackouts ensue most frequently. all that pent-up office rage gets released fri night in a hazy booze binge.
sat- lighter drinking done. 4-5 drinks. slight buzz, but can still conversate & drive.
sun- almost never. not unless the darkness are playing your town that night. hangers on mondays=WORST THING EVER!

that's just my take. some drink more frequently, some drink less. i don't think bragging about how much one drinks is cool. for me, i love to do it & i lather/rinse/repeat frequently, that's why i talk alot about it.

puff daddy 'kevorkians' da band. i only saw a couple eps, but there were more fights than the entire season 1 of the oc. somehow this 'band' has sold 800k copies of their 1st album. i didn't even know they had an album out, & that there were 2 seasons of the mtv show w/ da band. i was surprised puffy had the patience to deal w/ this crew for as long as he did. if i was worth hundreds of millions of $'s, i wouldn't want to deal w/ all that drama. then again, maybe that's why he's where he is , & i'm where i am. what kind of cheesecake would you like mr puffy?

check out this on so says i. funny tales of the hollywood life while checking out the premiere of the movie saved!. big shock, adam brody was revealed to be coked out of his mind (again) in public hitting sloppishly on numerous girls (attn: bilson!), even half-ass teenage trannies came out for the event! good times.

while i'm going down on awesome bloggers, go read karen+1's post (musings-on-muse-to-amuse-you-fans) on bob lefsetz/the music industry. as always, brilliant witty commentary on the ignorance of a self-absorbed douchenozz. good stuff.

enjoy your weekend, bovs on some ephing tees!

he's the one they call dr. feelgood 

don't ask me, i'm just a girlthis should at least be funny. maybe i'll be subjected to a public stoning (& not w/ crack rock) for ripping on miss lohan again, but this year's mtv movie awards are going to be pure comedy. not because lohan is funny, but because she's so stupidly funny. lohan's crayola'ed to-do list reportedly sports, 'only 3 weeks til taping, better learn how to read'. i know there are legions of twenty/thirty-somethings out there obsessed w/ her, but trust me, unless she develops a close friendship w/ mischa's barfin, that girl is bound to blow up any day now. i'm talking like batgirl bigness. not that there's anything wrong w/ that. hello sabrina the teenage witch part II-mjh. i'll stick w/ my over 21 staples. nothing but bilson & dushku thank you very much. imagine those two merged together--it could be bilshku. mmm...bilshku. mmmmmmmBEST!

frasier calls it quits after 11 years...who the eph is 'frasier'?

yayyyyyyy!talk about a fight having less buzz than jack white vs jason von helsing. i can't decide who to blast 1st. i'm sick of hearing both sides' songs, hearing them talked about ad nauseum, & i'm tired from burning them on my site. franzians even talk like a bunch of ephing students while they're being a bunch of ephing tourists,
'next thing, everybody round me just went nuts and i think glen (franzia tour manager) knocked his hat off & nick punched him in the face & then all these like security guys came & pulled him away. it was like school or something.'

& god forbid anyone sees/hears m&m being a back-stage abortion somewhere in the middle of f*cking germany. realize that you owe everything to dre & move on.

just in case you didn't care, the libertines still blow. if i wanted to hear a terrible version of the strokes i'd just buy the new phantom planet album. no thanks douchemates.

'chevelle hates american idol so much they wrote a song about it'. big deal, damore hates chevelle so much he bought 250 copies of their albums just to use their liner notes as toilet paper.

somehow i missed this pseudo-news bit last week, but heard it on pardon the interuption today. alex rodriguez throws a hissy-fit back in december in the la when he got 'punk'd' by ashton kutcher on his deja vu mtv show when he got 'punk'd' by ashton kutcher on his deja vu mtv show back in december. a sox fan waiter calls a-rod a loser, blah blah blah. big deal. arod refused to sign the consent form & demanded that the tape be destroyed, by holding his breath. he lasted 32 seconds. then he cried.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

hang the gk 

bestlast night the morrissey release party for 'you are the quarry' at sofa at posh was so ephing best. yeah, the music was good, but that's not why. it was because of the crew. gkvibe, grambo, peabs, dr. em-medicine woman, & damore. we pre-bar'ed at vibe's new pad in royal joak. i kicked things off w/ a sparks (some say the replacement for the word buzz!). shots were done on the 'shot stick', which is a hockey stick (i thinks it's a koho), which has 4 shot glasses attached, so 4 shots get poured & 4 people down a shot at the same time by rotating the shot stick back at the same time. mmmmBEST!

