Friday, May 07, 2004

god i hope this is a joke! 

ryan adams better be ephing w/ peoples' heads w/ this news...closes down his website to mourn the 'loss' of the tv show friends. if it's tru, ryan is officially the biggest p-bag ever! ever! ever! typed 3 times so that your memory recall works the next time you hear something about ryan adams. biggest p-bag ever! ever! ever! 'closed until further notice' & dedicated to joey/rachel/monica/ross/blah blah blah.

i love the music, the drug use, the drunkeness. but the friends? worst show ever. f*ck you & your friends! someone ephing blow my head off. any volunteers?

tru best everness 

hott hott hottso i finally got caught up on tv yesterday. the greatest episode of any show was revealed to me last night. friends? um, no. that show was pretty much over in '96 according to the ipod (in my mind). i'm talking about tru calling fools. it ran last thurs, but my busy schedule of partying in the la prevented me from seeing it, but it was recorded. it was so ephing best, 2 hours of the truest hottness EVER seen anywhere, via ANY medium. eliza dushku looked amazing (sfbovs), & the mysterious brandon walsh character's tru colors were revealed. you knew early on that jack (brandon walsh) was reliving days like tru does--it was fairly obvs by his sly dialog, the gambling at the horse track, & his arrogant intuition. you knew he was dark as well. what you didn't know is that he is the exact opposite of tru. she saves lives, he makes sure fate has it's way, doing nothing to prevent deaths after the days' rewind. jack also is in the same morgue in nyc & is out to stop tru from saving lives.
jack is a dark, seemingly fun-loving guy w/ a mean streak. i really related to him, until he crossed the line & started messing w/ tru davies. tru's brother harrison dies & the day rewinds. she has to keep harrison alive. jack is like 'death' stalking it's next victim. he tries to make a deal w/ tru that saves harrison, but she would have to quit saving lives. tru says, 'eph that! it's on bitch!'. also revealed was that jack is working for mr. davies, tru's dad. he is like jack's evil mentor. tru's mom had the same gift, she was good & prevented murders. mr. davies married her in order to kill her & put an end to her do-gooding. tru's mom passed her gift on to tru, now it's jack's turn to take tru out of the picture. i must say my heart broke for tru in this ep. she's one tough biscuit. easily among dushku's best performances.
bovs all oves those ephing tees. shmears.
the best part of the season finale was when tru's love interest, luc, is thrown right into a death trap by jack, so that at least someone dies in place of tru's bro, harrison. soephingbest! fox execs listened to my daily v-mail rants that he needed to die. no word yet on whether they'll take my directives to cast me on the show as tru's new love interest. i guess i'll find out on may 20th. so much mystery buzz!

not sure how much you'll see/hear from me over the next 2 weeks. tru calling finds out its renewal fate on may 20th. needless to say, 90% of my time is going to be spent working on my new blog, www.renutru.blogspot.com, & writing emails/letters to every fox exec telling them how best this show is, & how well it will do next season w/ friends out of the picture. i don't know what i'll do if this show isn't picked up. sfb! maybe get a frosty at wendy's, maybe a boston cooler at wally's. who am i kidding, i'll probably go on a summer-long bender, which i pretty much do every summer anyway. coincidentally, i watched some of the new guy last night on the wam! channel. a horrible movie made best by dushku. curse those damn hollywood 'star maps'--no dushku=no buzz.

when's the last time you heard any hives buzz? i can't remember either. pelle & the svenskas are releasing an lp this summer (their 1st since 2000's vvv) & will follow it up w/ a stateside tour beginning in july. i like the hives, but haven't seen them live in concert, so this to me has buzz. rock stars, plain & simple.
i'm a monkey!
i couldn't believe hearing that 5k people showed up last saturday to see william hung perform at oakland mall in troy, mich. that's more than showed-up to somerset for avril last month. i think this is a funny joke, but it's soooo smarch 2004. i heard on the radio that hung was asked by the dodgers to become their new 'rally mascot', kind of like the angels' 'rally monkey' 2 yrs ago, or the 'homer hankies' used back in the day by the twins. he wanted all sorts of money for it. the dodgers were like, there's no $, it's an honor & good pub for your crappy cd & appearances. william hung, you're the biggest joke ever. get over yourself already! you're not a star, a celeb, or what have you. you're one mean joke created by a shallow industry.

Thursday, May 06, 2004

blah blah blah 

5/06/04 AP Post-No Buzz Poll - The OC 'The Ties That Bind Us'
1) Theresa (73)- We don't like Chino, but who the hell are you to take him away?
2) Josh Schwartz (68)- What the shit kind of season finale was that? And our Schwartz is bigger than yours.
3) Caleb (61)- Off to the San Quentin.
4) Julie Coop (57)- Ready to move out of another mansion?
5) Chino (43)- Going back to your roots eh?

