Friday, March 12, 2004

question of the day...  

before i rondayvu w/ three ann arbor pioneer senior class sluts: what bloggers do you have to blow to get some web traffic thrown your way? my site doesn't sport a 'links' section, so i won't be throwing your site's link on mine. all i can do is orally pleasure you, which i'm told is mmmmBEST.

daddy says she's too young, but she's old enough for me 

the story's been leaked on whatevs, so here's the dish. last nite at the hottest spot in detroit, the magic stick, damore went into sensory overload when just after the church finished their 2nd encore, a mob of teenage hottness appeared at the stick. the event known as 'big american party' features dj tandem the laser & travis analog. it's $5 for <21, & it draws more than a sold-out von bondies record release party EVERY week. these guys are like gods in this place. on to the plot.

so after ~10 seconds of basking in the retrobuzz concert, i was immediately drawn not only to the hott music spinning, but mostly the dozens of dozens (that's ~144, 169 baker's stizz) of young hott girls spinning round on the floor. it was like the greatest thing in the world...~144 faith & buffy's dancing w/ eachother just like in the btvs season 3 ep 'bad girls' at the bronze. i'm a sucker for anything dushku related. bovs
faith+buffy=tru hottness

running low on cash, i hit up the atm, re-loaded on smokes & then was instantly seduced by 3 stunning senior class vixens from A2 pioneer once they saw my wristband. they were touching me all over, whispering to me the dirtiest shit i've ever heard, saying 'oh damore, how would you like to give us some of that retrobuzz we've heard about? we're well aware of the mich stat laws. it's so hot in here, & we're so thirsty...can you buy us a drink...maybe 3 double rum&cokes?' the devil won the debate in my head in 1.6sec.

went over to the bar like i had done preevs when buying for under21's at other shows (guster, mayer etc). as soon as i handed the drinks to the sirens, the fox2 problem solvers jump outta nowhere & start asking me all these loaded questions. like 'sir, are you still having sex w/ minors?' totally shockeyed, i'm speechless. i had seen the camera crew downstairs earlier when i hit the atm, but figured they were there to reveal illegal aliens working there or whatevs.

cops show-up, arrest me for contrib to-the-delinq of minors. turns out the girls got busted for possesh of coke earlier & turned a deal w/ fox2 problem solvers to entrap an innocent man so that the crew didn't waste all that time in wardrobe/make-up for nothing. 2 more hrs & i'm a free man again. 2 more hrs & the 3 girls are outta school. zimas, daq's, & roman cokes at 4pm. rave of the century, house of the dead stizz. mmmmbest.

tons o' retrobuzz 

last night damore was hanging w/ uncle grumbo (of whatevs.org fame) & mike (aka kegzies of glamorama fame) at the magic stick to catch the church & opener sea ray. absopure'ly tru hottness. growing up in the 80's, i've been a fan of the church & the dark, hushed vocals of steve kilbest since 1st hearing 'starfish' in 88.

the land down under hasn't been a haven for great bands. there's ac/dc, inxs (pre-92), & the church. silverchair can go toss the virtual salad, even if their anorexic db frontman has married the tastey natalie imbruglia. men at work, they're ped's. the church never received their due, aside from of their modest '88-'92 success in the states. unfortunate, but they're up there w/ new order, echo, cure, depeche mode, smiths, xtc (in my mind).

after a few pints & a slice, we went upstairs to catch sea ray. a brooklyn based sextet, featuring 2 guitarists, bass/drums/keys, & a cellist slightly resembling jennifer garner. their 2003 lp 'stars at noon' is unlike the standard issue nyc band record. it actually has retrobuzz, sounding like symphonic space rock pop. something like if jason pierce made a more radio-friendly album. revelry & lalaland are 2 of their best songs i'm sure you'll start hearing more on college radio soon. their set was solid, & they were pretty cool.

long story shortened...the church were ephing mmmmBEST. mostly new material--'forget yourself' is a great album, their best in years. they did pull out some hits & even a few songs i wasn't familiar with. blew the surprisingly dense crowd away w/ a wall of psych rock. the church helped shape the current state of retrobuzz.

no time for love dr. jones. i'll post later about the post show events--the scores of hotties dancing to the sounds of the dj consortium, & the fox2 problem solvers ambush.