has anyone seen dr. botox?the vibe already buzzing from some botox & ass-cream fashion party he went to w/ 'my brother brennan krengel' in some high end fashion store that i can't even come up w/ a comparison for (think $800 jeans), since most of my wardrobe hails from the lowly jcrew. gkvibe referred to it as a derek zoolander party. upon getting to posh, we went downstairs & ordered drinks. almost immediately the vibe was out on the floor tearing it up dancing w/ the ladies. numerous photos were taken, unfortunately i don't have any to show you, but my ipod captured every event from the evening, the songs, the hilariousness (in my mind). can your ipod do that? blow me.

the vibe kept begging to be put on one of my weekly 'no buzz' lists. not sure why, he was drunk maybe. anyway, i said it would take a durstulean effort over a period of time for him to make that list. it's normally not something i put my friends on, even my friends that i hate. well, he went off the edge & made it personal. he started saying 'tru calling f*cking sucks. dushku has a cock, & it puts yours' to shame damore'. he went on for easily 2min w/ the verbal assault on my love, Her Duffness, & her show tru calling. i shot an icy brooding stare at him as to say, 'watch it mofo'. he went after my one weakness, my achilles heel if you will: dushku. don't ever badmouth her in my presence.

anyway, things were getting a little out of control w/ these stuffy club-type staffers. bunch of ephing students! at one point, the bouncer walked all the way across the bar to warn grambo to tell his friend vibe to settle down.
damore loves sparks+skeeball
another funny moment was when i inquired to the asst asst manager about the costs of renting out the basement bar. for a sun/mon/tues night, it starts at $4000. a place that could only comfortably host 100-120 people. are you shmears? go eph yourself. i'll take my retrobuzz bingo mania party elsewhere--chucky cheese muthafuckas--so much skeeball & sparks.

i was out later than i planned, i think i got home at 12:45am. which kinda blows when you have to wake-up for work at 5:45am-absopurely negative buzz. but it was very tough to leave that place. although i was able to kite one of the morrissey promo posters on the wall w/out having to roll/fold it up. mint condition. mmmmBEST!

i'm pretty sure this pretty crew will be tearing up royal joak at some party friday night. rumor has it that one of the 1st kegs of sparks (ok it's only a qtr barrel, but still) will be revealed there. so much sparks!

lastly, f*ck you gkvibe, you're never making my no buzz lists. you've got too much sparks. just asking got you banned my friend.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

i like the one's where the mouse kills the cat 

since no one will read this if it's at the end of this post...tonight is the release party for the new morrissey album, 'you are the quarry', at sofa at posh in ferndale. i've only been to the 'new' sofa once, but it's very cool. if you reside in the d, we'll be arriving at ~10'ish. confirmed attendees are gkvibe & becks (no relation to the crappy hanson), grambo, peabs & dr em -medicine woman. sofa...easily the best night of music played at the bar in the d.
one tree hill finale- such a let-down. blah. brooke was working w/ peyton all along to actually screw over nicki, sending her to seattle instead of georgia to find her daughter jenny. i was blinded by the hottness & didn't see that coming. i was expecting more bitchiness out of brooke--kind of disappointed. whitey's going to lose his sight, big deal. over-the-top season2 fore-shadowing w/ the ravens at the beginning & end of the finale? thanks wb, i'm retarded.

-keith & deb shagging was the only thing that made sense. united by their hate for dan (keith's younger brother, deb's husband), since they one's they loved didn't love them back, they eph on the floor in front of the fireplace. finally something normal happens here.

-lucas & keith moving to some other town/state. lame, they'll be back in 2.5 eps max. lemme guess, they run into trouble there &/or dan dies & they have to come back?

-hailey & nathan not having pre-marital sex--so they decide to get married one night so that they can have guilt-free sex. sounds alot like nick douchey & jessica simpson in real life. too 7th heaven'ish for me to stomach. no buzz. if getting married is a pre-req for sex for someone, you need to keep looking.

-lucas missing the last shot of the game to lose in the playoffs. that was good. i was sick of seeing bad basketball footage.
-dan has a heart attack after catching keith w/ his hand in the cookie jar (his wife, deb), says 'i hope i die' upon being discovered by deb. us too. you won't be missed, & you're not allowed to rent here anymore!

couple thing's for sure need to happen next season. nathan cheats on hailey, they break up, lucas & nathan again are enemies. peyton gets a new boyfriend, brooke seduces him & screws over her friend as payback. dan needs to die. brooke, she goes crazy & has sex w/ every guy/girl at tree hill high.

one of the better parts was when snow patrol's 'run' was featured. not just an excerpt of it, the entire song. no wonder there were so many teens at their show last month at the shelter. apparently they have an obsessed fan at the wb/1 tree hill. this was the 3rd ep featuring a snow patrol song (w/in the past 5 wks or so). look out sea ray, a mob of teens will be at st andrews on 5/27 for your show, which is good for you i guess. at least bar traffic there will be lighter too.
one tree hill...not as good as the oc, but what is, other than tru calling?

i'm not sure what the following from charges at the rollerbest means per se, but i think it's not negative. thx & cheers!