5/06/04 USA Today Post-No Buzz Poll - The OC 'The Ties That Bind Us'
1) Theresa (91)- Abort, Abort, Abort!
2) Chino (75)- Going back to Chino. Chino Chino. Going back to Chi-no one leaves the Cohenbests. It’s not even your kid.
3) Caleb (59)- You’ll make a nice wife for someone.
4) Julie Coop (47)- No Seger played, no buzz. Next up, Walt Disney?
5) Cohen (31)- Running away on a catamaran alone=not such a good idea. Tahiti?
coop, pretty good in comparison
pollsters agree…theresa is the worst. usa today voters liked the downer 'empire strikes back' finale. some say easily the best star wars movie. AP pollsters like the 1st star wars i guess. i thought this was a great ep. next season, anything can happen. julie coop marries bob seger, cohen moves to chino, chino & eddie kill theresa when they find out neither of them are the father, etc. so many possibilities. best show ever.

tv is pretty much done for until next season on fox. the new summer 'the oc wannabe' looks pretty lame. i think it's called 'north shore', or something like that. nice try fox. after next week's one tree hill, it's all over. friends finally dies for good tonight (thank god), tru calling ended last week (season1 that is), the couple last ep's of angel are left. no smg & no dushku on angel=no buzz.

one tree hill should be good--brooke & nicki screw over peyton, what's-his-face screws his brother's wife (& gets caught in the act), nathan finally screws little miss prude (hailey). this week, outside of sea ray's 'revelry' being featured, was lame. hailey totally over-ephing reacting to her boyfriend looking at porn. hello hailey, you're nothing but PG-13, what's he supposed to do?

i don't know for sure, but i think nicki/brooke taped peyton & nathan in the pool a couple weeks back, & are going blackmail/threaten peyton w/ revealing that footage to hailey (after they bang for the 1st time), so that nicki gets her baby back, & brooke gets revenge. who knows, maybe brooke & nicki are evil lesbians who sell baby-jenny for coke on the black market & just party w/ 40's. that would be best.

when your day is done & you wanna ru-un...cocaine 

this is my part1 write-up on the weekend's festivities in the la & coachella/palm springs. as far as i know, it's pretty accurate. the actual coachella part will be revealed later, not enough time, & too much to cover.
thursday 4/29
damore & uncle grambo flew to la arriving at ~2pm. rented convertible, checked out venice beach (no beach bench presses thank you very much), being sweet. obvs. peabs & dirty mckean opted for a 1 night crazy trip to vegas thurs instead. made plans w/ kerry so says i & foxy jess blueprint to meet up for drinks/dinner at a sushi place on hollywood blvd, across from where the jimmy kimmel show tapes. ironically the place had buzz, despite ryan seacrest's show 'on air w/ douchecrest' taping in the same plaza. after taking the scenic route around la in 90210 & sunset, & getting lost, we finally made it there ~6:45'ish. 1st time mtg kerry, who was very cool (not to mention sexy) & was nice enough to hook up green room guest list buzz for the 4 of us for the night's show.  
after ordering food, a few drinks, it was time to head over to the theatre for kimmel. the night's guests were greg kinnear, vanessa marcil, & snow patrol. didn't watch the main guests, just got drinks, people watched, & took in the atmospheric buzz. the green room sports several plasma tv's, swanky furniture, pool table, & retro arcade/pinball machines. i'm talking like asteroids & centipede.

