Monday, April 05, 2004

no buzz list 4/05/04 

1.) chris cheliblos- as reported on retrobuzz fri, i had a traffic run-in w/ this douchebag when he was driving like a cracked-out ephing tourist, w/ illinois plates on his 1957 gt douchemobile. this was enough to secure 1st place, but the grizz revealed that he & pants* had multiple cheliblos sightings this weekend in the birm. sat, cheliblos was littering the birm w/ his buzzless presence in his douchemobile, parking illegally going to get ice cream w/ a young girl.
DB of the year
on sunday, the grizz & pants* then spotted cheliblos at kroger w/ brett hull, shopping for sunless tanner, & aqua velva aftershave. you're washed-up cheliblos! go back to chi-town, or better yet, montreal & stop bothering me & my friends w/ your lack of buzz in the d. major thanks to the grizz for reporting the run-ins. hull lives around the block from them, so cheliblos is no doubt hanging out at hull's, parked illegally, yelling at kids & dogs walking by. congrats on your upcoming move away from that neighborhood, it has no buzz now.
93's mother & father of the year

2.) kurt cobain- this guy died 10 yrs ago, get over it already. whether his murder was 4/5/94 or 4/8/94, who cares? this guy made 1 great record where the timing was right. 'nevermind' was more a product of producer butch vig's talents than cobain's. 'bleach', notso good. 'in utero', notso good. some good songs, largely too depressing. i'll give you 'unplugged', but i thought both pearl jam & stp unplugged were better.

if he were still alive, he'd be making crappy music. pearl jam was better, pumpkins too. neither of these bands still make good music today, so why do people still think cobain would be, like he's john ephing lennon or something. i'm so sick of seeing this guy's picture on every magazine cover this month. i think grohl has proven since 95 that he was the real talent in nirvana. if cobain hadn't been murdered, he'd be MORE irrelevant today than scott weiland & vedder.

3.) jesse palmer, 'the bachelor'- a back-up nfl qb is the next star of abc's show, 'the bachelor'. if you're an american pro athlete, should you really need to go onto a reality show for 6 weeks to find your future wife? firestone i understood. heir to a company that was crippled a couple year's prior by exploding tires on the ford explorer. his fortune could have crumbled overnight, so he had to try & cash in his chips while his name still had cache. but palmer, he's a canadian qb, a mediocre college qb while at florida, & a 4th round pick. at 25 in nyc, he should be dating washed-up supermodels now.

he didn't even play in the 2000 citrus bowl when i saw my spartans beat the gators in orlando. plus, he looks like a date-rapist, so maybe he needs to do this show. what's next, a blogger on the bachelor/bachelorette shows? probably not.

but more people know who spiers, ultra, grambo, miss mod & peabs are, than this db qb. shmears.

4.) duke blue devils- what a bunch a soft-serve pussbags. they totally choked against uconn in the final 4 sat, & i was the collateral damage in the process. my tournament brackets that is. their loss made me lose gorilla's mini-6 pack challenge, & knocked me into 5th place in the leafblower's bloggerverse challenge.

note to nba execs, don't draft duke players, they're always a waste of a 1st round pick, kinda like drafting penn state football players in the 1st rd. duhon will get a nice payday, but he's gonna suck in the pros. nice coaching job sha-shef-ski. everyone was calling you possibly the best college b-ball coach evs. but you let the ref's be your excuse for losing, not your players' poor performance, or your own poor coaching job down the stretch.

bravo, you have no buzz.

you're WORST!
5.) donald trump- did 215k people really apply to be on the 'the apprentice'? maybe they didn't read that trump enterprises is always 1 or 2 on fortune mag's 'worst companies to work for' lists, along w/ fruit of the loom.

the guy's old, wears a muskrat on his head, & is a prick. that's a show? trying to get a job working for this guy? couldn't they get hef or oprah to do the show instead?

trump hasn't had any buzz since gary hart also had buzz in the 80's. the proof, his hosting gig on snl. that show hasn't had buzz all season, so trump's hosting gig supports my no buzz stamp.

that & he has von douche t-shirts (pictured above) sporting his rug & the phrase, 'your fired'. like he invented that phrase. it's only been around forever, & it was pretty commonly used before donnie doucho came along.

6.) ozzy osbourne- he filed a complaint w/ the cal state med board, accusing a bev hills doc of 'overprescribing' addictive drugs to him. oz claims the drugs led to his disoriented behavior on the 'the osbournes'. so it wasn't the 30 years of using coke, heroin, alcohol abuse, drano, touring w/ motley crue, etc? oz claims dr kipper had him take excessive quantities of dexedrine, valium, zyprexa, etc. yeah, oz can't even form fragments of fragments of complete sentences, so let's blame the doc who prescribed some pain killers for his bad back a couple year's ago. for shame oz. you're going to pull the next janet & make it nearly imposs for the common man/woman to get highly addictive painkillers through shady prescriptions. thanks for nothing.

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