Friday, May 21, 2004

axel who? 

'did i remember to beat my wife before i left the hotel?'last night had so much buzz. wife-beating karma catches up w/ wife-beater jason kidd as the pistons clock the nets in a game 7 domestic violence clinic. wife-beater kidd didn't score a single point the entire game. nice job detroit. no official report to confirm, but kidd supposedly beat the crap out of his wife, jumanji, after the game. i don't see any way around a best of seven series w/ the pacers. as much as i hate reggie miller & the pacers, i'm happy to see rick carlisle having success after getting the biggest WTF?! dismissal last year. duhvs i'm backing the 'stons. wtf is a pacer anyway? the car?

on to the real buzz from last night. velvet revolver. meeting up for pre-show drinks w/ bigmatt & gkvibe at the town pump was smart. at the state, the crowd was very sketchy best. it was like harpos or the ritz in roseville x 1000. so many pairs of black jeans, acid washed ripped jeans, leather clad fake tees, it was sick. it was like the entire crowd stepped out of a time capsule from 1987 just to hit this show. showering after work proved to be a complete waste of time. the vibe douched it up when he bought tix late & got us balcony seats. worst! i tried bribing every security guard i could find, but they were all a bunch of ephing clowns. 'i'll get fired', '$10 ain't worth getting fired', '15 bucks ain't worth getting fired', '$20 ain't worth getting fired'. eph you, it's velvet revolver! after my bribes got manute bol BLOCKED!, gkvibe & i were hanging out in front of the main floor doors, the security guards walked away for a second, & we walked right in. once in, we instinctively split up & met up around the bar. velvet revolver had just started their set, opening w/ 'sucker train blues', a vr song.

mbv's loveless cover or velvet revolver at the state?we worked our way down the left side to the mid tier. moved in toward the middle & settled there for half the set. the 4th song was stp's 'crackerman', how ephing best is that?! they sounded like the best rock band ever. they totally worked the crowd, moving around, getting on top of the marshall stacks. weiland used the megaphone during several songs. he weighs ~120 elerbes, has short hair, & is still crazy. he looks like layne staley pre-corpse. he's gotta be on smack still. after a couple more duff lites, we finished our beers & then they played gnr classic 'it's so easy'. the place went absopurely bananaz! i think every person there sang every word to that song--'i see you standing there...you think you're so cool...why don't you just...f*ck off!' BEST EVER! weiland sounded perfect during the gnr tunes. eph you axel rose! eph you & the 'new' gnr! you're irrelevant. we then walked down onto the mainfloor & worked our way up to the front, about 7 people deep from the front of the stage. the crowd was rowdy & we were smack dab in the epicenter of a 1991 mosh pit. slash was stationed directly in front of us. if he's not the biggest rock star ever, i don't know who is. he smoked more cigs than me there, & was sporting his classic black top-hat. gkvibe got great pics on his cam-phone. my ipod got a bunch too. pics are courtesy of the vibe.

i'm so cool...why did i do that strokes video?it was hot as balls down front, i was covered not only in my own sweat, but that of 40 other people around me. some jag-off even threw a beer on us. apparently they read the whatevs backblog last week & saw that pouring beer on one's self is out, so they threw it on others instead. the encore highlight was stp's 'sex type thing', follwed by MR BROWNSTONE!!!! which blew the roof off the place. after the show, the grizz reportedly said, 'VR makes Audioslave look like N'SYNC!'. duhvs! VR makes the strokes look like franzia ferdinand!

another cool part was when duff blew the crowd by throwing out the 'i love detroit. i met my wife in detroit. detroit f'ing rocks!' banter. detroit has an inferiority complex, so it loves rockstars stroking detroit's egos. the show was done by 10:15 & the vibe & i caught the last couple minutes of the pistons/nets game at the pump. i went home after & burned all the clothes i wore to the show. duhvs.

here is vr's complete set list:
1 Sucker Train Blues
2 Do It for the Kids
3 Headspace
4 Crackerman
5 Illegal I
6 It's So Easy
7 Fall To Pieces
8 Big Machine
9 Set Me Free
10 Used to Love Her
11 Slither
12 Sex Type Thing
13 Mr. Brownstone
14 Negative Creep

Thursday, May 20, 2004

ready to crash & burn, i never learn... 

sick of damore's weekly no buzz lists? sick of him constantly digging on you or things you like? well now's your chance to voice your opinions. i'm throwing you, the people, an opportunity to help comprise next week's entire 'no buzz' list. pick any relevant current topic or topics, jot down your thoughts & email them to me at retrobuzz1977@yahoo.com. i will pick the best one's, rank them & post next weds 5/26/04. poor submissions will likely either a) get the author added to the no buzz list or b) get posted & busted up like a high school kegger. so be careful. the funnier the better.