sayeth ain't so 

it's official, peabs quits the blog business. i haven't spoken to him since sunday, so i'm as puzzeled as you are. i will say his run on sttp surprised me. i lost $50 when i took the under at 3 weeks. i heard he & cosby were seen at dtw boarding a plane to switzerland on tues. they were supposedly overheard mumbling something about trying to find swiss miss so that they could 'bovs all over her effing tees'. so much mystery buzz

Thursday, March 11, 2004

drive-by ramblings 

admittedly i'm very behind on current events/pop culture. most of what i know is learned by checking out other blogs like whatevsdotorg, sosayeththepeabs, oldhag, ilb, tr janelle, etc. however it never seems to be enough. some recent revelations have made me really start thinking that i'm stale (other than trying to creatively cover a few emerging grey hair w/ highlights):

1.) jc chasez--when i heard that he was going to perform at the superbowl, i was thinking that the name was a bad typo. my brain was thinking that the boxer julio caesar chavez was going to perform a song & then box 3 local hobo's there after. no bs. who knew chasez was a former nsynch'er? which one was he anyway?… the fat one, or the one w/ scraggily hair+facial hair…it doesn’t matter.

2.) hip hop really isn't my thing either. i don’t have a problem w/ it, it’s cool, i just don’t listen to it. when the snl pre-view from the duo bka nummer/h-bomb revealed kelis to be musical guest on snl w/ the annoying chick from will & grace, my 1st response was who-tf is kelis? ‘you know, the milkshake song’. um, no, never heard of it, & why’s there a song about milkshakes? they’re good & all, but deserving of a song? blizzards, aces full.
dairy queen blizzards...SFB!

apparently this song is/was played everywhere blah blah blah. as of today i still haven’t heard this song. one day this facto may be displayed as a badge of honor in the National Archive in dc honoring me as the only american (of this generation) to have never seen titanic & never heard the milkshake song. magic 8-ball?…not ephing likely. damn

absopure’ly mmmmbest

-why is former game show host chuck woolery doing tv spots for absopure water? I laughed for at least 2 min straight after seeing this last night. must have had a premonition cos I just started using the term ‘absopure’ly’ a few day’s ago.

absopurely mmmmBEST!

pick & mix 

in the 2 day's since this website has been up & running, the emails having been flowing in steadily w/ some questions/comments from early visitors. well not really. ok, just a few here & there. what follows is a taste of the q's & a's.

Q: From strokesfan138@aol.com
Your site has 'no buzz'. Boring. The Strokes are the best band in the world. Room on Fire was a top 5 album in 2003, & their RoF tour was even better. Wake up & smell the 'buzz'.

Julian & co would totally bitch smack you for such blasphemy.

A: From retrobuzz1977@yahoo.com
thanks for the feedback. i'll certainly not argue on the front that my site lacks buzz. it does, which makes me all the more qualified to judge that merry band of pussbags are deserved of a no buzz brand. we smell our own, get it? i liked is this it? alot. i still like the strokes, but room on fire is nothing but glorified b-sides from is this it?. i'll take the walkmen or brmc anyday.

trust me when i say that getting roughed up by the strokes is my last concern--those guy's would get tossed out by the mindless strap-on's in starsailor faster than mischa's barfin purges a mini rice cake. cheers

Q: From lotrfreak011@comcast.net
Retrobuzz, I'm confused. Is this site supposed to be a joke? It lacks a stylish design, a comments/feedback interface, links to anything else, pictures, any remotely interesting content, and so on. Any response?

A: From retrobuzz1977@yahoo.com
mr. frodo, no, it's not supposed to be a joke. i spent ~30 minutes getting the site created & making my 1st post on tues. i don't own a computer/digicam (i'm at the public library as i type this), didn't do much research on how to improve the content experience yet, & don't have any programming skills.

it's a stripped-down approach to a blog. thus the retrobuzz title. hopefully things will be up to your high quality standards by smarch. thanks for checking the site out.

