Tuesday, July 13, 2004

final destination 713 

no buzz list

8) dave grohl--dude, you're the best rock drummer going these days. why play w/ a band that hasn't done anything worthwhile in 10+ years? lenny kravitz has 10x the buzz than trent reznor, & that's almost zero. trentos...the durst-maker

7) the new, totally unnecessary, & irrelevant 'basic instinct II' is in-process of being made. this just in...no one's cared about sharon stone...EVER! sharon stone, you're not hott. you haven't made a single movie that's made a dime in over 10 years (casino, which wasn't because of you). why on earth would you think you could make a list of demands that include: $14mil salary, 3 nannies for your adopted brat, free cell phones & pagers for you & your crew, personal chauffeur & bodyguards, a giant dildo made of waterford crystal. you're totally durst sharon. hiring you for any project is the kiss of death for a studio---'catwoman' anyone? 'the practice' anyone? how did 'sphere' do?

6) courtney love-- discharged from an nyc hospital following her bizarre episode friday. love reportedly will be picked-up this evening for masturbating w/ a metal crucifix linda blair stizz. f*ck me jesus! f*ck me jesus! ...disturbing behavior

5) the nicotine patch & the devil- last night i had probably the most intense & scary nightmare i've ever had. i dreamt that i was sleeping & that the devil was in my room tormenting me, paralyzing me w/ fear, while i was trying to sleep. i think it was satan's way of trying to get me to start smoking again. i could not move at all. after what seemed like eternity, i ordered myself to wake-up & get out of bed. i was so freaked out that i locked my doors, all of which were upstairs. it seriously was the most terrifying dream i've ever had--& it took a good 5min to realize that i was dreaming in a dream.

i put on a nico patch at lunch yesterday, & at first it felt great--nice buzz, less smoking temptation, calmer, etc. by 9pm, i was going insanicus maximus because i felt so sick to my stomach. my arm w/ the patch was pretty much numb, & i decided to remove it to see if i would feel any better. i'm still having alot of urges to smoke, but now i'm at 2.5 days clean. i'm going to use the patch as needed, but definitely won't sleep w/ one on. who needs nicotine while they sleep?

4) condoms-if they aren't good enough for use at the onyx whoretel, how can your wife, girlfriend, mysterious fuk buddy, hobo call-girl, fem-bot, etc convince you that you need to wear them? condoms have absopurely no buzz. on second thought, brit has been kostanza'ed & fenderbender'ed. that girl is possibly dirtier than the sluts bill clinton did back in arkansas, plus carmen electra & all the wives of motley crue put together. penetration of the onyx whoretel w/o protection, while seemingly hott, may be the quickest recipe for contracting the white stripes std ever.

3) my book deal that fell through- i had a MAJOR book deal lined-up to publish a compilation, or greatest hits if you will, of my famous rants. unfortunately there was an escape clause contained w/in whereby the MAJOR publishing company could reneg the deal based upon a review of test chapters. they were like 'You can write extremely well but you're not wearing any pants!'.

2) starting & quitting blogs-- it's sooooo Q1 '04--zero buzz. quitting-quitting blogs is what's hott now.

1) nicotine patch condoms- you thought the regular one's ephed you up?

thanks to all the handjobs & douchebags out there who supported this site. all the handjobs & douchebags who didn't can SUCK IT!!!

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