Tuesday, April 27, 2004

no buzz 4/26/04 

1) d12/eminem- 'my band'=WORST single of the year! d12's 'world'=WORST album of the year, any year! if you like eminem, god have mercy on your soul, if you still have one. i'm soooo sick of eminem contributing his crappy vocals/facetime to his untalented friends' groups (who also happen to be on his crappy label) to push exposure. i can't decide who's worst: eminem, kid rock, uncle kracker, ryan seacrest, or durst? when is eminem's vanilla ice plunge going to finally kick in? i love detroit, but why are all of famous musicians/bands nothing but douchebag wannabe tourists?
i'm gonna chuck these bloody racoons at them preppies! uncle ted's gonna rape you w/ his guitar! yee-haw!
2) 'surviving nugent'-vh1's new reality tv show featuring jackson, mi native rocker ted nugent. i hate the idea already. seven tourists have to be able to sit through 10 consecutive listenings of the damn yankee's 'don't tread' & 'essentials' albums, all while uncle ted throws dead animal carcasses at them, chases them around the ranch in a camo'ed out monster truck, & shoots cross-bow arrows at them while they're all drunk.

i'm from the d, so i'm supposed to like nugent. he's an ephing prick, his music blows, & he never shuts up about hunting. yeah, you like to hunt, great. if others do, cool. just don't shove that krunk down my throat preaching about how noble you are cos you 'live off of the land'. ted likes to kill shit. plain & simple. i like vh1, but can't believe they produced this jackson-michigan-abortion-clinic of a show. i would have aborted pre-fetus. shmears.
still sporting the trucker hats
3) punk'd-season3-i thought it was cancelled? nope, ashton kutcher goes for even more tired & lame 'punkings' on his celeb friends. i saw the ep w/ chandler from friends & it was complete deja vu. chandler & friend go to a shady car garage to buy an expensive sportscar when it's suddenly raided by the cops. wow, haven't seen that same premise 12 times already in seasons 1-2. next, adam brody is all coked-up in some restaurant & gets punk'd when a girl (who's engaged) is all over him. brody's sporting a wool winter cap, in la, hanging w/ josh db schwartz. trying to cover the hair plugs or what? no buzz. it should have been something like 'your family just died in a car accident' or 'your girlfriend just left w/ some other dude'. brody ends up telling the girl's-fiance's-friend to 'step-off'. lamest ep ever.

4) loretta lynn/jack white collaboration-note to world: jack white the artist blows. jack white the producer blows. jack white the f*cking student blows. jack white the tv/vcr repairman blows. jack white the everything blows. i've heard some 'pieces' from this album, & it is not good. i knew it was an omen when the crappy indie-gone-wired-starbucks down the street from my flat had mini-promo posters of loretta's album all over the tables a couple weeks ago.

if you like it, i'll bet you'll be drinking yourself silly in 6 month's asking yourself, 'why, why god why did i think i like this album?!' i'm not knocking loretta lynn per se. she's classic. not my pint of lager, but whatevs. i will say she was pretty savvy to have jack put his brand of stink all over her album to boast the audience & mainstream appeal. i would've had more respect for her had it been a secret producer deal, not leaked/released until much later. i would have thought, 'hmmm, it sucks, but it's something different for her.'
date-rapist convention?
5) eli manning- the nfl's #1 pick in the 2004 draft. didn't want to play for san diego, so he weasled his way to make a trade possible to the ny giants instead. his thought was that san diego is still developing, & the giants were a better situation for him to play in. um, san diego has a top3 running back in the league, a better offensive line, a better receiving corp, & a better defense. the giants have no offensive line, an average running back, & decent wide-outs. you're a pussy eli. you should have said, 'i'll go wherevs, be the best ephing quarterback, win alot, & eph all of your bitches, bitches!'. just who most people would want leading their team: a scared, notso confident primadonna. your going to love all of the media coverage in nyc after your 1st 5-pick game this year. your dad was a career loser. your brother can't win in the playoffs. you're gonna be a loser. some pedigree.

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