after a few rounds, a couple smoke breaks, it was time for snow patrol. went upstairs to the theatre, vip stizz, & got up close to the stage. i think their 1st song was 'spitting games', 'chocolate', & 'run'. 3 songs in all, not too shabby. the crowd was very into their music, & gary & co fed off of it. much better sound than at the shelter show. after their set, the girls yelled out synchronously 'what are you doing after the show?!', which was hilarious. kimmel's brother made some funny smart-ass crack which was good for a laugh.
back down in the green room, it was more drinks & people watching. la people are much better looking than midwesterners. snow patrol came down to drink after, & the girls struck up conversations. they seemed really laid back & fun. grambo & i had to meet up w/ his friend whose place we were crashing at, so i make a quick conversation w/ gary lightbody. real quick banter, cos i'm sure talking to dudes is low on the priority list while on tour, i mention how good their detroit show was, etc. then i got the idea to have him insult me by having him say 'fuck off, your website's shit'. he was a little wtf?, but after a few drizzies, he was game. i was amused, & it was time to leave, early unfortunately.
we met up w/ mark's friend jimmy & his gf nicole, & went around the block to 'scary-ho's', which i couldn't remember the real name of. jimmy & nicole were very nice, & very cool. c friggs had called called grambo out-of-blue earlier, & was flying out to la for work fri night to deliver some top secret documents. friggs met up w/ us at scary-ho's, which was kind of fratish, but there was college-cheap booze & scores of young attractive ladies. mmmmBEST! several rounds, shots, we were ephed up. post bar, we stopped in for some sketchy mex food. drunken burritos=heaven. some girl who obvs listened to too much yorn asked for some of my burrito. i was tanked & said something like, 'um, notso much'. i smelled a scam w/ zero pay-off. c friggs, so much buzz, decides to stay the weekend in cali, gambling wisely on a trip to indio for coachella.
Friday 4/30
woke-up around 8am, showered, then hit the scenes in la. drove down sunset, then back to hollywood blvd to get picks of the h'wood sign. rambo (no joke) was hanging out front of the wax museum & photos were taken of grambo & rambo, 1st blood stizz. best. damore even got a pic w/ the rambo character, wielding an m-16. so random. we met up w/ another friend of UG's, curley (who coincidently started a retro sports apparel co), & went out for b-fast, which was the best meal of the trip: red flannel hash.
yo adrian! 
~1pm, hit the road, 'driving down the 101' (phantom planet ref). killed time in ps till it was time to party hard at bananaz. ralph's, so best, it's where movie stars like gina gershon shop for fruit at 2am. after dinner/drinks at the blue oyster grill, we conned an extra 1 or 2 into the diesel/filter mag party, it was time to drink more. not realizing certain drinks were free, i ordered a round of non-free drinks. probably spent $40 before inquiring about the drink specials. doh! once the girls showed-up & the place started getting packed w/ stalkers, groupies, & douchebag types, it was best. i was warned not to say anything bad about howie day'te rapist, since he was standing nearby.
after multiple rounds of red stripes, some jager shots, it was time for some amusement. the music was good, a big group of us were dancing, & i totally ripped-off a 1st hand account from the week prior. grambo revealed that ultragrrrl, upon getting to some bar in nyc, ordered a beer, then just poured it over her head & ordered another drink after. that sounded like so much fun, so i did that a few times, pretty much soaking me, & others, when i started shaking my head like a dog to get others' wet. i thought it was hilarious & fun. best rip-off ever. afterwards, we partied back at the hotel. next day kinda rough, but it was sunny, hott, & chock full of buzz.

more details to come. no time for love dr. jones!

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

so much oc buzz!! 

adam graham writes an amazingly best story on the oc in today's detroit news, & scored an interview w/ josh schwartz, the oc creator. how ephing best is that?! so much buzz. who else asks him about the oc/bob seger references that keep popping up, or what fans really care about, when will the season1 dvd's be released? bovs. answers being 1) cos schwartz loves seger & 2) october '04.
major props out to adam graham for this totally best story/interview.
best episode...ever
here are the USA Today pre-show poll results, & the AP poll results are now in too.

5/05/04 USA Today Pre-No Buzz Poll - The OC 'The Ties That Bind Us'
1) Theresa (85)- Funny, neither Chino or Eddie are the father, right?
2) Chino (71)- Ask Theresa for a wife-beater dna test-- O positive walmarts or B negative walmarts?
3) Julie Coop (55)- Why not just dig up Bob Hope's corpse or just thaw out Walt Disney's frozen corpse & get married?
4) Caleb (47)- Your wedding's going to get busted up like a high school kegger.
5) Cohen (30)- Do more coke--girls love babbling comic-book-loving junkies.

5/05/04 AP Pre-No Buzz Poll - The OC 'The Ties That Bind Us'
1) Theresa (73)- I can't believe you have lasted as long as you have in the OC.
2) Marissa Coop (69)- Go cry somewhere else.
3) Julie Coop (61)- Slut.
4) Caleb (41)- You make shady business deals, marry sluts, do something original.
5) Chino (22)- Go to Oregon with Luke.

who says i hate everything? 

so much buzz
so much sea ray buzz...tonight you can catch sea ray's music featured at 9pm on tonight's 'one tree hill' ep. yes, i like this show. it has hott girls/moms, lots of drama, & most importantly some of the best new music featured on tv. snow patrol has been featured in two eps, a couple weeks ago it was fountains of wayne (all kinds of time), & tonight is the totally best sea ray's turn. SEA RAY+brooke+peyton+nicki+the moms=THE BEST THING EVER. throw in a couple sparks, & shmears. nicki+brooke=pure hottnessif you miss it tonight, it also runs sundays' at 5pm on the wb. if you miss that, never talk to me again. mmmmBUZZ...don't forget to buy tix to the best line-up since, well, coachella. only it's much more concise, not as brutally hot, very affordable, drinks cost less, & you don't have to travel to cali for it. sea ray/metric/the stills. i'm sure they'll be hitting a town town near you very soon, may 27th for those located in the d.