Q: From smiley81@netzero.com
Retrobuzz, I think I know what you mean by 'retrobuzz', but what is it's orgin as it relates to your web site? I need some help understanding the connection. Thanks

A: From retrobuzz1977@yahoo.com
smiley81, i'm sure the term has been floating around for years. the story goes that i started using 'retrobuzz' last summer after going to the tastefest in detroit to see guster's set. got drunk at the show, threw an improvised post-party at my flat, got black-out drunk, & started slurring the phrase 'retrobuzz/so much retrobuzz' over & over to some friends, etc.

since then, i use it to describe things that have an old flavor, but still hold the same original buzz, or more in some cases. everyday examples of retrobuzz: the puke green color appliances, flared or belled jeans/pants, a cute girl sporting a jean jacket (=mmmmBEST), anything corduroy, orange crush or shasta sodas, puma, beatles-esque do's w/ sideburns, etc. if you can buy it at urban outfitters, it likely has no retrobuzz (except puma). seers & cheers.

that's all for now. until mon-yana. we'll go climb a rock.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

suicide buzz at the stick? 

upon hearing the jack white trial news jason von bondie was seen pre-show bowling a couple frames in the garden bowl, templing his fingers doing his best monty burns impression laughing to himself & saying 'excellent' repeatedly in a most evil voice.

while i think the new vb album is VERY solid & catchy, their heavily buzzed performance last night didn't live up to all the expectations. at least miller lite drafts were $1---retro buzz mmmmBEST. maybe i'm down on the show because i'm sick of seeing the same 200 scenesters at every detroit show, & I’m sure the vb's didn’t want to do this at all.

breaking news...
post show jason von bondie commits suicide inducing a deadly brain hemorrhage listening to every white stripes album start-to-finish twice.

von bondie had this to say in his suicide liner notes:

'returning to the magic stick again after getting pummeled by a pastey white no-talent douchebag like jack white was too much to handle. had it been meg, i would have been fine w/ it, hell we'd probably even gotten married by now, but jack, c'mon. he says he was 'provoked'...all i said to him that night was what every other reasonable person says, 'hey pussbag, your band sucks, they should name a new vd after it'. why listen to every stripes album pre-suicide you ask? hearing them play has always made me want to, so i figured i was game this time around.'

Amen brother! rest in peace, you've got retro buzz. cheers

Tuesday, March 09, 2004


someone stole the no buzz url, so i had to name it retrobuzz. this is probably the only post. if i can remember this url, maybe there will be another post in smarch. not much content, just things that i think have absopure'ly no buzz. if you're looking for a good read, go someplace else---there are a million better places to waste your time at work

this week's no buzz list
1.) the strokes--another room on fire tour? 5 over-rated pussbags who wish they had some buzz. instead, they are the diet rite of buzz colas. 35 cent cola, retro price, but not so good.

2.) fox network--~6 weeks w/out a new tru calling ep? another 3 weeks w/out a new oc ep? WORST!
all thanks to their uber abortion line-up of american idol & lame reality shows

3.) reality tv shows
--most people who watch this shite are the one's who think titanic is an epic film. reality has become oxymoronic term. if you watch them, you blow. and god help you if you cause tru calling to get cancelled post season--karma is a bitch.

4.) sopranos c/o hbo
--big season debut, whoopty-ephing-doo! for shame steve buscemi (sp?) for 1st, con air, then tons of sandler movies, now this show. sex & the city...WORST SHOW EVS! bring back a show that really mattered...1st & ten, oj sizz. or detroit-based drunken armenians in taxis

5.) volkswagon cars--don't buy them, they're shit! everything breaks on these damn cars. the ghetta is the country time brand of cars.

6.) famous twin sisters--i feel like a creep just looking at the olsen twins cos they still look like they're nine yrs old, saying 'you got it dude!' on full house. the hotel ho's...why can't they nick a page from love hewitt's 'irrelevant-in-60 seconds' manual & fall off the face of the earth, stat?

the oc no buzz rankings (via USA Today Poll from 3/04/04)

1.) Caleb (48) don't eph w/ the cohenbestens!
2.) Ryan (37) go back to chino, chino!
3.) Theresa (35) you went back to chino, & forgot to take chino w/ you!
4.) Julie Coop (25) worst mom evs. what's next, ephing abe lincoln's father's dead attorney?
5.) Coop (19) spend some time away from busy sched of trying to win chino back, & have an arby-q lunch, maybe some chikistan.
(1st place votes denoted in parenthesis)


This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?