any topic is acceptable--think damore himself has ZERO buzz? write about it. sick of wearing pants? write about it. sick of grambo & peabs? don't write about it, i've covered that one ad nauseum already this week! traditionally i've had just the top 5 rankings, if response & submissions are good, that will likely be expanded to accomodate good works.

slash+duffman+sorum+weiland=heroin+sparksanyway, tonight is the velvet revolver show in the d at the state theatre. if you're going, bigmatt (of motor city rocks), gkvibe & myself will be meeting up pre-show at the town pump for drinks at 7pm'ish. post-show plans are to meet-up w/ scott weiland in the back-alley to shoot up heroin & sparks. god i hope mr brownstone will be revealed, it's so easy, nighttrain, my michelle, rocket queen, god anything from appetite. stp material from core & purple would be best too. i know alot of fows are going to the jump,little children show at the magic bag. to that i say, cool, have a great time & enjoy the show. if you have time afterwards, stop by the backalleybortion behind the state...we'll be doing shooting smack w/ weiland & duff till 3am or so. it IS a school night & all.

cheers to peabs & grambo for being good sports while i mocked them the past 2 days--it's so easy easy, when everbody's trying to please me baby. it's so easy...so f*cking easy, yeah it's so easy. & to everyone who reads this, know that in my heart, i love you all. w/out you, there is no retrobuzz. so if you don't like it, stop dropping by.

where's your crib at? 

douchebags revealed!
after posting this week's no buzz list yesterday, i received some feedback via email from both peabs & uncle grambo. Listen to these sensitive douchebags cry. normally personal emails from friends are out of bounds, but exceptions exceptions exceptions. i hope you enjoy what follows.

here is the grambo communicae:

markdgraham@yahoo.com wrote:
Subject: WTF??????!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Wed, 19 May 2004 14:03:29 -0400
From: "Uncle Grambo"
To: "damore" retrobuzz1977@yahoo.com

damizz, what the eff is up w/ all the haterade you poured on me in today's No Buzz list on Retrobuzz? Not sure what I did to deserve that, but I wish you would have at least ran it by me before going to print. I know I played it cool on the backblog and tried to play it off as 'all in good fun', but that was kind of a low blow. Espesh that pic of me & Peabs from Bob/Pieper's wedding. Worst! My hair didn't look as good as I would have liked, so I mos def would have appreciated the opportunity to provide you with a more flattering pic to use. Shmears.

Anyway, wait till next week when I go ape shit all oves Damore and Retrobuzz. Tru Durstness will be revealed.
P.S. You're the ASS FACE, ASS FACE!
-----Original Message-----
From: "damore" retrobuzz1977@yahoo.com
Sent: Wed, May 19, 2004 14:37:32 -0400
To: "Uncle Grambo" markdgraham@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: WTF??????!!!!!!!!!!!

grambo, sorry you feel that way. i thought it would be funny & that you of all people would appreciate it for a good laugh. i certainly didn't think you would get all sensitive about it. i think you're over-reacting. i know you're this big celebrity & all now, but the intent wasn't to be mean spirited. take some midol, & stop by for sparks some time when your pms'ing is over this month.

here is the peabs communicae:

"Peabs" mpeabody77@yahoo.com wrote:
Subject: Thanks douchebag
Date: Wed, 19 May 2004 13:46:02 -0400
From: "Peabs" mpeabody77@yahoo.com
To: "damore" retrobuzz1977@yahoo.com

Damizz, what the hell was your post today all about? It's cool that you have blog, but it's not cool to trash your best friends by making them look stupid on your No Buzz lists. Obvs. I'll continue to downplay your bullshit publicly by playing along and all. Shmears. But understand this-You're going to regret that post come next week. So much revenge buzz on sstp! Glad our friendship means so little to you douchebag.

And I am much better looking than you. Bovs.

PS Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04 Obvs in '04
-----Original Message-----
From: "damore" mailto:retrobuzz1977@yahoo.com
Sent: Wed, May 19, 2004 14:51:19 -0400
To: "Peabs" mpeabody77@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Thanks Douchebag

peabs, you & grambo need to lighten up. it was joke, which no one took seriously anyway. you of all people should know how things work on retrobuzz. go ahead, blast away on me next week on your site. it would be welcomed topic change from the current 6 month run-on posting i've been suffering through on sstp. relax & get a hand job from rusty wallace, you ephing student.

don't kid yourself...NO ONE'S prettier than damore. i'm precious.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

don't get all sensitive. i hate me too. 

before you get all po'ed at me, relax, go back inside, get yourself a big forty & just party.