'Snappin’ pop-data from Rock City! The more I read all these Doctors of Detroiters, damore I want to tug the old dusty Korg X-5 out of the grimy old Marsha Marsha Marsha tube amp and call up the old Janissary Core crew. If you can actually find JCore downloads anywhere on the interworld, I’ll send you our crabby old record. And free porn, if you act within the next five days or less. Good luck, lover.'

no buzz 5/12/04 

there wasn't one of these lists last week, but the '10 things that sucked about coachella' list hopefully made up for that.

another bad creation1) the day after tomorrow- great, another $125mills film by the people who gifted us w/ independence day. who plays the US pres in this abortion? richard dean anderson, or jeff daniels? daniels was fit enough to play george washington in a usa or tnt made-for-tv movie, so anything beats bill pullman. as long as it isn't bruce willis, it passes the 1st test, not losing one's eye-site. looks to me like another armageddon all special effects, no substance movie. i hate movies w/ all that plotty/character development stuff anyway.

tree-huggers are hoping the movie will get millions to join up w/ environmentalist causes. um, that would be nice, but c'mon, this is hollywood & you're living in fantasyland. few will want to remember anything about this movie after seeing it. many will spite anything remotely related to it. this movie hurts your cause.

2) another oc creation- i love the oc. but i'm notso sure about the oc companion' show josh schwartz is in talks w/ fox to develop. schwartz would be teaming up w/ his co-exec producers savage & delaurentiis. it's supposedly going to premiere in jan '05, & will be 'melrose place'-esque, in that it targets a slightly older demographic than the oc or it's predecessor, 90210. it's expected to have the same oc formula, mixing storylines of young adults & older characters. i say no buzz cos usually what happens is, the david e kelly's/joss whedon's/& now josh schwartz get a red hot show, take on too many new shows, & all of their projects get diluted in mediocrity & all of them suffer at the same time, along w/ their fans.
(linkage via nummer)

3) pearl jam/friends- this is obvs. friends should've ended 8 years ago. since pearl jam stopped making good music around the same time, why not ask pearl jam to license a song to use for the finale? total 'synergy', which i still don't know the meaning of. note to vedder & co: if you don't want to license your songs, fine. but please don't continue to license them to crappy shows that are well past their prime (like your band). what song are you going to donate to 'the practice' & 'the west wing'? i still can't listen to black or jeremy yet, & it's been 12 years since i od'ed on those from radio/mtv over-play.

'yes, i swear that i'm a certifiable douche'4) rummy & cheney- nice job in iraq rummy. your renegade troops abusing captives are really adding fuel to the fire in iraq. whether you're claiming you had no knowledge of such abuses, or claiming that you issued a press release about an investigation re: it back in january, it doesn't matter. your leadership is sooo poor that i can't even imagine voting for bush if you & cheney aren't sacked. seems like no one wants to bring any bad news to your attention. those that do, either get demoted/fired, or are forced to retire due to frost-bite from your beauracracy. oh yeah, & you're the biggest asshole evs. lighten up a little already.

cheney-you just scare that crap out of me. your shady-as-eph connections to hal-abortion & enron should have made it clear that you are in no way fit to run the country, in the event that gw's dies. as poorly as kerry is capitalizing on your failures, we all know how this story ends. like in '92, no one will care about any successes, cos all we'll remember is how much this back-alley falujahbortion this entire war on iraq has been. btw, any luck finding weapons of mass destruction there? should i look for a buried 3-line press-release from last fall? no 2nd term for you!

