Friday, June 04, 2004

did you think that i was gonna give it up to you? 

borrrringas i was flipping channels last night, i saw that the stanley cup finals game 5 was on. i watched for ~3min, got bored & found 'what a girl wants' on cinemax was on. i watched ~ 10min of that, but couldn't figure what was going on since i tuned in during the middle of it. bynes. anyway, does anything have less buzz these days than nhl hockey? it's gary bettman's wet dream come tru: the calgary flames vs the tampa bay lightning. wow, lot of action. truthfully, i stop caring about hockey once the red wings are done for the season. i was hoping for a detroit/toronto finals, but whatever. this tv ratings abortion should cement the work stoppage later this year. the games look like they've been great, but i couldn't care any less about 2 teams. apparently you feel the same way since games 3 & 4 ratings were the lowest since 1998 (cough, wings, cough). 2 weeks ago i went, 'holy shitt, tampa bay is the #1 seed in the east...who knew'. calgary hasn't had ANY buzz since the '88 winter olympics & '89 when joey mullen helped them win the cup. maybe it's that i HATE seeing so many 1-0 or 2-1 outcomes. maybe that's why soccer has no buzz in the usa. tie games are the worst. so unsatisfying. for the record, i'm pulling for calgary. eph you tampa bay! eph you duff gardens!

since you're here because of whatevs, i'm wasting my time linking to today's feature presentation on whatevs. because i don't care, i'm covering it anyway. today's post titled 'juiced' might be the funniest post in the history of whatevs. his run-down of the oj reality show w/ ideas sporting appearances by pedro guerrero, marcus allen, deniro, jayson williams, etc=absopure buzz. one thing i'd like to suggest is adding kobe & jason kidd to the mardi gras caravan party of felons. fellons gone wild? felons gone ape shit! after the straw steals the last 8-ball, jayson williams 'accidentally' shoots the straw w/ a shotgun, his body is cut in half. oj & nate newton stage an elaborate farce (a la weekend at bernies) where nate compensates for the heavy blood loss by stuffing the straw's torso full of weed, & they duct tape the straw back together. he's even able to make another comeback playing for the yankees. but they all get busted when the straw shows up on time for court appearances & starts passing drug tests. makes for some gooooood watching.

i'm thinking that peabs' announcement that he's now retired from the blog business is a joke. though i guess it makes sense. he's done every drug there is, shagged every crack whore there is, partied w/ all the washed-up celebs from the 80's. what else is left to blog about? he's covered it all. i'll miss the daily posts by peabs, but he's pretty much like that in real life, so i'll be hanging out w/ the at home version of his blog anyway. cheers peabs, we salute you, you ephing handjob! now the pressure's on. first glamorama calls it quits this week, then peabs. if you're expecting me to pick up some slack, don't. retrobuzz peaked weeks ago. i'm waiting for www.thegorilla.blogspot.com & www.thegrizz.blogspot.com to debut soon.

'go see my new hit movie...jingle all the way'great fake-out mojo. granholms vs ah-nuld. AP...bunch of ephing drop-outs. if the rapers won, ah-nuld would send granholm a meal featuring wine, asparagus, strawberries & an in-n-out burger, which granholm would've eaten while sporting a lakers jersey. if the stones won, granholm would send ah-nuld a warm baked meat/potato pastie, a vernors, & chocolate covered michigan cherries, which ah-nuld would've eaten while sporting a pistons jersey. jennie, you dumb twat! (link via nummer & whatevs)

10 out of 10 teen music starlets won't even sleep w/ durst. avril disses durst, who tried to pick her up at the metallica tribute concert. this is the entire interview in rollingstone.">the short & sweet of it is located here. when is fred gonna finally realize that he is the worst human being on earth? (story via bigmatt)

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