5) libertines-which one's on suicide watch now--pete or hot carl? i can't believe even nme is still tossing their salad. so what if mick jones from the clash is blowing them--he just happens to be co-producing their album. no offense to mick, but is he trying to land simon cowell's job?--cos i'm pretty sure paula abdul's the one who blows everybody.

4) jack white- more upcoming colabortions w/ loretta lynn? can't wait for his colabortions w/ franzia ferdinand & beck.

2:1 d-nozz & d-bag3)sosayeththepeabs- how long are you going keep torturing the world w/ your sexual abuse of the english language? find a new obsession--running for president w/ cosby is sooo Q1 '04--bbbbovs. move on to something new. i don't know, maybe jello? oh, you've killed that one too. thanks. can you bless the world w/ just 1 ephing post that DOESN'T include the following:
a) how pretty you think you are
b) references to illegal drugs
c) obvs in 04 campaign
d) the use of 'izz' based words

yeah, didn't think so...

2) fox summer programming- north shore-mon 8pm, the casino-mon 9pm, method & red-tues 8:30pm, the jury-tues 9pm, quintuplets- weds 8:30pm, the simple life 2-weds 9pm. while i applaud fox for not leaving us w/ nothing but re-runs & major league baseball during the summer months, i just don't see anything worthwhile to watch out of these 6 new shows. i don't see north shore being the hit that the oc became overnight. not merely derivative, the title is exactly the same as the 80's classic surfing movie. isn't 'method & red' exactly like the movie 'how high', except they don't go ivy league? i loved andy richter as conan's side-kick, but everything since has been hilariously unfunny. suck it up richter--you don't need your own 'star search'--go back to conan & grovel!

1) whatevsdotorg- so you had a friend to say 'obvs' on national tv. well lahti-fricken-dah! whupti-friggin-doo! normally i don't bite the hand that feeds me (~80% of of my traffic comes via whatevs), but someone has to say it. you've whored yourself out to corporate america----bravo. getting quarterly checks from amazon.com for the products bought from them via your site? for shame. i look at what whatevs has become--one giant billboard for advertising pimps. i thought it was all about revealing photos of young starlets? not since big-business took-over. durst. AND PLEASE, TELL US AGAIN FOR THE TEN-THOUSANDTH TIME HOW STRIPPERS STOLE YOUR DIGICAM ON OPENING DAY! that one's my favorite, i never tire of that. bovs on YOUR ephing tees! no one calls ME 'ass face'.

as a new addition, to show minor change, i'm adding the 'sparks player of the week' award. this title is given to the individual or entity that has the most buzz, as voted by the retrobuzz pollsters. the award also extends to it's bearer, a lifetime of immunity from the 'no buzz' rankings, as well as 1 free can of the best alc-energy drink ever (must be 21 or older, offer void in canada, alaska, hawaii, & mexico. drink sparks responsibly).

the 1st (& probably last) sparks player of the week award goes to...
gk best
GK VIBE- you partied harder than anyone last week. on monday you showed the strokes what a bunch of douchebags they are at the state. getting drunk at upscale fashion parties in royal oak, drunkenly buying 3 pairs of $750 jeans, zoolander style. pre-partying at your place using the 'shot-stick' for foursomes of capt morgan shots. tearing up the dancefloor at posh at the morrissey album prelease party, dancing w/ all the ladies, & blacking out. so much sparks it sickens me. cheers, your dream has come tru. mmmmBEST!

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

do you like, apples? 

ephing studentwhat the hell is wrong w/ chris martin? what a fookin' student! don't ever do anything similar to the darkness. you blow!

those lyrics...
'I'll be there through the thin and the thick / I'm gonna clean up all the poo and the sick'.

sounds like liam gallagher's 'little james', but this is supposed to be a joke. so little buzz going these days that he has to spoof the darkness as the nappies. bunch of ephing tourists!

speaking of which...

last but not lastly, last night's last tourist show at smalls was best. they sounded as tight as i've ever heard them sound. the cosmic rough riders were kind enough to lend them use of their equipment, which sounded totally topps (except for the low vox). the band revealed a new song, which sounded pretty hott. their dark moody brit rock had the crowd going. i've been to probably 30-some shows there the past 18 months, very few acts have drawn much more than last night. mark gardener from ride drew less, the stills last october drew about the same, division of laura lee was similar. cheers.