5) blogger dashboard- thanks for the head's-up blogger--you screwed up so many blog archives w/out warning. the new templates suck. anything related (even only in name) to chris carrabortion & dashboard confessional blows. bravo. shmears.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

what's a battle? 

do i look high?
look no further for some summer oc buzz. mtv reveals that everyone's favorite cokehead, adam brody, & lindsay lohan will likely star together in 'love & death at terrington prep'. i saw ms lohan on mtv's made or driven show (or whatever), & holy jebus, they don't come any blonder/dumber. i would have fired her agent on the spot for allowing her to do a revealing behind the scenes show on mtv. luckily, no one cared & still saw 'mean girls'. lohan is reportedly in final negotiations.

i liked it the 1st time, thank you very much. cedric the notso funny entertainer wants to remake classic movie 'back to school'. are you shmears? that movie is untouchable. the triple linding?

i know i dig on the strokes alot. it's funny, cos i'm mostly joking around. i had their show on both my 'buzz/no buzz' lists to the left. their show last night at the state theatre in the d was no joking matter. they were ephing best. while at work yesterday i was 50/50 on going--felt tired & just wanted to go home & sleep. i felt about 63.8% better once i got out of work, & decided to go. funny how that happens. at work=sick, not at work=fine. about 15 of the usual suspects met up pre-show at the town pump for drinks before catching the strokes show. i didn't eat dinner, so after 4 pints or so, i was buzzing like freeway rumblestrips.

for not being sold out, it sure looked & felt jammed to me. yeah, they played alot of room on fire, which i'm not crazy about, but obvs, 'is this it' was revealed heavily, since their entire catalog is maybe 70 minutes of music. nyc cops, hard to explain...absopurely best.

i spent the 1st part of the show hanging w/ bigmatt up-front. kind of bounced around in the back bar area & the mid-tier areas as well. no kirk gibson sighting, i think that db lies about liking 'new & hip' bands so that he can continue to date younger & younger strippers. he gets older, they stay the same age. i was a little disappointed in the drunk banter supplied by julian. there wasn't much to speak of.
2 lucky hits, nice career!what he did say i couldn't make any sense of. were they sober? probably not. for a tour that doesn't have that much buzz, given that room on fire launched 7 months ago, you wouldn't have known it by the insanity inside. last time around in oct, r.o.f wasn't released yet, & the smoking ban pissed me off. this show, knew the newest songs, smoked like 15 cigarettes inside not getting hassled by bloomberg wannabes at all. mmmmbest! this show was, cut & dry, best.

lisa rinna, who the eph do you think you are? over-rated former melrose star said, 'it scares me to death having two young daughters, that britney spears is one of the world's role models!'. hmm, maybe rinna doesn't remember her worst ever pictorial in playboy 6 years ago? unfortunately, i can't wipe my memory clean of those 9 month pregnant images. preggers pictorials? notabigfan. brit hasn't posed nude yet & you're calling her the anti-christ? rinna then proves she did nothing but drugs & blackout through-out all of the 80's & 90's when she goes on to praise madonna, brit's mentor fcs! eph you lisa rinna--melrose place? that was soooo 11 years ago. eph you harry hamlin--nice career since la law. i loved your made for tv movie 5 yrs ago w/ the real estate development condos built atop a mutated rattlesnake haven (1999's 'silent predators'). sorry to attack hamlin here, but he's married to rinna, & has no buzz.

maxim/blender/stuff mag's present 'fantasy island' featuring velvet revolver, the darkness & fountains of wayne in atlantic city june 26/27. for $150, seems kind of pricey. strange line-up too. fow doesn't really mesh too well w/ the darkness & velvet revolver. so much heroin is gonna be consumed by weiland that weekend. tix on-sale today at 12pm. sounds cool, but def not worth an interstate trip, or $150.
(via the grizz)

strange headline 'jackie chan digs up land mines in cambodia'
even stranger headline 'jackie chan digs up land mines in cambodia...gets blown up'. that would have been funnier.

Monday, May 10, 2004

texting is the new spooning 

some random links of pleasure on this monday.

some more details on the cure-chella tour this summer. dates released. so ephing there at the knob. one can only hope franz ferdinand is added to the line-up. i'd love to see them baptised into american festivals w/ a good 'lawn job' of sod throwing. by then, their jig should be up & they would be exposed for the frauds they are.

as ref'ed on whatevs earlier, oasis have officially hired ringo's son zak starkey to replace alan white in the band on drums. zak is pretty best, having seen him tour w/ the who & marr/the healers. noel also appears to have taken time away from his busy schedule of blowing the soundtrack of our lives & other swedish bands full-time in favor of scotland's pro-abortion faves, franz ferdinand. i wrote oasis off in '00 when 'standing on the shoulders...' came out. they are still good for 3 pretty good trax per album, but the rest is just mediocre filler. wtsmg seems so long ago. please don't release another 'little james' song...playing w/ your toys.
sounds like a barfin rip-off to me
who knew garbage pail kids were back! no word yet on whether my trade-marked mischa's barfin made the cut or not.
brittney spews, scuzzy ozzy & justin timberleg, in sept, we'll meet christina ugliera. i say it's about time. originality was never really there, but i miss the gum in each pack too.

