Wednesday, May 19, 2004

don't get all sensitive. i hate me too. 

before you get all po'ed at me, relax, go back inside, get yourself a big forty & just party.

5) libertines-which one's on suicide watch now--pete or hot carl? i can't believe even nme is still tossing their salad. so what if mick jones from the clash is blowing them--he just happens to be co-producing their album. no offense to mick, but is he trying to land simon cowell's job?--cos i'm pretty sure paula abdul's the one who blows everybody.

4) jack white- more upcoming colabortions w/ loretta lynn? can't wait for his colabortions w/ franzia ferdinand & beck.

2:1 d-nozz & d-bag3)sosayeththepeabs- how long are you going keep torturing the world w/ your sexual abuse of the english language? find a new obsession--running for president w/ cosby is sooo Q1 '04--bbbbovs. move on to something new. i don't know, maybe jello? oh, you've killed that one too. thanks. can you bless the world w/ just 1 ephing post that DOESN'T include the following:
a) how pretty you think you are
b) references to illegal drugs
c) obvs in 04 campaign
d) the use of 'izz' based words

yeah, didn't think so...

2) fox summer programming- north shore-mon 8pm, the casino-mon 9pm, method & red-tues 8:30pm, the jury-tues 9pm, quintuplets- weds 8:30pm, the simple life 2-weds 9pm. while i applaud fox for not leaving us w/ nothing but re-runs & major league baseball during the summer months, i just don't see anything worthwhile to watch out of these 6 new shows. i don't see north shore being the hit that the oc became overnight. not merely derivative, the title is exactly the same as the 80's classic surfing movie. isn't 'method & red' exactly like the movie 'how high', except they don't go ivy league? i loved andy richter as conan's side-kick, but everything since has been hilariously unfunny. suck it up richter--you don't need your own 'star search'--go back to conan & grovel!

1) whatevsdotorg- so you had a friend to say 'obvs' on national tv. well lahti-fricken-dah! whupti-friggin-doo! normally i don't bite the hand that feeds me (~80% of of my traffic comes via whatevs), but someone has to say it. you've whored yourself out to corporate america----bravo. getting quarterly checks from amazon.com for the products bought from them via your site? for shame. i look at what whatevs has become--one giant billboard for advertising pimps. i thought it was all about revealing photos of young starlets? not since big-business took-over. durst. AND PLEASE, TELL US AGAIN FOR THE TEN-THOUSANDTH TIME HOW STRIPPERS STOLE YOUR DIGICAM ON OPENING DAY! that one's my favorite, i never tire of that. bovs on YOUR ephing tees! no one calls ME 'ass face'.

as a new addition, to show minor change, i'm adding the 'sparks player of the week' award. this title is given to the individual or entity that has the most buzz, as voted by the retrobuzz pollsters. the award also extends to it's bearer, a lifetime of immunity from the 'no buzz' rankings, as well as 1 free can of the best alc-energy drink ever (must be 21 or older, offer void in canada, alaska, hawaii, & mexico. drink sparks responsibly).

the 1st (& probably last) sparks player of the week award goes to...
gk best
GK VIBE- you partied harder than anyone last week. on monday you showed the strokes what a bunch of douchebags they are at the state. getting drunk at upscale fashion parties in royal oak, drunkenly buying 3 pairs of $750 jeans, zoolander style. pre-partying at your place using the 'shot-stick' for foursomes of capt morgan shots. tearing up the dancefloor at posh at the morrissey album prelease party, dancing w/ all the ladies, & blacking out. so much sparks it sickens me. cheers, your dream has come tru. mmmmBEST!

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