'can you give us directions to the nearest abortion clinic?'- not last touristsorry i don't have any pics for you, i don't have a digicam or a computer. as always, my ipod caught everything (in my mind). i'm watching the show again, but in rewind as i type this. apologies to the band for the request i yelled out in between songs (soberly i might add):
damore- 'play tru calling!'
band- 'we don't have a song called that'
damore-'whatever. make one up'
'shut the f*ck up damore, your website sucks!'

not that much news out there today...


god bless the blueprint. foxy jess reported yesterday that fox finally got it's act together & will be buying a second season of the drama Tru Calling. major props to fj for this buzz.
good stuff? sfbovs
i'm not sure if my daily email bombings to high-powered fox execs had any bearing on tru calling's renewal or not, you be the judge. the following is an email exchange between myself & news corp chairman rupert murdoch from earlier this month.

damore wrote:
Date: Fri, 07 May 2004 04:53:49 -0700 (PDT)
From: damore
Subject: Re: Tru Calling's renewal status
To: rmurdoch@newscorp.com

Dear Rupert, it has come to my attention that 4 of your shows on Fox programming have been granted early renewal by the suits there at the Fox division. Those included The OC, 24, Bernie Mac Show, & Malcolm in the Middle. While I can't even begin to tell what is wrong w/ Malcolm in the Middle, my focus here is the blatant exclusion of the cult phenom drama Tru Calling.

Tru Calling is a widely appealing drama that found it's rhythm mid-way through it's first season. The star-studded cast of Eliza Dushku, AJ Cook, Brandon Walsh has made Thursdays on Fox 'Absopure Buzz TV' (feel free to use that phrase). Even in the toughest time slot (8-9pm Thurs) unenviously pitted up against the likes of NBC's 'Friends' & ABC's 'Durstvivor', it managed to garner solid ratings & build up a solid, loyal cult following.

Not renewing the show for a second season would in my estimation prove to be one of the biggest mistakes Fox has ever made. And that includes the it's reality tv abortions (Cops, The Swan, My Big Fat..., etc etc etc). Why pay for all of that premium talent (Dushku, Neal Moritz, Jon Harmon Feldman, Doug Petrie, Walsh) & put it in a no-win situation in the toughest time-slot if you won't even let it reap the spoils next season w/ Friends out of the picture? Please schedule a meeting w/ Grushow, Chernin, & Berman to get this oversight resolved immediately.

tru sparks!! mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmBEST!!!!!!!!If Tru Season 2 doesn't get the greenlight, I can promise you this. I will make it my life's work to spam every single News Corp's employee email account w/ hundreds of messages a day w/ porn material featuring Nell Carter (god rest her soul).

If you feel it necessary to try my patience on this, I can assure you that I am not bluffing. Level 2 escalation for non-compliance includes crippling News Corp's entire server/communication network w/ millions of liquid viagra & gay porn email---a virus the likes of which your IT staff has never seen. Renu Tru.

Best Regards,

P.S. I love The OC! Keep up the good work! Can't wait until November.

rupert wrote:
Date: Fri, 07 May 2004 10:32:19 -0700 (PDT)
From: rupert murdoch
Subject: Re: Tru Calling's renewal status
To: retrobuzz1977@yahoo.com

Damore, I don't know who the bloody hell you think you are. I'm Rupert Bloody Murdock, the billionaire tyrant media mogul. No one strong arms me with threats of repercussions!

While I haven't decided whether or not to have you picked-off by a sniper later this month, I do agree that an oversight has been made. Thank you for the constructive criticism & your extreme (while troubling) loyalty to Fox.

This issue should be put to rest by 17-May, as negotiations for extensions have now opened.


P.S. I like your style. Cold, angry, & vindictive. We just might have an opening for you in Fox drama development. Let me know if you're interested!

Monday, May 17, 2004

compare & contrast 

i was thinking about this topic last week. maybe i was inspired by our gov granholm's 'cool cities' initiative, that always profiles some diamond in the rough city in michigan, & trys to spin it as 'young & hip' to try & keep michigan's young talent from moving out of state. i chose to compare & contrast nyc & the d. don't mis-understand, i love detroit--but if i were to move somewhere, nyc is up there.

nyc vs detroit

nyc-can't go 5 sec's w/out seeing cab downtown.
detroit-you can go 5 days w/out seeing a single cab in the d.
advantage: nyc

nyc-has walkmen, strokes, fow, interpol, rapture, yyy's, sea ray, stellastarr* etc etc etc.
detroit- has the white stripes, von bondies, sights, the nice device, brendan benson, kid rock, eminem
advantage: nyc--hand's-down. detroit's garage rock scene is sooo 2002, & it's white-boy rap scene w/ eminem & kid rock is embarrassing to many. although the nice device w/ the lovely alicia gbur & brendan benson alone could go head-to-head up against any city's 2 best up-&-comers.