olsen twins suicide bomb theatres everywhere! 

know what i mean vern?
it's official...the olsen twins have ZERO BUZZ in the over 11 age bracket. box office mojo reports that the the twins' new york minute flopped like bill laimbeer in the playoffs or a ernest goes to camp movie. it cleared $6.2mil this weekend, much less than bynes' WAGW's & the lizzie macguire abortion. even i was surprised at this new york back-alley box office abortion clinic. i thought it would do $12mil, & still be a flop. nice try ladies at cracking the >12 age demo. either you can sit pretty on your nest egg, or you can start doing coke & partying like trashy hilton sisters. until there are tales of drug & alcohol abuse, wild sex parties, you won't get a single dime from me at the box office.

you got it duuuuude!

bunch of ephing tourists! 

mucho buzz
sat evening, checked out the long awaited return of my friends' band, the newly named last tourist, or the band formerly known as immerse. consisting of peabs, the gorilla, c friggs, mark julien, & kegzies respectively. there was heavy buzz in the d surrounding their highly anticipated return to the detroit music scene, as well as their upcoming opening slot gig w/ the cosmic rough riders at the smalls on 5/17. it also gives some of us another excuse to go out drinking.

anyway, i arrived to paycheck's lounge at ~10:30pm, had a few ginger ales & mingled among the heavy fow nation in attendance. too many to list out, bovs. i always love paychecks, cos a) it's dump b) it's my kind of dump & c) the band line-up's are always all over the map. the 1st band (i saw) was this terrible yet best heavy cheese metal act, i think they were called 'extreme noise'. for some reason i got really into this band. the grizz & gkvibe did as well. we anchored ourselves to a table toward the front & rocked out to the band of hilarity. they were cheesy, notso good, but we went nuts during their set. they were definitely tee-ball league if you're keeping score at home when compared to the darkness. maybe it was a cruel unintentional joke? is there such a thing? last time there, they were sandwiched between a crappy ska band (is there any other kind?) & a wu-tang clan esque rap group, which was strange, yet best. line-up's don't get more diverse than paychecks. the final band sat night was a rooney type band. no sh sh shaking revealed though.
peabs...always revealed & always talked about
last tourist went on at ~11:30pm'ish. w/ 3 guitarists, there are a shit-load of pedals/gadgets, etc to set-up & all that. i think the sound guy did a decent job, cos everything was working & was load. i've heard he's actually an incompetent douche, but after coachella's back-alley indio abortion sound clinics last week, any sound was worth 2 gold stars. as they were about to start their set, i invited myself on stage to announce the band, & they were already standing on stage. i grabbed the mic, & belted out 'ladies & gentlemen, from detroit michigan, it's last fucking tourist! mmmmmmmmmBESTTTTT!!!'. i jumped off stage & they worked their magic, ripping through fan favorites, as well as some new buzztrax. for not playing together for almost 2 years, they sounded really tight. i took about 40 pics during their set, mostly of them & the celeb presence in the crowd. i'd post pics, but a) i don't own a digicam b) i don't own a pc & c) my ipod has thousands of pics, even complete digi-video footage from the entire show (in my mind). fuck your ipod.

i think they finished at ~12:30am or so. perhaps being the self-absorbed attention whore that i am, i got back on-stage as they finished & grabbed the mic again, saying something like, 'ladies & gentlemen, show them some love & fucking give it up for last fucking tourist! mmmmBEST!!'. sadly, no beers were poured over damore's head the entire night. i have to pick & choose carefully occasions for which to reveal this since i'm paying royalties & all.

that kid is back on the escalator! anyway, after last weekend in cali, i was still behind on sleep, despite sleeping 13 hours fri night. i left at 1am & caught a ride w/ peabs' dad, fos, who was proudly sporting a 'peabs: obvs in 04' tee. sunday was wake-up at 11:30am, watch some horrible tv, shower, discover a simpsons marathon was going from 12pm-6pm, then go out & buy some mother's day gifts for my mom in attempt to avoid receiving the worst son of the week award for the 250th conseq week. yes, i never plan ahead. i'm last minute on everything. making plans is boring. & yes, i'm shallow & a bad son. nice, expensive gifts are how i try to buy the affections of my family. anyway, it was a nice flower arrangement, a hallmark card, & a borders gift card. spent the day at my mom's w/ my bro & twin sis, & obvs, my mom. nice day was had by all.

i should have the final part of my coachella write-up done & posted monday am. i'm sure it will suck, much like most of my vanity pieces.

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