speaking of buzz, please do yourself a favor & check out the coachella highlights & OC BUZZ on kerry's so says i, jessica's the blueprint, & uncle grambo's whatevsdotbovs. it was so fun hanging out w/ jessica & kerry (whom i had never met before) in the la & the palm springs. you'd be hard pressed to find any cooler, nicer, better looking genuine people ever in your life. so says i has a great write-up on the bands/brody cokehead buzz, the blueprint has some MAJOR OC BUZZ revealed complete w/ pics. mmmmBEST! cheers, thx for the good times ladies.

one thing i'll reveal prematurely...the quote of the year...(to damore) 'f*ck off, your website's shit!'-gary lightbody (of snow patrol).
how ephing best is that?! a rock star slams retrobuzz in the green room at the jimmy kimmel show. actually, i had to literally beg gary to say that so that i didn't have to lie about him saying it. who makes rockstars insult their web site? damore, that's who. strange. why? cos i thought it was funny.

*breaking wilco buzzzzzz! wilco will be on the bill for the detroit lollapalooza date. since i don't live in other cities, i didn't bother to research it further. hopefully they're making up for their coachella rehabortion in other cities too!

*durst blog ever- fred durst has a blog, & yep, it's becks. sfbovs.
(*obvs, courtesy of the grizz)

until later, when i have time to tell you about what else was best about the coachella.

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

10 things i hate about you 

becks1st day back to work after coachella=notso fun. all sorts of issues while i was gone, no one covered my programs despite detailed instructions, etc. but whatever, vacation is always worth it. coachella was so ephing best. i'll have a full breakdown of highlights later (so many tees bovs'ed on!!), but wanted to let you know what i thought was totally worst. i found most of these pretty funny at the time, so it's not like they impacted my overall awesome experience at coachella in any way. i will be going back next year for it. consider this a self-improvement list for the folks who make coachella happen.

top 10 things that sucked about coachella:

*1) beck
2) adam brody- i didn't see him since he was stumbling around the vip area stoned out of his mind on pot/coke. 2 VERY reliable & beautiful sources reported that during the pixies' set, he tried to eat his airwalk shoes. they then approached brody & asked him for a piece of gum, to which he turned his red blood-shot eyes towards them & could not formulate anything other than a gibberish laden incoherent sentence.
3) mischa's barfin- again, two beautiful & reliable sources reported seeing the oc star mischa barton getting worked on by her billionaire boyfriend against the fence in the vip area. classy & sexy.
4) giant piles of trash everywhere- since there were only 14 trash cans on the entire polo grounds, overflow trash got piled up in mountain form once the trash cans were full. it added a pleasant spice to the overpoweringly strong smell of horse manure in the parking lot. saturday after the show i nearly walked into a pile of trash & fell. the same piles of trash were there the next afternoon. less trash, more ash next year.
5) my (felt-tip) pen was confiscated at security- security said 'you'd be surprised how much damage it could cause. i've seen it happen'. my response after un-winable protest, 'f*ck it!' & walked away.
so best ever6) flaming lips singing happy birthday to beck- wtf? i thought they & beck had a huge falling-out in '02. their set had so much buzz when wayne coyne descended from outerspace in a giant bubble. it was squandered away when their 5th & final song of their set was happy b-day to beck. worst ever.
7) incompetent stoner sound guys- so many sets started late due to sound issues, or started w/out working microphones, equipment, etc. the killers were 15min late & the sound was bad initially (no keyboards, poor vox). brmc's mic's didn't work until the end of the 1st song. fire these stoner retards & get some decent talent. set times are tight, don't need a 1972 indio back-alley abortion clinic put on by sound guys to waste time.
8) the killers- pulled a 20-piece church choir on-stage for the last 2min of their final song. so pretentious. i hope they found them walking around the parking lot or something. what a waste. couldn't even hear the choir singing. i laughed for at least 20min when this las vegas casino-lobby abortion pulled this stunt. worst part is the chorus goes something like 'i've got soul but i'm not a soldier' (over & over). & their 'indie rock saved my life' song is simply beck.
9) political speeches from lead singers in-between songs- wayne coyne telling everyone repeatedly to 'stop bush' & vote john kerry. cursive's singer telling everyone to register to vote, vote in '04, & vote john kerry. i went there to hear good music, make fun of stupid things (like beck), not to hear you tell me how i should vote. i'm not even registered to vote.
10) misc- wilco canceling---cos saturday ended early, pushing thousands of people over to see kraftwerk's set in a much smaller tent. the cure starting 25min late.

sorry, i can't resist ripping on beck-
*beck- so boring, so quiet, such a douchebag. starts like 15-20min late, plays nothing but solo acoustic songs from sea changes. so quiet i had to climb over sleeping zombie corpses just to actually hear him playing. only played 4 or 5 songs, none of which were any of his good ones. don't bother showing up next year. so beck. happy birthday douchebag.

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