nyc-has the yanks, mets, rangers, islanders, giants, jets, & the knicks.
detroit- pistons, lions, tigers, & red wings
advantage: even. nyc wins w/ giants/jets over the lions, yankees over the tigers, but they've got nothing else. red wings stomp the rangers & islanders, pistons do the same to the knicks. nyc has more teams, but a large portion of them flirt w/ mediocrity, despite large payrolls (rangers, mets, giants, jets). & who really cares about hockey anymore?

cost of living
nyc-the one major downer of any good big city is the cost of living. $1500 a month doesn't get you much by way of apartments. live there & you'll have roommates for life, & not much money left over to save or do much else, unless you make a ton of cash. $225,000 is a good start for a down-payment on a condo/house in ny.
detroit-$225,000 buys you a really nice house in the burbs. if you rent, $700/mo can get you a nice 1000 sq ft flat in the burbs.
advantage: detroit

advantage: nyc
not even worth comparing/contrasting. nightlife in the d blows. how many nights/year are spent at the magic stick? far too many. no one (except nme) cares about the jack white vs jason von bondie fight that took place there. morrissey plays 5 gigs in 5 days in nyc, celebs hang-out at post-show parties. in detroit, we go to morrissey release parties, where the biggest celebs are bloggers (UG & peabs)--'aren't you uncle grambo?'.
the only edge the d has is that you can still smoke in bars, which actually blows even if you are a smoker.

nyc-too many to list out, but boasts blogger pros gawker, karen+1, stereogum, ultragrrrl, real janelle, gothamist, spiers, tmftml, etc etc etc. nyc= blogger capital.
detroit-whatevs & peabs are daily must-reads (if firewalls don't already BLOCK! access). whatevs is probably the top blog going these days. motor city rocks & glamorama are good for the music scene. other than that, it's pretty slim.
advantage: nyc-more is more is more.

nyc-good public transportation systems, tradition, sex appeal, diverse industries/companies located there, better looking people, son of sam, art & culture.
detroit-so blue-collar, so run-down. some might say dilapidated, i like to call it 'rustic'. if you don't like cars, don't move here. public transportation is awful. we even built a 3rd rate monorail here in the 80's caled the 'people mover'. how's that working out these days? detroit...the new north haverbrook. professionally, you'll be tied to the auto industry in some way. if you don't like boring, slow, & unoriginal, the auto industry & detroit aren't for you. take that milwaukee!
advantage: nyc

tv shows
nyc-features the daily show, letterman, conan, & the apprentice, friends (tru calling is based there too).
detroit-so lame they created a trump rip-off called 'the intern', where people try to win an internship w/ attorney jeffery feiger. don't forget 'pass the mic', an american idol rip-off that features detroiters. it's bad, & i'll leave it at that.
advantage: nyc, duh

nyc-ground zero, numerous museums, rockafeller plaza, central park, empire state bldg, etc.
detroit-the ren cen, a giant fist of joe louis, & a giant clit-ring in hart plaza.
advantage: nyc-although major creativity points awarded to d-town-bovs.

nyc. as much as i love detroit, it still has much work to do. only this year did we get a hard rock cafe, 15 years after they were no longer cool. next up, planet hollywood & robocop 4.

i'll have a monday w/ a side of buzz  

tonight is the 2nd show detroit band last tourist is playing since their buzz-laden return to the music scene. they are supporting scotland's cosmic rough riders at the legendary smalls, in hamtramck. their set runs from 10-10:45. poker legend scotty nguyen is a huge fan of theirs, & is rumored to be attending. no word yet on whether he will be guest mc'ing for the band or not. he might be too busy there drinking mic lights & romancing the ladies. if bill cosby isn't too busy banging strippers, he might be in attendance as well.

just douchinghere are a few things you won't see at the show tonight: fred durst in the audience. beers poured over heads (that is so april 04). un-bovsed-upon tees. jack white--it's monday, & he's too busy beating up the elderly at nursing homes. peabs in spandex tights. kid rock covers revealed.

in conclusion, if you live in the d, be there. if you don't live here, don't go changing that. as good as last tourist is, moving to detroit to see them is a bit rash, since they'll inevitably start touring to a city near you in no time anyway. as their name says, they're a bunch of ephing tourists.

as if you needed more incentive, if you make it, we can run across the street pre-show & buy a sparks & drink it brown-bag style. the cover is only $5, coors light drafts are only $1, & you can go out & still be home & asleep by 11:30pm at the latest.

hope to see you there.

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